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28 August 2010 @ 01:40 am
fic: HALF LIVES, Chapter 16: "Just Desserts (and Birthday Presents)  

Fic: HALF LIVES, Chapter 16: JUST DESSERTS (And Birthday Presents)

Author: binaryalchemist 

Rating: NC-17 for exotic erotica, voyeurism, self-pleasuring and the abuse of gourmet food

Pairing: Roy/Ed, references to past Roy/Hughes and the ending of Ed and Winry’s marriage. One-sided Riza-for-Roy, Havoc and…Havoc, and a brief Havoc/Riza

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Yaoi romance. References to domestic violence Shameless romance this chapter!

WARNING: This is yaoi. If you aren’t comfortable, don’t read. Wank will be ignored.

Spoilers: Years have passed since the Father’s Fall (chapter 108)  Things in Resembool have not gone well and Ed has the scars to prove it, seeking healing and refuge in his work at Central Command…but Roy Mustang has never been one to calmly stand by and see his friends hurt…

 

Chapter 15: http://community.livejournal.com/fm_alchemist/6986681.html

Chapter 14: http://community.livejournal.com/fm_alchemist/6978255.html#cutid1

Chapter 13:http://community.livejournal.com/fm_alchemist/6976485.html

Chapter 12: http://community.livejournal.com/fm_alchemist/6973165.html

Chapter 11: http://community.livejournal.com/fm_alchemist/6968750.html#cutid2

Chapter 10: http://community.livejournal.com/fm_alchemist/6966647.html

Chapter 9: http://community.livejournal.com/fm_alchemist/6962477.html#cutid2

Chapter 8: http://community.livejournal.com/fm_alchemist/6957897.html

Chapter 7: http://community.livejournal.com/fma_yaoi/1956444.html#cutid1

Chapter 6: http://community.livejournal.com/fma_yaoi/1955468.html#cutid1

Chapter 5: http://community.livejournal.com/fma_yaoi/1954820.html

Chapter 4: http://community.livejournal.com/fma_yaoi/1954759.html#cutid1

Chapter 3: http://community.livejournal.com/fma_yaoi/1953583.html#cutid1

Chapter 2: http://community.livejournal.com/fma_yaoi/1953116.html#cutid1

Chapter 1: http://community.livejournal.com/fma_yaoi/1952285.html#cutid1

Chapter Summary: Roy and Edward celebrate Ed’s birthday in a turn of the century bawdy house, complete with velvet couches, antique plumbing….and peep holes in the not-very-sound-proof doors. Standing guard, Jean Havoc and Riza Hawkeye catch their Fuhrer with his pants down…and find that Roy and Edward aren’t the only ones that could be caught in a compromising position…

***HALF LIVES has now reached NEARLY NINE THOUSAND HITS on FF.Net—thank you so very much, everybody! Feedback gratefully appreciated!!****

As always, for rueme  for her amazing artwork—HAPPY BIRTHDAY to fullmetalrose 

 

HALF LIVES Chapter 16: JUST DESSERTS AND BIRTHDAY PRESENTS

By The Binary Alchemist, 2010

 

             “I thought we’d have a little dessert.”

            The linen cover was twitched aside. There was a chilled silver bowl of chocolate mousse. There was also a small bone china crock and a sliver spoon.

            The front of the crock bore a single word in gilded letters; “BUTTER”

            “So…what’s on the menu?” Ed wanted to know.

            Roy offered him a slow, hot grin.

“You.” Somewhere a china clock sweetly chimed twelve strokes in the winter darkness. “Happy Birthday!”

   Then Roy blew out the candles and began to feast…

 

Given the preference, Ed would have asked for something with fresh strawberries. On the other hand, chocolate rum mousse licked off Roy’s fingers while lying back on an antique velvet chaise longue more than made up for the substitution. “You mind lighting those candles again? You’re getting it all over my chin, asshole.”

SNAP! Every candle in the room blazed to life and Roy leaned in to playfully lap up any chocolaty smears on Ed’s face. “Satisfied?”

“Yeah. Aren’t you going to have any? It’s fuckin’ amazing.”

Roy withdrew his fingers from the silver bowl and smiled.  “Mmmm….I was giving that some serious thought. But I’m a bit old for finger feeding. Let me suggest something better, “ His expression became mischievous. “Get naked.”

 

^^^

            Okay. So. The Chief and Ed were making out in Room Five. Ho hum. 

