Pairing: Implied past EdxWinry, future EdxRoy?
Rating: M for Ed's mouth
Summery: Everyone says it gets better, but how do I go one without her?
Chapter listing can be found here.
A/N: My day at work was insane, but I mean that's everyday when you work at a daycare haha. So needless to say I didn't proofread this before I posted it here, lol.
Al's house, he could see it. They were almost there, the drive way was right in front of him. He slowly pulled in the drive way, he was so close to making it to the safety of his bedroom. Parking the car, Edward got out of the driver's seat, shutting the door as he made his way to Annelise. Unbuckling her from her car seat, Edward picked her up and shut the door. They were almost at the front door..
“Daddy?” Annelise said, absentmindedly fiddling with her fathers ponytail.
“Yes, sweetheart?” Edward asked, unlocking the front door. Wiping his feet before bringing himself and his daughter into their temporary home. Closing the door behind him, he placed Annelise on the floor as he took his jacket off.
Al smiled as he poked his head out of the kitchen, “Welcome back, Brot-”
“When do I get to see Mommy again?” Annelise asked innocently, interrupting her Uncle's greeting.
Edward looked at his young daughter like he'd seen a ghost, surprised at the sudden question three months after her Mother's death. Edward looked up quickly, looking at his brother for support. Al quickly made his way into the living room, ready to intervene if he needed too. Edward was just so damn determined to not have Annelise see him cry...
“Annelise..” Edward started, getting down to her level. “We've talked about this, Mommy's not coming back..”
“But I can see her again, right?” Annelise asked, her eyes hopeful. It hadn't truly set in yet, it wasn't finalized in her mind.
Edward was trying so hard right now, Al could see it. This was hard for him, to tell his four-year old over and over again that Mommy was not coming back. Annelise just didn't understand..
“No sweetie, Mommy's gone..” Edward answered quietly, his voice filled to the brim with emotion.
Annelise just remained silent, her lips forming into a frown and beginning to quiver
Edward let out a shuddering breath, “Excuse me.” He said quickly, slowly making his way back to the guest room that was now his bedroom.
Annelise turned towards her Uncle, “What's wrong with Daddy?” She asked, concerned.
Al gently sat the girl on his knee, “This is a really hard time for your Daddy, he really misses your Mommy right now.”Al answered. Slowly, he pulled his little niece into his arms and held her close.
“I miss Mommy too..” Annelise said sadly, burying her face in her Uncle's shoulder.
“I know sweetie, we all do.” Al said, cradling the little girl in his arms.
This was hard for all of them, but Al knew no one hurt like Edward did..
“Damn it all!” Edward cursed as he slammed the bedroom door, collapsing on to his bed. Lifting up his pillow, he gently picked up the picture of his late wife. It was his favorite picture of her, taken at the beach when they were on their honeymoon. Her long blonde stands flowing in the wind, bright blue eyes sparkling in the sun. She looked absolutely stunning..
“How could you do this to me?” Edward asked, his voice quiet and broken. “How could you just leave me all alone!”
He stared at the picture, taking in the face of his beautiful wife... “How can I do this without you?” He asked, his voice trembling as he spoke, “How can I raise our daughter alone?”
He ran his fingers across the picture, imagining he was running his fingers through her silky blonde hair. Oh god, he missed her so much. “Three months without you and I feel like I'm dying.” Edward said in a low, somber tone. “I'm shit at this parenting stuff, poor Annelise has been goin' through hell.” He continued, “Everyone's goin' through hell without you, Win.”
A single tear rolled down his cheek, creating a glistening stream as it created it's trail. “I miss you so much Winry, I don't know how to do this without you..” Edward said, his tone broken as he ran his thumb across her cheek. Wishing he wasn't stroking the glossy print of a picture and that his wife was with him in the flesh.
Thirteen weeks, ninety-one days, two thousand one hundred ninety-one hours, one hundred thirty-one thousand and four hundred eighty-seven minutes...
“It's pure fuckin' hell laying here, watching life go one without you.”
“Boys, I want you to go upstairs and start your homework.” Roy stated as he opened the front door. Walking inside the slightly stuffy house, the little boys following behind him. Shutting the door behind him, he took off his jacket and hung it on the coat rack before kicking off his shoes and placing them by the door.
“Okay, Dad.” They replied in unison. Following their Father's actions, they slowly took their shoes off and placed them by the door. Hanging up their light jackets next, before racing each other into the dining room to start their homework.
“Boys,” Roy started in his stern, parenting tone. “how many times do I have to tell you, we do not run in the house.”
The boys brushed him off, chattering away to each other as they emptied out their backpacks on the dining room table.
Roy merely chuckled at their antics, shaking his head slightly as he made his way into the living room. Falling into the comfort of the couch, Roy thought over the events of the day and what he planned on making for dinner. He listened to his boys chatter away in the dining room, working together on their assignments and helping one another.
He smiled, his boys were so good. He was so proud of them, he was lucky to have been given such wonderful little boys. He was lucky that was the last gift Riza ever gave him...
At the thought of Riza, Roy was reminded of his conversation with Edward earlier that day. The man who had just recently lost his wife and was still swimming in the sea of darkness. While Edward had never outright told him that he was still struggling, Roy could see it in the man. He was still trying to find peace with the unthinkable tragedy, still trying to swim against the current of loss and grief.
Roy knew it all too well...
He had lost Riza all too soon, it was sudden and left Roy with a gapping hole in his chest that still had yet to be filled. The boys were all too little, they barely remembered their Mother and Roy hated that fact because Riza was such a wonderful Mother to their sons..
