Poison Envy (winter_ruins) wrote in fm_alchemist,
Poison Envy

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The Evil of Pants

Written for luke_atmey in my request a drabble post (currently not taking requests).

TITLE: The Evil of Pants
FANDOM: Fullmetal Alchemist
PAIRING: Roy X Ed. If not in mind, then at least in body.
WORD COUNT: 642. Crap, just over a drabble.

Al was – in all honesty – shocked when Roy invited the brothers to live with him. It certainly didn’t compare to the shock he felt when Ed agreed all too enthusiastically, though.
When he had asked Ed why he agreed, Ed told him it would be great to have someone to cook and clean up after them.

When he asked Roy why he had asked, he received the same answer, and Al had the suspicion that he would be doing all the chores.


After two weeks of living with the Lieutenant Colonel Al found his suspicions to be correct. Ed still thought Roy was doing everything, and spent his time lazing about in Roy’s library.

Roy still maintained the belief that it was Ed doing all the work, and spend his days writing a list about how to avoid paperwork (number one being “create a list”), and his night’s going on dates.

There came the day, however, that Alphonse Elric fell behind.

Roy called him into his room one day.

“Al, I need you to tell your brother that I need my uniform to be washed,” Roy said, flipping through the newspaper.

“‘Niisan is studying for the assessment.”

Roy blinked slowly. “Is it that time already? I’ll have to get to work on my report then.”

Al already knew that Roy would leave it until the night before it was due, and probably complain about all the dates he was missing because of it.

“I’m going shopping today, so you could wash it yourself?” Al asked hopefully.

Roy nodded. “It’s no problem. Could you pick up some extra milk while you’re out?” There was something very devious in his smirk when he requested that.

Al sweatdropped. “If you need any help, just ask ‘Niisan.”

“I’ve done laundry before, Al,” Roy said.

“Yeah, but ‘Niisan’s pants –“

”I can handle it,” Roy said, and he walked out of the room, carrying his clothes with him.


“Edward!” Roy shouted.

It took a few minutes, but Ed eventually showed up in the laundry room.

“What is it? I’ve got a report to write,” Ed growled.

“Um, Ed, I...” Roy cleared his throat. “My fingers are stuck in your...” he held up his hand, and smiled sheepishly.

Ed stared, then laughed. “You forgot to unalchemist them, didn’t you?”

Roy blinked, then thought, remembering vaguely that the first day Ed moved in he had said that he had set a trap so when he did laundry he wouldn’t get stuck, but at the time, Roy couldn’t figure out why he had told him.

“Why did you set traps in your pants?” Roy demanded angrily.

“So you wouldn’t steal them when I was sleeping. You’ve never had trouble with them before.” Ed clapped his hands.

“Obviously, you do the laundry,” Roy said as Ed touched his hands to his pants.

Ed glared at him. “What are you talking about? You’ve been doing my laundry since I moved here.”

He didn’t notice as his pant legs snaked around his arms.

“I haven’t done any housework since you moved in,” Roy snapped, “because you have.”

“I have not! You di–“ Ed blinked slowly when his pants wrapped around his neck tightly, and pulled Ed closer to Roy.

Ed muttered something angrily, and Roy cursed.


“‘Niisan! It’s eight o’clock. Time to stop studying.,”

“Al!” Roy sang from the laundry room, sounding strangely cheerful. “Can you come here for a moment?”

Al put the groceries down, and headed towards the room.

“Roy? I left three hours ago, aren’t you done yet?” Al asked, peeking into the room.

Al might not look it, and might not have acted it a lot of the time, but he was only eleven. The sight of his older brother and the man his older brother hated most, sitting on the floor tangled together made him fall into hysterical laughter.

Mostly X-posted on fm_alchemist and my personal Journal.

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