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11 August 2004 @ 10:48 am
Continuing the ARMSTRONG LOOOOVE.....  
Okay, this is in response to mikkeneko's post about there not being enough ARMSTRONG CROSSOVER LOVE. I must agree, and as I'm currently under a lot of stress I have done the following awfulness. Enjoy, mikkeneko! It's all your fault!

Armstrong in…… Hellsing!

“Oi… Um, Walter-san?”

“Mmm?” The Hellsing Organization’s butler/retired assassin glanced up from the day’s schedules, one eyebrow rising. “Yes, Seras?”

“Would you happen to know why Master’s lying on the floor in the hallway? He’s scaring the new trainees…”

Walter kept flipping through his pages. “He *always* scares the new trainees; I believe he said something to the effect of it being a ‘valuable part of their initiation,’ though personally I just think that the bastard likes watching them widdle their uniforms.”

“Ummm… you’re probably right about that. But he’s, well, he’s……. acting… funny…” The young vampire looked understandably nervous; the usually dark, brooding-in-a-somewhat-crazed-fashion Alucard had been sprawled across the tiles, giggling and mumbling “Oooh, the colors, the colors—“ while occasionally growing new eyes and limbs here and there. It had been rather unnerving.

Well, okay; more unnerving than usual, which was saying quite a lot.

“Mmph.” Walter gave the list a final dissatisfied once-over, monocle flashing in disapproval. “WHY do the higher-ups bother to schedule things at all if they’re going to bloody well change everything at the last minute?” He sighed. “Eh. As for Alucard, I suppose his condition might have something to do with the newest recruit…”

“Huh?” Seras’ head was beginning to hurt; maybe that batch of hospital blood she had drank the night before had been past its due-date. It *had* tasted a bit wonky—

“Over there.” Walter indicated the hulking figure who stood peering down at the master vampire’s twitches from a nearby doorway. “An import from Germany, I understand; something Alucard perpetrated on vacation last week, if the rumors are to be believed…”

“Uh oh.” The former policewoman had a distinct sinking feeling. “Oh no… Walter-san, *please* don’t tell me he got drunk again and—“

“I’m afraid so.”

“Oh, bloody HELL...”

Seras flinched back as the large, red-eyed figure strode forward; bald head gleaming in the overhead lights, the enormous man saluted. “At last! I have been looking forward to meeting you, Seras Victoria-san!” A blond moustache bristled above fledgling fangs as the newest member of Hellsing’s Very Peculiars bowed. “There is so MUCH I must learn from you and our master about my new state!” Blood-red sparkles seemed to glitter in the air around the new vampire as he straightened, muscles straining against his uniform’s fabric; there was a brief rending sound.

“And I am eager to put my own talents to work for my new employer!” A ham-sized hand closed on her shoulder, and Seras found herself being steered out the door and towards the nearby practice-range. “Let me show you the Armstrong Family Technique of Precision Aiming, passed down through my forbearers for generations! I understand that with our improved senses we can hit targets as much as a mile away—“

“Oh, bloody Hell—“

They stepped over the supine, red-coated figure on the floor; it giggled, black hair falling over its eyes as it grew a fourteenth (or was it fifteenth?) eye smack in the middle of its chest. “…so pink…….. oooh…… tasty…..”

“Walter? Walter-san? Help?”

The butler was already accelerating down the hall. “Sorry, Seras, you’re on your own with this one— I’ll, ah, go see about detox treatments for Alucard….. I’m sure I have the number for the Betty Ford clinic somewhere—“

Behind Ceres’ shrinking form, Armstrong beamed happily. This was going to be fun.


Heh heh heh...... see what sleep-deprivation and stress will do to a person?
Current Mood: bouncysomewhat wired on caffeine
Current Music: (in my head) "Personal Space Invader"
|<4ti3: It's Christmas in J-Rock-land4ti3k4t35 on August 11th, 2004 11:25 am (UTC)
It makes you forget to LJ-Cut? ^^; But seriously. There needs to be more Hellsing and FMA. *nods* Mmm...sexy.
ysabet: HappyRoyysabet on August 11th, 2004 11:41 am (UTC)
Ooops... could've SWORN I put the LJ-cut thingie in... Aack. Sorry!
Procrastination Queen: The End is Near.forever_slash on August 11th, 2004 11:33 am (UTC)
Tehehe, I've never even seen Hellsing, but that was hilarious! XD
Patricia: Anderson is crazysp4z on August 11th, 2004 12:30 pm (UTC)
XD That's awesome.
I run on coffee and impatiencemelts on August 11th, 2004 01:05 pm (UTC)
XDDD...that's just hilarious

Poor Alucard though....
ysabetysabet on August 11th, 2004 02:04 pm (UTC)
Yeah, he'll have to go dry out at a drug-rehab facility; you can blame THAT idea on my workplace (I deal with mental health/substance abuse client death-or-accident reports all day long). I think I feel sorrier for the nurses, actually.

Can't you just see it, though? The Pink Sparkly Terror of the Night, Vampire!Armstrong..... "Let me show you the Armstrong Family Bloodsucking Method, handed down by generations of my forbearers!"
I run on coffee and impatiencemelts on August 11th, 2004 04:59 pm (UTC)
XDDD....Someone really need to do a fan art to this...

Integral is probably twitching in a corner, and Father Anderson is running around in circles....XDDD
mikkeneko on August 11th, 2004 03:47 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure whether I want to laugh or cry with pride. *wipes eyes*

I've never seen Hellsing, but this was just wonderful. Poor Mr. Alucard. XD
ysabet: HappyRoyysabet on August 11th, 2004 04:28 pm (UTC)
**evil grin** Glad you liked it! (You DID like it, right.... right? **snerk**) Hellsing is a gory, lurid vampire series set in Britain (where, oddly enough, everybody seems to be speaking Japanese, but hey, whatever... and even stranger, the background music is ALWAYS in English. Go figure.) and has the distinction of actually having *decent* dubs, which is rare. They did proper accents, characterization, everything; couldn't believe it when I heard the dubs the first time. It's a weird, weird series, and Alucard is a gods-alone-know-how-old vampire who is working with a vampire-eradication agency under duress of a magical nature... and possibly because it amuses him. Seras Victoria is a young Londoner policewoman who gets turned into a vampire and has to deal with it; so far, I've only seen 13 episodes out, more's the pity; but the manga's being translated into English and is on the stands (and it's GOOD. Shock!) right now up through volume 3. Not everyone's cup of tea, that's for sure, but it's funnier than hell now and then if you've got a high gore-acceptance rate.
Sarah: omg_wrongseriesgundamnook on August 11th, 2004 05:30 pm (UTC)
*giggles* Great fic! Reminded me of this picture I found.

I don't remember where I found this, but props to the fanartist who drew it. There's not enough FMA/Hellsing crossover goodness. ^^
ysabetysabet on August 12th, 2004 08:23 am (UTC)
Oh. My. Freaking. GODS. **falls over, twitching**

...........thank you............ That is just wrong in the extreme.....