RM (zinthos) wrote in fm_alchemist,

FMA Humorfic

Long time lurker, first time poster. *obligatory newbie wave* At least I come bearing...gifts? This plotbunny seriously gnawed at my brain until I gave in and wrote it.

Title: The Height Rule
Pairing: EdxFury. Yes, EdxFury. Also some implied RoyxEd.
Rating: PG-13. Nothing explicit, although they're certainly doing explicit things.
Warnings: Humor, yaoi.
Spoilers: None

The Height Rule

The night passed far more quickly than Ed had expected. Dinner, dancing, a moonlit stroll--it had been excruciatingly boring, but at least his partner had liked it. Next time, he thought as he removed his pants, we’re doing something interesting.

“Uhhh, E-edward-kun?” Fury’s voice was muffled by the bedsheets. The poor man had buried his face in them, tried to hide how furiously red his cheeks had become. As he settled himself on the bed, Edward almost felt a twinge of guilt. Fury was...well. They wouldn’t be here right now if Fury hadn’t had some sort of allure. But sometimes Ed found himself resisting the urge to shake some spine into the older officer. Like now, for example.

Oblivious to Edward’s thoughts, Fury continued to blush furiously into the bedsheets. “E-edward-kun?” he stammered.


Fury swallowed. “I just have a--” he squeaked as Edward brushed metallic fingers across his face “--a question.”

“Mmm.” Edward, on the other hand, wasted neither breath nor speech.

He’d first met the man en route to another meeting, ironically enough. At the time, he had only registered annoyance--leave it to the shit colonel to have shit subordinates standing in the way--but then there had been something else. Ed didn’t know what it was, exactly, but no matter how he tried, Ed could not get the Sergeant Major’s face out of his mind. Even Roy had come to remind him of Fury, something which had become particularly awkward in bed.

By now there was a neat pile of clothing on the floor. Ed recognized his own blacks and reds, all the more visible beside Fury’s blues and whites. Though clumsy, the blond had his own inexpert grace when it came to kissing. It was a pain fighting Fury’s glasses--his forehead had to be bruised by now--but the breathless gasps and the feel of Fury’s mouth against his made it worth his while. And if the officer had any problems with Ed’s metal arm...well. No complaints so far.


Ed paused. Breathing heavily, Fury stared up at him with soft brown eyes. “Alright, alright,” muttered the alchemist. “What? Isn’t this good?”

A slight squeak, then a thoroughly embarassed nod. “V-very good, Edward-kun. It’s just--a question.”

Al would be proud of him; Ed waited an entire thirty seconds for Fury to continue. “Well?” he demanded at last. “Spit it out already.”

To his surprise, Fury tried to sit up. “I was just thinking,” he said. “I’ve...well, heard about this sort of thing before...”

Edward sighed with impatience. “Even my brother’s heard of it,” he replied, then stole another kiss. “Spit it out already.”

“I am.” Fury’s face was practically glowing with red. “I’d like to be on top.”

For several long seconds, Edward stared at the older man. “Serious?” Even if Ed hadn’t been leading all night, hadn’t been the one to initiate everything in this entire relationship, ‘Fury’ and ‘on top’ did not belong in a sentence together. Unless said sentence also included ‘never in a million years.’ The blond shook his head. “Why?”

Fury wiped the steam from his glasses, fingers shaking with both pleasure and nervousness. Edward felt dizzy just watching him. “Uhh...” he mumbled, staring up at Ed with those wide brown eyes. “It’s a height rule. And since I’m--” he glanced down “taller, I thought...maybe...”

Edward twitched.

“WHO’S SO SMALL THAT EVEN A FLEA COULD TOP HIM?!” If Fury had been wearing a shirt, Ed would have grabbed him by the lapels and shook him. As it was, he settled for the shoulders instead. “WHO’S THE HYPER CHIBI UKE WHO BRAIDS HIS HAIR BECAUSE HE LIKES TO LOOK FEMININE?!”

There was no response. Fury had fainted.

“God-damn,” muttered Ed, finally releasing his stranglehold on Fury’s shoulders. “I knew I should have stuck with Roy.”


crossposted to fma_yaoi

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