Havoc didn’t particularly want to stand guard in the hall, but he and Hawkeye were sharing bodyguard shifts tonight, and if Chief was determined to sneak off and have a little rendezvous with the formerly-Short-Shit-Alchemist, who were they to tell him to get his ass back in the Palace before some anti-Drachman knee-jerk jackass decided to plug him with a slug?  At the Presidential Palace nine-tenths of the staff had some combat training. Hell, Sebastian was probably the most dangerous motherfucker Havoc knew of. Son of a bitch was Black Ops security, just like that tight assed Claude. Anybody even farted in the wrong direction and Sebastian could flick a sleeve dagger faster than Hughes in his best day.  And that pocket watch chain could snap around a victim’s neck like a garrote with the flick of a wrist. There had been no fewer than five assassination attempts on Roy Mustang since he ascended to power. Hawkeye nailed two. Havoc took one out—and Sebastian had pinned three others through the heart without breaking sweat.  The night Dimitri and Her Nibs from the North met with Roy, Sebastian flicked a steak knife off the table and pinned a fly to the wall—and the Drachman Tsar nearly shit himself.  Negotiations went a damn sight smoother after that.

So—Ed. Chief. Room Five. There was a peephole and he could see clearly through the candlelight that they were being all disgusting and lovey-dovey and Ed was sucking chocolate somethingorother off the Chief’s fingers. Havoc shrugged and lipped his unlit cigarette, wishing he could at least play solitaire or read some smut.

Then things got really, really quiet.

Too quiet.

Bored but alert, Havoc was about to glance quickly just to make sure they hadn’t left by some inner door.

Then he heard the President of Amestris tell his lover, “Remember, Ed—I can only breathe on the out stroke.”

Huh???

He risked a peek.

He wished he hadn’t.

His Excellency, the Fuhrer President of Amestris, leader of the free world…was lying on his back, naked, with his head hanging off the raised curved end of what Havoc’s mom would have called a ‘fainting couch’. His neck was straight and properly aligned. He smiled seductively and gestured to a very naked, very erect former Fullmetal to approach the couch and place his hands on the cushions while Mustang reached out and guided Ed’s hips forward…closer…closer still. His lips parted and by the flickering light Havoc was pretty damned sure he could see Roy’s tonsils.

“Now,” Roy commanded, kissing the oozing slit of the younger man’s chocolate covered cock. “Fuck me.”

And he did.

Havoc bit his cigarette filter in half and nearly swallowed it. Ed was…was…oh my fucking god… Ed’s tight little buttocks—Havoc was starting to sweat now—clenched and rocked forward and there was a low, sobbing wail. He’s…damn…he’s got his dick so far down  the Chief’s gullet he’s gonna beat the man’s brains out with his balls!! And the Chief was hard as a brick, cock flailing, dripping jizz all over and thrusting at the ceiling with his hips while his hands crawled all over Ed’s ass, working a finger in which made Ed yell even louder. Ed was digging his fingers into that sofa, and between those wide-spread thighs he could see the upper half of Roy’s head—at least what wasn’t obscured by a swinging nut sack.

“ohhFUUUUCKKKROYYYYshitmotherfuckin’GODDAMN…yeahhhhh…ohhh…ohh…suck me HARD, you bastard…take it…yeahhhooohhhh….I’m gonna….shiiiiiiiiiiitttttt…”

The front of Havoc’s uniform was tented out so far he thought his dick was going to chew its way out through the zipper. He was mortified. Two guys. Guys. Fucking. And he was about to come in his pants. Soon as Hawkeye got there, he vowed, he’d run to the head and either think thoughts about kittens and spring flowers and…and…girls with huge nipples…or he’d be forced to rub one off and then get righteously drunk over the horror of it all. Getting a boner over seeing the Chief throating Edward Elric.

Hell, no woman had ever done that for Havoc.

He risked another look. Ed had collapsed to the carpet, panting hard and shivering. Roy was slowly lifting his head so as to avoid the blood rushing back too quickly.  He was smiling. His lips were bruised and his face was very, very wet.

Wet with…Havoc’s cock twitched.  He closed his eyes and tried to think about mountainous melons, women with boobs that were rock hard and deep cherry nipples—his favorite—anything, please God---anything but Roy Mustang with jizz on his face, a hard cock in his fist and Ed on his hands and knees crawling back to the couch for more.

Ahem-hemm-hmmm”

Hawkeye. Ohhh shit.. Thankyougod, thankyou thankyou…

“Major? Are you all right?” And she was staring straight down at what was pointing straight up but thankfully still in his pants.

