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12 August 2004 @ 12:37 am
Aand your nightly dose of humor fic.  
Who was it who told me that Hagaren fandom was in need of humor fic? Do you think I've done enough and should stop now? @_@

Title: Office Supplies
Rating: PG
Category: Humor, fluff
Spoilers: Minor spoilers for episode 17-18
Older brother: Fifteen
Younger brother: Fourteen


The parade-ground bellow split the office, causing several windows to rattle in their frames and several stacks of paper to dive to the ground in fright. The soldiers, meanwhile, cringed and braced in their respective positions with the instincts of the well-trained and truly guilty.

Lieutenant Hawkeye marched into the office with a clipboard and a steely glower. "Gentlemen," she addressed them in a crisp tone. "This is the third time we have received a complaint from Accounting over the quantity of office supplies that are disappearing from this section. Explain yourselves!"

Nobody was quite willing to meet her eyes. Fury pretended to be working hard on his license application. Havoc and Breda hunched over their cards, assiduously not looking up. Mustang had eyes only for his coffee.

Hawkeye huffed, and brandished the clipboard. "I have here a listing of the supplies that have consistently gone missing," she said. "I trust you gentlemen will be familiar with the contents, but I'll go over them again."

"Item one. Two dozen coffee mugs, plates, silverware and ash-trays."

Havoc bit down on the end of his cigarette.

"Item two. Four hundred boxes of paste."

Breda choked, and dropped his cards.

"Item three. Five office chairs and half a dozen cushions."

Fury whimpered. "I was having a party," he said in a hushed tone. "There weren't enough chairs in my room."

"Item four..." Hawkeye blinked at the manifesto. "A brand-new set of two-way, vibrating pagers."

There was a crunching noise from Roy's desk, as of teeth biting through the edge of a porcelain cup.

"Item five. Three dozen sheets of top-quality, high-gloss photo printer paper."

"Ask Hughes," the rest of the men in the room chorused. Hawkeye glanced up and around, then shrugged and made a note.

"Item six." She frowned, and looked around again. "What could anyone want with the office's self-sealing, hand-held laminator?"

"That thing?" Fury looked bemused. "Edward-kun saw me using it the other day and seemed very interested in it. He asked me to show him how it worked."

"Edward-kun?" Hawkeye's eyebrows climbed. "But he's hardly ever in the office. Why would he be interested in a hand-held laminator?"

"You should probably write that one off as a loss, Hawkeye-kun," Roy said in a fair approximation of a normal tone, setting down his coffee. There was a distinct dent in the edge. "Probably he wanted to transmute it into something else, and it's long gone by now."

"Speaking of which, Taisa," Hawkeye turned on him, reproving. "What use exactly would you have for a set of vibrating pagers?"

One of Roy's eyebrows twitched, but otherwise, his cool did not crack.

* * *

~An unused room in the building~

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Niisan?" Al hissed quietly. His helmet sat on the next desk over, darkened eyes watching the goings-on with an expression that somehow managed to convey worry.

"Of course I'm sure," Ed grunted. He was hanging half-in and half-out of Al's chest cavity, and his voice echoed eerily like his brother's. A moment of curses and scufflings followed, and a bang on the inside of his chest made Al jump.


"Al, if I can get this thing to work, we'll never have to worry about water getting in and disturbing your blood seal again," Ed asserted. "Now... don't move."

* * *

Current Mood: artisticartistic
Current Music: Sehnsucht - Rammstein
kiraqueen on August 11th, 2004 09:41 pm (UTC)
The part about the photo paper had me laughing like anything.

Very well-done...and I like the laminator idea.
mikkeneko on August 11th, 2004 09:45 pm (UTC)
Let's just assume that this is first season FMA, shall we? >_>;;
Ve: maho_kiwi - kimbreedana_fields on August 11th, 2004 09:41 pm (UTC)
Oh~! I love your fics so much! ^^
mikkeneko on August 11th, 2004 09:45 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
Kalika Maxwellkalikamaxwell on August 11th, 2004 09:44 pm (UTC)
I said that. We cannot have too much humor. It lenghtens your life. ^^ (wayyyy needed after chapter 38 too)

