deannaj1 (deannaj1) wrote in fm_alchemist,

Fic Post: Drunk Ed

Author: DeannaJ1
Title: More Fun When You're Drunk
Pairing: Roy Ed
Rating: Pg-13
Notes: My brain failed at going past this. I need some help.
Thought I'd post this here too to get some helpful suggestions I originally posted on FF.Net I got over 250 hits and only 4 not so helpful reviews.
It's sort of a PWP only implied porn so far I need some ideas to get part two started. If you made a suggestion I'll credit you.
Warnings: not much Ed's mouth, alcohol use, innocent groping ^^;


 More Fun When You’re Drunk




Ed was quite certain he had what Breda called ‘beer goggles’ on. Especially since the phrase ‘your sexy when I’m drunk’ kept popping into his head as he looked at the man in front of him.

The blonde blinked a few times rather owlishly before responding to the question that had been asked. “I swear to Drunk I’m not God.” He hit his chest a couple of times before managing a half credible salute (left handed). Then he burped, really loudly.

“Fullmetal, I am well aware of the fact that you are not a higher power. However I also believe you just proved that you are quite inebriated.” The older alchemist couldn’t comprehend how the teen had managed to not only drink Havoc under the table, but Breda as well. Breda has to be at least four times Ed’s weight, well sans automail. Roy shook his head at the stray thought.

“I tol’ja I’m not inebri–ine–‘m not drunk.” He swayed a bit as room started to spin.

“No of course not. You’re just pretending so that Lt. Hawkeye will shoot you tomorrow instead of me. A most generous offer Fullmetal. Remind me to bring flowers to your funeral.” Roy smirked as he watched the words slowly penetrate alcohol induced stupor of the younger man’s brain.

“She won’ shoot me ‘m too cute.” Ed said this with a shit eating grin of his own.

“Well next to Hayate you do corner the market on small, defenseless, and adorable don’t you?” The brunette took a precautionary few steps back to avoid a likely metal fist in his face.

“Tha’s righ—WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT HE COULD GET DRUNK ON A THIMBLE-FULL OF WHISKEY!” The teen’s flailing rant pitched him head first into Mustang’s chest. This caused a few loud and obnoxious cat calls. Ed looked up at the older man and blushed.

“Edward is there a reason for you to be holding on to me?” He looked down at the shy seeming elder Elric and wondered just why the thought of kissing him popped into his head.

Ed buried his face against the raven haired Colonel’s chest and mumbled something too softly for either to understand.

“I think it’s time get you home. Yes?” The boy holding onto him nodded without looking up.

The pair left the bar, Roy waving off Hawkeye, so that there was still at least one reasonably sober person left at Fuery’s birthday party.





Getting Ed into a cab turned out to a bad idea. The driver thought that he was some kind of child molester. Ed had agreed, making things worse until Roy just decided to show his watch to the cabbie. Then the blonde had the bright idea that it was his watch and tried the entire way to Roy’s house to get it back from the–as Ed called him–blue-eyed jerk (Ed’s attempts causing Roy to blush more than once).

Once out of the cab Roy walked the teen to front door, before walking back to the cab to pay the driver and request that the man not mention to anyone that younger alchemist had somewhat groped him in back seat. The older man chuckled and nodded, saying that boys that age tended to go after anyone that looked reasonably attractive. Roy stared at him for a moment before stepping away. Turning back to his door, face red from more than just the cold November night.

“Alright let’s get you inside before you water the lawn.”

Ed looked at him and grinned. Roy was sure that was not a good sign.

Taking his keys from his coat pocket the Colonel opened the door. As the drunken blonde started into the house Roy put his arm around his waist.

“Hey ‘m not gunna jus’ le’ ya moles’ me. Ya know.” Ed slurred as he reeled almost into the door jam.

“I’m not molesting you Edward I’m keeping you from giving yourself a concussion.” Roy had tugged the teen so that his head rested in the hollow of his shoulder.

The two slowly made their way far enough into to the front entry that Roy could shut the door. Then maneuvered through hall to the guest bathroom where after a bit of rearranging he had Ed in front of the toilet. Roy started leave but Ed’s right hand was holding his left shirt sleeve so the moderately embarrassed man simply looked at the ceiling while the younger took care of his bladder.

“‘M done.”

“Great let go of my arm, flush, and wash your hands. Preferably in that order.” Roy had turned his head slightly so he could only see the top of the blonde’s antenna.

“Um, ‘kay will do.”