“Fine-thanks-gotta-make-a-head-call—“ He nearly tripped over the pattern of the hall rug in his mad rush to tiptoe to the bathroom on the other side of the building so the flush would not be overheard and alert Ed that Roy was being followed by his bodyguards, even in the most…unguarded…of moments.

 

###

 

The last of the chocolate mousse was long gone and the single crystal flute of champagne tipped back, it’s warm bubbly dryness passed from mouth to mouth. “Didn’t know you were such a perverted old man,” Ed ribbed him, grinning with satisfaction.

“Well, I didn’t hear any objections, just a lot of moaning, so I saw no reason to quit. Unless,” he looked wicked now, “you wanted to just pull your cock out of my esophagus, zip up and go play gin rummy with your little brother on your birthday, Hmmmmm?”

“Well---“ Ed flushed the color of the chaise. “It was—“

“Yes, it was,” Roy finished, grinning smugly, comfortable and confident in his own skin. Ed had never seen him look so playful, so relaxed and wanton—he’d never seen anybody looking like this before, not even in the odd dirty magazine he might have accidentally flipped through in his teens.  He grinned back and ran his hand admiringly along Roy’s inner thigh before letting his fingers brush and tease the fine black curls. Impulsively, he drew his hand to his face and inhaled. “Why do you smell so good?” Ed demanded. “You smell good all over. I can smell you on my skin in the morning and it gets me so hard.”

Edward’s artless candor pleased Roy immensely. “Same reason I like to sleep with my face in the back of your neck—it’s the scent of your hair and skin. Chemical attraction. Pheromones. Wonderful thing, chemistry.”

“Winry never…” Ed shook his head. Truth be told, Winry smelled like grease, oil, sweat and metal. Automail smells, like Ed had smelled himself for years. He still carried a whiff of steel and machine oil but not as strongly as when nearly half his upper body was metal and carbon. “ I-I mean..it just wasn’t…she didn’t affect me like this. And if anybody told me I ever would react this way to a guy,” he sighed, “I’d have told ‘em they were out of their fuckin’ minds.”

“Doesn’t’ always happen between two people.” Roy pulled Ed down onto the tufted velvet, curling his body around his lover. “We’re lucky.”

“Yeah.” Ed squeezed Roy’s cock gently. “We are.

Roy leaned up on one elbow. “Speaking of lucky—I’m not sure about you country boys, but when kids grow up in the city, and their parents ask them what they want for Solstice or their birthday, they almost always say the same thing.”

“What’s that?”

Roy leaned over Ed’s shoulder and reached for the small porcelain crock. “A pony.”

Ed shrugged.  “Ponies means shoveling horseshit. I’d have asked for a trip to the bookstore—and maybe a new fishing pole.”

Roy rolled his eyes. “Such a realist,” he jibed. “In all seriousness, city kids would beg for a pony ride on their birthdays. Aunt Chris never let me down and took me to the funfair every year and paid to let me ride for a whole hour. Cost a fortune in tickets but she knew how much it meant to me.” He smiled at the memory, then held up the crock so the golden letters B-U-T-T-E-R flashed in the candlelight. “Since you’re obviously not interested in pony rides…why not ride a Mustang instead?” He opened the crock, dipped his finger inside and then mischievously licked off a finger-full of creamy goodness. “Remember page 211?”

Ed jerked upright and stared down at his lover. “Wha…whaaat??”

“You book-marked it.” Roy’s buttery finger ticked off an invisible checkmark. “You left notes…”

“---yeah, but—“

“I asked you to mark things that you thought might be fun, didn’t I?”

“—well…yeah—but—“

“—and this chaise is designed to the exacting speculations for that particular act of intimate congress…right?”

Ed was spluttering, flushed and panicked. “But—“

“—and you also marked page 63. Or at least,” Roy purred wickedly, “that page seemed a bit…sticky. I’m assuming you went back and read it when you were alone, probably with some of that hospital hand lotion—or was it shampoo? You certainly enjoyed it when I did it last time. So,” he caught Ed by the elbow and pulled him down beside him, “ Let us begin with page 63, paragraph seven…and then let’s see if you’re in the mood to saddle up and go for a ride…”

 

***

 

            Rebecca used to joke with Riza that continuing to work for Roy Mustang after hearing that the two had mutually decided not to have an intimate relationship, “must be like the poor diabetic kid stuck in the candy store. You look…you see the most delicious things…mmmm…and that smell drives you out of your mind…and you know you can buy what you want…but you are not getting One. Damn. Taste. Doesn’t it make you crazy, girl?”