Ed just amuses me so much. And Roy. XD And Hawkeye is so cool. ^^
mikkeneko on August 11th, 2004 09:46 pm (UTC)
You think so? I'm just a bit worried that people will get tired of my stupid ficlets. ^^;
Kalika Maxwellkalikamaxwell on August 12th, 2004 12:53 pm (UTC)
I won't get sick of them at any rate. ^^;
a fangirl: <3<3<3 (robojellyfish)treesock on August 11th, 2004 09:51 pm (UTC)
Dude. Do more. XDXD It's like, episode 13 all over again. Much love.
mikkeneko on August 11th, 2004 10:02 pm (UTC)

The problem with writing in a closed series (as opposed to an open series which has no solid arcplot or ending, such as Ranma) is that ultimately you have fewer opportunities to fill things in. But as proved by episode 13 and... 38 was it? There's always room for office humor fics. X3
a fangirltreesock on August 11th, 2004 10:05 pm (UTC)
37, I think. Though I never saw it, stopped watching after a certain tragedy if you catch my drift.

Speaking of which, Hughes-centric humor is always good. Or Hughes and Winry-centric fluff/humor. Or Hughes and Sheska/Sciezka centrick fluff/humor.

mikkeneko on August 11th, 2004 10:31 pm (UTC)
You know, it's odd, but I haven't been bitten by any humor-bunnies concerning Hughes.

Kanashisugiru, deshou. ;.;
LCMlcm on August 11th, 2004 10:00 pm (UTC)
Oh but I am very, very amused. Joyful.
mikkeneko on August 11th, 2004 10:04 pm (UTC)
Re: XD
Always happy to entertain. ^_^
腹蛇: Precious laughteryoukofujima on August 11th, 2004 10:04 pm (UTC)
Hahahaa, that's awesome. XD yeah, that would be a good idea for Alphonse...seal that blood mark up...^^
mikkeneko on August 11th, 2004 10:07 pm (UTC)
Actually, I've been wondering about that. It doesn't seem like it would be safe for Al to go in the water... it might wash off... but the first time they sparred, Ed dunked him!
腹蛇youkofujima on August 12th, 2004 11:30 am (UTC)
Yeah, and sometimes Alphonse does have to be cleaned and oiled...
i am a jedi, like my father before me: twistertatooine on August 11th, 2004 10:05 pm (UTC)

*cough* Very funny fic. Vibrating pagers... yes. Vibrating pagers. XD
mikkeneko on August 11th, 2004 10:07 pm (UTC)
....Um... I don't have the manga. Is this a bad time for humor? ^^;
i am a jedi, like my father before me: fyetatooine on August 11th, 2004 10:15 pm (UTC)
No. Judging by the summaries posted in the comm... this is a good time for humor. Humor is needed. Especially humor about this particular group of people.
mikkeneko on August 11th, 2004 10:29 pm (UTC)
Oh. Okies. I'll do my best, then. :3
Junie: Ed out of it - byturnthatshitupcherrylilwolf on August 12th, 2004 01:25 am (UTC)
Need more FMA humor fics!! =D
mikkeneko on August 12th, 2004 10:13 am (UTC)
I was about to say, I'm sorry, I've run out of ideas, but I think I just got another one. >_>
Cuddlefishmoumusu on August 12th, 2004 08:34 am (UTC)
Omigod, there's always a need for funny fanfic. Especially hysterical ones where Roy is stealing vibrating pagers. You're bad, Roy Mustang.
mikkeneko on August 12th, 2004 10:12 am (UTC)
I haven't quite figured out what he wanted with them. >_> I considered adding a few lines of epilogue-type thing that explains where they went, but then thought that I'd just leave it to the reader's imagination. X3
ysabetysabet on August 12th, 2004 10:20 am (UTC)
O_o....... Owie, vibrating pagers..... **snerk** Not thinking about it, not thinking about it, lalalalalalaaaaaaaahhhhh...

But my brain STILL keeps going: "You know, anybody can use a cellphone; but it takes a *real* man to use a vibrating pager...") Again, I say 'owie!'

I have to ask, though: WHAT is Breda using all that paste for? That sort of worries me obscurely.
mikkeneko on August 12th, 2004 11:29 am (UTC)
*snicker* I wondered if anyone was going to ask about that. Even I don't know. But when I was pestering my online friends for ideas for this fic, one of them suggested, "Maybe somebody in the office eats paste." I'm not quite sure why he needs so much of it, but...