Once the teen finished Roy shoved him out and took care of his own needs, irritated that Riza had insisted that he should stay sober too.

He recalled that Havoc had after a few shots started taunting him by saying that mommy and daddy were fighting again, and the others spouted off drunken giggles–it was really annoying.

Out of the bathroom, he helped up from the floor the somewhat more stable Major into to the den so he could put the boy on the sofa to sleep.





The next mourning Roy awoke to a warmth against his left side that was in more than one respect unusual. The first being that he distinctly remembered that no woman was in his home (not that he brought any home anyway). The second the owner of the loose blonde hair currently tickling his chin shouldn’t even know where his room was let alone be in it. Thirdly said owner would most likely beat him bloody when the by far most unusual thing was discovered by the teen. That being that neither he nor Ed seemed to have a stitch of cloth between them. It was also this last thing which had him desperately racking his brain for anything close to even a slight explanation as why they were both nude in his bed under tangled sheets and more importantly why hadn’t Hawkeye shown up and shot him. Wait, today’s Saturday, that’s why.

Feeling the blonde beginning to stir he located each of their respective limbs to make sure they weren’t in compromising places.

“MMhh, mornin’ Roy.” The raven haired man glanced into sleepy auric orbs as he felt a reassuring rustle of fabric between him and the speaker.

“How did you get in here?”

“Had to go to the bathroom earlier and heard something, so I came in here and you were ‘pologising to somebody in your sleep. Tried waking you but you just pulled me against ya like I was some kind of plush toy. Since I’s still sleepy I wen’ ahead an’ let ya. You’re not mad at me are you?” The last bit was said from behind a curtain of gold to perhaps hide the spectacular blush on the teen’s face.

“No. However if you don’t mind I would like to get up now.” Roy pushed on the blonde’s head to emphasize his point.

“‘M ‘kay.” Ed said as he shifted off the older man’s prone form.

Roy sat up looking from the teen to his chest wondering again just why he wasn’t dead. He shook his head and went to the dresser and took out two t-shirts, a pair of jeans, and a couple of pairs of boxers tossing the spares at Edward. Who stared first at him, then the clothes.

“What are these for?”

“To wear after you take a shower.” Roy grinned at the expression on Ed’s face, “in the guest bathroom Fullmetal.” He pointed out the door of his room gesturing for the youth to go.

“Which is where?” Ed asked holding the clothes in front of him like a shield.

“It’s down the hall and second door to the left from here.” The raven haired man said heading into his own bathroom.





Roy stood under the hot water wondering just why Ed hadn’t tried to beat him to a bloody mess. (That whiskey roughness in his voice would it be like that after sex?)

Roy’s eyes widened at that thought. He hoped to whatever higher power might exist that Ed couldn’t see into his inner thoughts. But then he realized that he probably would have died a most horribly unimaginative death at the age of 27 (or was it 28 that he first thought Ed had a cute ass?). He had hoped then that had been the last time he would ever think that way about the blonde alchemist.

“Maes always did say I’d want what I definitely couldn’t have.” He smirked finishing his shower.

Fully dressed Roy exited his bathroom to find the blonde in question in t-shirt and boxers that hugged his slim frame far too well for Roy’s liking.

“What are you staring at?”

“I was a bit surprised to find you in here that’s all.” Ed looked at him arching an eyebrow.

“Hey do you have any jeans I can borrow?”

“Yeah, hold on I think have some old ones that you can transmute to fit.”

Roy turned toward his closet and pulled out a pair of loose somewhat worse for wear jeans from behind a box. Handing them to the teen, he watched as the blonde transmuted them to fit perfectly, and put them on.

“Havoc really was right.” Roy raised one of his own eyebrows inquiringly. “That gender doesn’t matter if the bait’s attractive enough.”

“So are you calling yourself bait or attractive, Fullmetal?”

“I’m calling myself a cab as soon as I get my boots on, Flame.”

Ed turned pelting out the bedroom door with Roy but a few steps behind. It was a merry chase through the hall, down the stairs, and around the living room couch. The end result was a breathlessly laughing Roy staring down into wide golden eyes, on the couch.

“You–you’re laughing?”

Roy dropped his head down to the blonde’s shoulder in an effort to get himself under control. “Don’t you think it’s funny that two grown men were chasing each other around like a couple of kids?” He lifted his head taking note of his companion’s blush. “Besides you didn’t actually answer my question from before.”