            Yes. It did.  Because, contrary to popular belief, Riza Hawkeye was human. She was the Perfect Soldier, and could effortlessly shoot the short hairs off a fleeing squirrel, but she was a woman and she was not immune to regret.

            Her little talk with Winry on the riverbank had been straight from her heart. At the same time, she acknowledged that while she couldn’t have Roy…if he crept into her thoughts as she lay alone in the dark, hand between her thighs, she could still enjoy the fantasy of wanting.

            Roy was happier than he’d been since—well, since she’d known him as a young teenager, the much abused and harassed prize pupil of Bert hold Hawkeye. The old man loved Roy and as with all things he loved he often neglected and maligned him.  Roy had been so serious, so intense, so dedicated. And he had loved Maes Hughes with such depth and intensity that he had gone quite out of his mind, however briefly, when his one chance to destroy Maes’ killer was snatched away from him.

            Caring for Edward in the hospital had been surprising. Learning of their relationship had pleased her in an odd way. If she couldn’t have him, at least Edward was someone she respected and admired for all his prickliness and his sharp tongue. Roy kept his feelings well concealed, as did Edward. Nonetheless, Roy’s recent happiness was evident to anyone who had observed the Fuhrer for years.

            And nobody had observed Roy Mustang more closely than Riza Hawkeye.

But as she took her place at Havoc’s post, she noted her subordinate’s state of evident arousal and while her face was impassive as ever she inwardly flinched at what might be going on on the other side of that parlor door…

***

“Wha…what are you going to do with that butterawwwwwwFUUUUUCCCKKK!!!!!”

            He was on his knees, straddling Roy’s chest, and the tickle of warm breath, followed by the soft stab of a warm tongue told Ed exactly what Roy had had in mind.  He had dipped out a generous spoonful of butter, placed it on his tongue and now he was…ohhhgodddd!! “You…you’re fuckin’ killing me,” he panted, yet he pushed back against those slick fingers that scissored and teased, willing that tongue to thrust deeper, faster. Another mouthful of butter and Roy obliged him, humming and purring with delight as Ed shuddered and squirmed  while protesting loudly that it was too much—way too much to bear.

            Then Roy lifted his knees, feet firmly planted on the cushion for support. “Page 211…are you ready?”

            Ed wiped the sweat out of his eyes. “This is going to kill me,” he growled, but he turned around and rose up on his knees, glaring down at his lover. “Should have never let you see my notes.”

            Roy offered him a wolfish grin. “Never hint what you’d like as a present—because someone who loves you is likely to give it to you.”

            Ed’s expression softened, becoming oddly tender. “You really meant it.”

            A strong, scarred hand rested firmly over Edward’s heart. “And I won’t take it back,” Roy answered softly. “Do you believe me?”

            Edward slowly leaned down, his mouth gently brushing against Roy’s . “Let’s ride,” he murmured.  “Show me what to do.”

            Roy handed him the butter. Sitting back on his heels, Ed dipped his finger in. “This isn’t going back in the ice box is it? I’d hate like hell for some customer to dip lobster in this thing and eat one of my pubes by accident.”

            “You have the soul of a poet, Edward,” Roy taunted. “Now remember what you’ve read.”

            “Don’t be so impatient, asshole,” Ed grumbled but he scooped up a double fingerful of butter and spread it carefully over the head of Roy’s cock.

            It melted quickly, the swollen flesh so hot, and Ed couldn’t tear his eyes away from it. He dabbed a tiny bit into the cleft and then licked it up, the sweetness of the butter blended with the saltiness of Roy’s own essence. “Hmmmmmm…’ Slowly he drew down the velvety hood, revealing the flushed, glistening tip, so wet for him already. Another coating of the cool butter stroked over the bare glans melted almost instantly. “Shit,” Ed whispered reverently. “Oh…okay…how do I…”

            “I’ll help.”  Roy guided. Ed glided slowly back…and Roy lifted his hips slightly, pressing his well-lubed tip against his lover. “Whenever you’re ready,” he whispered urgently.

            Aaahhowwwwwwwww…”  He was gritting his teeth, working the thickness in his tightness, pausing to let the frantic clenching slow to a gentle throb, proof that his body was now ready to accept what was to come. With Roy’s help, he struggled to his knees, thighs wide apart, leaning slightly against Roy’s upraised thighs for support.

