The Binary Alchemist (binaryalchemist) wrote in fm_alchemist,
The Binary Alchemist
binaryalchemist
fm_alchemist

FMA Music Parody: "Mustang May (Or May Not...)"

FULL-MENTAL ALCHEMIST: THE MUSICAL
“MUSTANG MAY(OR MAY NOT)/TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT—MAYBE…”
(With Apologies to Rod Stewart)
WRITTEN BY: The Binary Alchemist
Genre: FMA Filk Music/Humor/Parody/Romance and Bickering
PAIRING: ROY/ED, special guest vocals and mandolin solo by Alphonse Elric
RATING: PG13 for profanity and adult humor
A musical spat in the middle of the night between Fullmetal and The Flame Alchemist, complete with name calling and a smoochy make-up.

I had totally forgotten I'd written this until I was driving in to work and heard Rod Stewart's "Maggie May" and caught myself singing along with this song I recorded two years ago--the original file disappeared when my old website went down.One of those that we couldn't sing at AWA...but still a lot of fun...

 

EDWARD

Wake up, Colonel, I think I got somethin’ to say to you—

I got two tickets for train that takes me back to Risembool

I don’t think I’ve been of use

And I’m sick of your abuse

Oh, Colonel, I couldn’t have tried any more—

You led me away from home—

‘Cause you were after that freakin’ stone

Then ya broke my heart—and that’s what really hurts….

 

ROY

The morning sun when it’s in your face really shows your age—

(but you act a dozen years younger with the way you rant and rage)

 

EDWARD

You hocked my new pocket watch—(“I DID NOT!”)

For three hookers and a fifth of scotch—

 

ROY

Fullmetal, I couldn’t have tried any more—

 

EDWARD

You lead us away from home—

So we could find you that freakin’ Stone—

 

ROY

You stole my soul—and that’s a pain I can do without!

 

EDWARD

All I needed was chance to mend what I had done

But you acted like a mutha, and brother, what a mutha!

You pissed me off!

 

ROY

All you did was rant and rave—

Throw your tantrums and misbehave—

Fullmetal, I couldn’t have tried any more—

 

EDWARD

You led us away from home—

So we could find you that freakin’ Stone—

 

ROY

You stole my heart—

But I love you anyway!

I suppose you could collect your books

And head on back to school

(Or drag your whiny butt back home to Winry

Down in Risembool)

 

EDWARD

Or get yourself promoted a class—

So other jerks can kiss your ass—

Oh, Colonel, I wish I’d never seen your face!

 

ROY

You made a first class mess of my life—

 

EDWARD

Hughes could always hunt you up a wife—

 

ROY

Hell, NO!

You stole my heart—I couldn’t leave you if I tried!

 

(Mandolin solo offstage by Alphonse…)

 

EDWARD

Mustang! I wish—I—never—saw—your—face!

 

ROY

You’ll come on—back—home—one of these—daaays!

(Rod Stewart-type yodel)

 

EDWARD STOMPS OFF, STAGE RIGHT. ROY LOOKS AT HIS WATCH, COUNTS OFF ABOUT TEN SECONDS. SOUND OF LOUD STOMPING.

ROY

(SPOKEN)

Predictable as ever, brat!

 

EDWARD NOW STOMPS RIGHT UP TO ROY, GLARES UP AT HIM.

 

EDWARD

(SPOKEN)

You’re an asshole. I hope you know that.

 

ROY

SMIRKING, TAKES EDWARD INTO HIS ARMS AND BEGINS SLOW DANCING WITH HIM…

Tonight’s the night—

 

EDWARD

---It’s gonna be all right,

‘Cause I love ya, Roy—

 

ROY

--Ain’t nobody gonna—stop us now!

 

BENDS EDWARD BACK INTO A KISS…JUST AS A VOICE COMES FROM OFFSTAGE…

 

ALPHONSE

Anoo? NIIIIISAAAAN?????

 

ROY SWINGS EDWARD BACK UP ON HIS FEET AGAIN…

 

ROY

(SPOKEN WITH GREAT FRUSTRATION)

--Except….HIM!!!!!

 

EDWARD

SCREAMS IN EVEN GREATER FRUSTRATION

DAMN IT!!!!!!

 

CURTAIN

 

 

 




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