So lost in thought of his wife and how she was gone too soon, Roy didn't hear the sound of his young son calling for him. It wasn't until he felt a tiny hand grasp his own that he was awaken from his thoughts.
“Daddy?” It was Lucas, standing in front of him with his small hand wrapped around his Father's.
“I'm sorry,” Roy said, blinking slightly as he straightened up. “I just got lost in my thoughts,” he admitted, “what do you need, Lucas?”
Lucas was quiet for a moment, rubbing his thumb against the palm of Roy's hand. “You were thinking about Mommy.” Lucas said, it wasn't a question but a statement. As if the little boy was able to read his mind.
Roy let a moment of silence pass before he spoke, a small, sad smile gracing his lips. “Yes I was...” He mumbled, it wasn't often that these moments of grief washed over him, as Riza had been gone for five years now. While it wasn't something that Roy liked, life had moved on at rapid speed without Riza..
Lucas gave Roy a sad look before climbing into his lap, burying his face the crook of Roy's neck as he latched on to his Daddy.
Roy took in this moment, where his son wanted the attention he normally shielded from. His boys were becoming more independent, and due to that moments like this were becoming more and more rare. Wrapping his arms around Lucas, he pulled the small boy close to him. “I love you, Daddy.” Lucas whispered, clutching on to the thick fabric of Roy's white button up.
“I love you too, Lucas.” Roy replied, kissing the top of Lucas's head.
“Luke (1), did Dad ever help you with that ma-” Roman's voice broke through the bonding moment the two were sharing. Looking up, Roy and Lucas saw Roman's head sticking out from the dining room with a concerned look on his face.
“Is something wrong?” Roman asked, concerned as to why his Father looked sad.
“Dad was thinking about Mommy.” Lucas said, wrapping his arms around Roy's neck almost protectively.
Roman gave Lucas a nod, before quickly making his way to the couch and latching on to his Father. Carefully, Roy scooped up his other son and brought him into his lap. Lucas made room for his brother, sliding to the side so that his twin had room.
“Thank you, boys,” Roy said in a quiet tone that the twins rarely ever heard. “I love you both so much..”
“Edward..” Al said quietly, knocking on the door ever so lightly.
He was met with silence, as he had expected.
Alphonse let out a sigh, rubbing his temples slightly.
What was he going to do?
It had been three months since Winry died, two and a half months since Edward and Annelise moved in, and three months of hell in total. Everything was a mess, Edward was a total wreck and Annelise drifted between understanding what had happened and screaming for her Mother. And he...was stuck somewhere in-between, where the pain of her loss was there but it had to be shuffled aside to take care of the two who were suffering the most.
The loss of Winry was still raw to all of them, adjusting to life without her was still in the developments and Edward was still in terrible pain without her..
It was worse than when their Mother had died, and they were all still a long ways away from recovering.
“Uncle Al?” Annelise's small voice broke through.
Looking down he saw Annelise standing in front of him, her sapphire orbs filled with concern. “Yes, sweetie?” Al said, crouching down to her level.
“Is Daddy hurt?” She asked, fiddling with the hem of her skirt.
“No,” Al answered, “Why do you think he's hurt?”
“Because he keeps crying, like I do when I fall and get a boo-boo.” Annelise answered, “And Daddy says that sometimes when you get a really bad boo-boo you cry a lot.”
Al inwardly chuckled, Annelise was quite a bright child. “Well,” Al started, “I guess you could say your Daddy has a really bad boo-boo, on his heart.”
“Can you put a band-aid on it to make him feel better?” Annelise asked, thinking about the brightly colored band-aids they had just gotten at the store.
Al shook his head sadly, oh how he wished it was that simple. “No sweetie, this is the type of boo-boo that only time will fix.” He answered simply.
Annelise stood in silence for a moment, taking all the information in. “Well can I see Daddy?” She asked quietly, twiddling her fingers slightly.
“I don't know about that, honey..” Al answered, thinking about how Edward was probably curled up in his bed. Holding on to a picture of Winry and lost in sea of darkness.
But Annelise ignored her Uncle's answer, pounding her tiny fist on the door. “Daddy!!” She cried. “Daaadddy!”
Al didn't know what to do, Al knew that Edward was determined to not have Annelise see him a mess but what was he to do when she needed him?
It was then when Al turned the door knob very quietly, watching as the door slowly creaked open. Annelise, who stood in front of the slightly cracked doorway, looked up at Alphonse for a sign that it was ok to go. Al nodded and watched as Annelise slowly tiptoed into her Father's dimly lit bedroom, peering at the form of her Father wallowing underneath the covers.
The small child quickly padded her way over to the bed, climbing up she slid underneath the thick comforter and snuggled up against her Father's form. Edward's body stiffened at the feel of a small body nestled up against his own.
Looking down, he saw Annelise cuddled up against his stomach. Her sapphire orbs locked on him, a worried look glazed over her features. “Lisie (2), what are you doing in here?” Edward asked, his voice was soft and sad. He pulled the small child close to him, wrapping his arms around her lithe body.
“You've got a boo-boo on your heart.” Annelise said, “You always make me feel better when I get a boo-boo, so I'm going to make you feel better.”
Edward felt a small smile tug at the ends of his lips, Annelise was truly a wonderful child. “You're so sweet, baby.” Edward mumbled, kissing her forehead softly. “I feel better already.”
It was a lie, a total and utter lie.
But he'd do anything to see Annelise smile.
Watching that wide grin spread across his daughter's face was all he needed, to see that smile made everything better.
Even this, it even made this better.
Well, hate the ending but I finally finished chapter 2!