            “Ready?” 

            Ed was shivering with painpleasureneedhunger and ohgodhe’s filling me up…it’s so…I can’t take…AAAAHHHHHH!!!!  He had taken his lover to the hilt and sat there on Roy’s hips, cock dripping, gasping for breath, motionless, head flung back. And he was breathtaking.

            After an eternity, he raised his head and told his lover, “I can feel your heartbeat.”

            And he began to ride.

           

###

            And on the other side of the door, the eye glued to the peep hole grew wide.

            Years ago she’d seen a woman in the streets in the South performing the beledi, seductive form of desert tribal dance that left men breathless and women blushing from the abandoned sensuality of it—right up until the MPs dragged her off for disturbing the peace. Perhaps Edward had seen such writhing in his travels---she didn’t know but what she beheld through the spy hole was simply the most erotic dance she’d ever beheld or even heard of.

            Crouching on velvet, naked, sweating, clad only in his long wet hair, Edward was dancing for his man, hips churning, belly rolling. Hands sliding sensuously over his own scarred chest, down his belly, offering his swollen cock to his lover, stroking it shamelessly, licking the pearly juices from his fingers, then pressing them into Roy’s mouth. He was hissing out curses, endearments, grinding down hard, rising up until just the tip lingered inside and then squeezing…making Roy howl and swear and plunge up into that beautiful maimed body….slamming back down…and then arching all the way back between Roy’s spread thighs until his head touched the velvet beneath them, and with a choked cry an arc of whiteness burst from him, raining down on his lover’s chest.

            Roy jackknifed into a  sitting position and locked his arms around Edward’s hips, rocking up furiously into the body that clenched him mercilessly. Riza stared, sweat drenched, as Roy’s back arched, his body went rigid and he sobbed out Edward’s name.

 

###

            After wanting Roy for the better part of a lifetime, she’d finally seen what she’d fantasized over for so long.  His body. His cock, thickly swollen and beautifully veined, those long supple thighs. She’d seen that cock plunging into Ed the way she’d once—no, still- wished he would plunge into her. That long whipping mane of gold could have been her own.

            For a moment, just a moment, she hated Edward Elric with every breath in her sweating, trembling body. Only the fiercest of self control kept her hand away from her sidearm.

            Instead, it slipped under her waistband.

            Then she heard Havoc’s  whisper in the dark.

 Let me…”

            And she did.

###

            “You said there was a washroom,” Ed called over his shoulder. It was nearly 4am and the two had decided it was time to clean up a bit, get dressed and sneak back to the Palace. A small door fronted with frosted glass led to what Ed imagined would be a full bath with at least a shower. If people had been fucking all night in these rooms—and he shuddered to think how Aunt Chris would get the butter and chocolate mousse and semen and sweat out of that much abused chaise—they’d want to tidy up. Only there was nothing tidy-worthy. Just a rack of towels, a sink…and the damndest looking toilet he’d ever seen.

            “That’s a bidet, Edward,” Roy called from the other room where he was gathering up their clothes.

            “A what??”

            “Bidet. Every good whorehouse has one in every room.”

            Edward was mystified. “So…” he ventured, “you take a dump…and what??”

            It’s not a toilet!!” Roy sounded horrified at the very suggestion. “It’s for washing yourself after sex. There’s soap—look for it, and towels. You go ahead. I’ll straighten up—“

            “—and throw out the rest of the butter. No pubes on lobster tails,” Ed warned.

            There was a sigh of frustration. “Really, Ed—you can be so provincial sometimes…”

            Ed contemplated the porcelain contraption with suspicion. It had a drain, yes, two water knobs and a soforth. He bent down for closer inspection to see which was hot and which was cold and---

            “AAAAAAKKKKKKKKCCCKKK!!!!!!”

            Roy’s head popped around the doorway. There was a positive geyser of icy water spraying nearly three feet in the air—and Ed had caught the blast straight in the face.

            He pushed the dripping strands of his drenched hair out of his eyes and glared daggers at his lover.

            “Laugh and I’ll fuckin’ kill you.”

 

…….TO BE CONTINUED….

