BAD BEEF STEW (kiraqueen) wrote in fm_alchemist,

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mini comedy fic...

I normally don't do fic-writing, but I thought I'd try it out because hey, I'm bored, and I'm sick of working on my Wrath wig. Please, though, go easy on me... I haven't done any fanfiction since I was 12 and writing about Sailor Sagittarius or writing really crappy Mary Sues with Xelloss from Slayers... Hell, I have no clue what I'm doing! Yay!

As you may have noticed, I'm short. There is no need to point it out to me, as I am painfully aware of this. When I was a kid, the doctor said I'd grow up to be 5'6 or even 5'8. Yeah. That's REAL accurate. He was probably thinking "Hey, this kid here is going to be a chibi forever, so let's try and tell him some nice, happy, reassuring lies. They might result in anger towards me (and a distrust of medical opinions) LATER, but hey, at least I don't have to tell some overly sensitive kid 'Sorry, but you've lost the height lottery!'"

You know, nobody respects the short people. They assume that just because you're short, you have a Napoleon complex or something. That's just not true! All we have are quick tempers, because when you have to look up at everybody, being a Marshmallow Blowup Doll won't get you far in life. You have to make yourself noticed. And if they can't see you, you need to MAKE them see you. Throwing a fit can help, because if you jump up and down enough and make enough noise, people are bound to notice. Plus, it's kind of a habit by now. Eh heh.

The only time you shouldn't throw a fit, though, is among your more violent friends, teachers, or other people with a tendency to hurt you for absolutely ridiculous reasons. And you shouldn't muck around with them and make them angry with you either. Honestly, I should be taking my own advice to heart, because no matter how I might act, being hit in the head with a wrench can hurt a lot! And being thrown across a room is not fun either. At least my clothes take some of the damage; why do you think I wear so many layers? Except, of course, that I must be the only person in this country who gets cold in the summer and says "I want my jackets!" But we'll overlook that for now, won't we?

...OK, that was interesting. I keep slipping into talking like myself, because dammit I could be saying this all if I just changed the gender-specific pronouns... My fanfiction skills rival Ed's drawing skills! (And I keep thinking I should use this as a solo entry for a masquerade...)

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