“I’m almost 19 so I’m hardly jail bait anymore.” Roy blinked at that assessment. “I’ve seen you looking at my ass–sets before, so don’t try denying it or permanent damage will happen to yours.”

Roy nodded at that, now aware of just where Ed’s automail hand was. A blush followed on the heels of that awareness as the elder remembered that he hadn’t done up his pants before leaving the bathroom. Most of the blush he was sure was caused by the reaction of his body to the juxtaposition of cool automail to the warm body beneath him.

“First laughing. Now you’re blushing. What the hell?” Ed started to sit up, but Roy’s weight and position prevented him from doing more than putting his automail all unknowingly farther into the elder’s jeans, along Roy’s upper thigh.

Roy again dropped his face to the blonde’s shoulder. “Ed your hand is in my jeans not under them. That’s why I’m blushing.” He lifted himself up a little and saw an answering blush on Ed’s face. As the brunette pulled back to sit up the teen’s hand brushed along the front of his boxers forcing him to stifle a gasp.

The two were now sitting on opposite ends of the couch, looking everywhere but at each other. Roy was sure that wherever Maes was now he was laughing his non-existent ass off. The Great Flame Alchemist, acting like a teenager caught by his first crush. Ed’s behavior on the other hand was perfectly logical as he was in all probability still a virgin. Roy thought it was stupid the way he was acting. Sure he had noticed the way the kid had grown into a handsome young man, but it wasn’t as if he was really attracted men. (That had just been a rumor from his academy days that still persisted.) It made no sense.

Ed looked at the older male, and saw that he hadn’t done up his jeans. The beginnings of a truly predatory smirk grace his face as he thought that Roy was too turned on to be able to do them up. The blonde stood up and then dropped himself on the elder’s lap before the man knew he was standing.

“Wh-what are you doing?”

“Sitting.” Ed leaned forward putting one hand on Roy’s shoulder and the other on the back of the couch. “I’ve probably had a crush on you from the first time I saw you use alchemy.” He dropped his cheek to the elder’s left shoulder as dark eyes widened at that.

“You like me? Is that why you’re doing this now?” Roy was beginning to think now perhaps Ed’s behavior in cab made more sense.

“And you have a hard-on just because my automail was against your boxers. Is it so hard to believe that I could like you?” Ed shifted to look at Roy and rocked his hips forward, smirking now as the man blushed even more. “What do most twelve to fourteen year old boys do when they like someone?”

Roy looked almost confused for a moment before he answered, “pull hair, insult…, and argue with the person they like. Wait but…you…that long?”

Whenever Ed had imagined telling Roy about his feelings for the man only two scenarios had ever come to mind: one) Roy would laugh at him and tease him for months after, or two) Ed would be shy while Roy was his usual smug self, again teasing for months, but with the addition of great sex. He’d never really thought about why he would be shy of the other man (though suspected it might have something to do with Sheska), nor had he ever thought that Mustang would be the shy one. It was almost as if he was the virgin not Ed.

“Yeah, that long. The first time I saw you use alchemy was like what a month maybe after you tossed me my watch?” Ed sat back on Roy’s thighs so the other could think somewhat.

Roy nodded that sounded about right. He felt almost grateful that the teen had shifted back, but also wondered why he suddenly felt cold. Seven years is a long time to have a crush, especially an unrequited one. “Then I suppose that you’d like to do something about you’re feeling? Upstairs, perhaps?” Roy was getting back some of his equilibrium now that his libido wasn’t being actively engaged.

“Wait! Sex…now? I thought maybe make-out some or something–” The elder male placed his fingers against Ed’s lips to prevent the blonde from backpedaling any more.

“As you so eloquently pointed out earlier I have a hard-on and while we needn’t have intercourse yet. Though, I would like to be able get off before this becomes truly painful.”

“Right, before the getting off part there’s making-out and stuff right?”

“Yes there’s making-out and getting naked then more making-out followed by getting off. After which when you feel ready there will then be getting ready to have intercourse.” Ed’s blush at that really was rather endearing. “Before any that can happen however, you will have to stand up, so that we can go upstairs.”

Ed reluctantly stood as requested. Then allowed himself to led through the house back upstairs.




Also if I don't use your suggestion here I would like to be able to use it in another fic that I'm writing called The Bet. It's a PWP where Ed wins a kissing contest and the prize is Roy Mustang personal slave for two weeks. I seem to need ideas for what Ed can do to torture Roy without actually hurting him. I've got a little over half the fourth chapter written now.

Crossposted: everywhere Apologies to F-Lists

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