 

 

 
 
remaintobreatheremaintobreathe on August 28th, 2010 05:56 am (UTC)
Tsk, tsk, do you boys ever get the feeling you're being watched? ...Although, you know what? DAMN what I wouldn't give for an all access pass to that peephole, I mean seriously how could you not look? XD Usually, I would say on to the deeper notes to focus on less of the hottness, but, seeing as that's what this entire chapter consists of, that's where I'll stay. <333 Lovely chapter, glad it's up! :3
The Binary Alchemistbinaryalchemist on August 28th, 2010 06:08 am (UTC)
My apologies. It's Ed's birthday and I kinda wanted it to go off with a ...bang. It won't be so bad next time, I promise.
remaintobreatheremaintobreathe on August 28th, 2010 06:31 am (UTC)
I promise that wasn't a complaint XD
The Binary Alchemistbinaryalchemist on August 28th, 2010 06:50 am (UTC)
::looks relieved:: Thank goodness!! With all the drama coming to a head soon a romp will do the boys good...and Riza, if nothing else, may have discovered "friendship with benefits" isn't such a bad thing---and I've always suspected he's the 'best equipped" soldier in Amestris, bwaahaahaa!
remaintobreatheremaintobreathe on August 28th, 2010 07:15 am (UTC)
Gotta love a friend with benefits, especially if they're well equipped to offer! :3 Hell, with all of the drama that was already going on, I think the romp did me good!!
The Binary Alchemistbinaryalchemist on August 28th, 2010 07:22 am (UTC)
Let's just hope Roy properly disposed of that butter...thank goodness he can afford to get an alchemist to clean that chaise...
evilchuckles on August 28th, 2010 11:20 am (UTC)
*fans face frantically*

Wow...

Wow...

*twitches*

That was...

Wow...

*fidgets significantly*

I think you get what I'm trying to say...Blimey...

Also loved poor Havoc, especially the bit about kittens. And am I perverse for finding his offer to 'help' Hawkeye out kind of sweet and romantic?
The Binary Alchemistbinaryalchemist on August 28th, 2010 01:38 pm (UTC)
Heh heh--glad you found it...stimulating! And I rather think he is being very gentlemanly--just helping a lady in distress!
evilchuckles on August 28th, 2010 01:41 pm (UTC)
Send him over when you have a moment! I am also a....lady in distress.

Thanks to you!
The Binary Alchemistbinaryalchemist on August 28th, 2010 01:49 pm (UTC)
I know I'm getting a scene like that right when I have to turn up the a/c and take a cold shower when it's done...where's Havoc when I need him????
evilchuckles on August 28th, 2010 02:45 pm (UTC)
Ha! You've been hoist on your own petard! T'is poetic justice!
The Binary Alchemistbinaryalchemist on August 28th, 2010 05:53 pm (UTC)
Yeah...Roy and Ed have that effect on me--all the damn time!! I have such fun thinking up games for my OTP!
(Deleted comment)
The Binary Alchemistbinaryalchemist on August 28th, 2010 06:01 pm (UTC)
"I'll be in my bunk"--LMAO!! Jayne puts it SO well, doesn't he??
Part of this was about Roy lovingly teaching Ed not to be afraid of his own desire--to get him to loosen up, to know that he doesn't have to be passive, to revel in his own sensuality--that unlike his previous relationship Roy truly believes that sex is part body, part brain--and that when two people love one another they aren't afraid or inhibited. Roy is strong and confident as a lover--and wants Ed to feel the same way. And Havoc has always been the undiscovered treasure--not that he and Riza have been attracted to each other before--but his approach--and her acceptance--will show her that fantasies are fun--but what she needs is a flesh and blood man who will be good to her.
Im so glad it...tickled your fancy!!
amethyst_koneko: save a horse ride a Mustangamethyst_koneko on August 29th, 2010 03:05 am (UTC)
"I can feel your heartbeat." Edward dancing for his man. *dies of a massive nosebleed* Good God woman, you are seriously trying to kill me! :D Daaaaamn, that was goooood! \o/

*dies laughing* I've never seen a bidet in real life (feels like such a hick for saying that) but at least now I know not to lean over the damned things!! XDDDD Can they really shoot water three feet in the air? wow. *mind boggles at how a cleaning like that would feel!*
The Binary Alchemistbinaryalchemist on August 29th, 2010 05:06 am (UTC)
So glad you enjoyed our little sneak peek through the spyhole at Ed's birthday bash. Gee...and to think he could have played gin rummy with Al all night...

And YES--some types of bidets CAN shoot water really, really high. These are the ones where the water comes up from the bottom like a fountain instead of with a nozzle. That's my one experience with the damned things--and I got a facefull!!