Don't Call Me Short (opposingangels) wrote in fm_alchemist,
Don't Call Me Short

Fanfiction: Voluntary Contact

Voluntary Contact
Author: sockren
Genre: Angst, Romance, Yaoi.
Series: Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Roy x Ed + Al watching
Summary: He's kissing my brother.
Warnings: Voyeuristic suits of armor. Mild hints towards Elricest. I’ve never tried to write Al before. Be afraid.
Word Count: 5332
Crossposted: sockren, fm_alchemist, fma_yaoi, and elricest.

He's kissing my brother.

I can see him, even in the darkness of the room. He's bent slightly, his palms resting in the sheets as he leans over. My brother's eyes are closed in sleep and he breathes loudly. Ed's mouth hangs open and Roy chuckles softly at the light snore that emerges. For a moment, he looks repentant; staring at the sleeping form, but that's quickly gone as he eases down and places another kiss, less chaste.

I watch it and it fascinates me. I've always thought my brother's lips were soft but, as I watch the colonel's close slowly over them, I notice hard lines in them that weren't there during childhood. The kiss is still soft, though some softness isn’t ever lost. I watch; the colonel's tongue is sliding into niisan's mouth and I can hear wet sounds. My brother’s mouth must be warm to the touch because Roy shivers when he pulls away. He's thinking for a moment and it makes me wonder what else he came here to do.

There's a fiery glance in my direction. He snaps once and waves a hand in the air. He's checking to see if I'm awake and I refuse to take the bait. For a moment, though, I was afraid. A snap from those commanding fingers could mean fire. Still, nothing happens and the colonel smirks slightly. He moves back to the bed, bending and kneeling at the side. He's a tall enough man that it still puts him over the furniture and he seems satisfied with the position.

He's touching my brother.

A hand is sliding under the sheets. It's moving under white cloth, gloved hands sliding slowly over the curve of what must be niisan's hip. Brother’s legs are spread in sleep, kicked disjointedly away from his brother. The hand pauses, stroking a hip absently and the colonel's smirk grows.

He’s got his hands between my brother’s legs.

And, suddenly, niisan isn’t quite so asleep anymore. His breath is coming in hitching gasps, low whimpers leaving his throat, and Roy kisses him again to quiet him. I don’t understand. Doesn’t the Colonel realize that my brother is a man? Doesn’t he know? But, he must know, because he’s doing what my brother does to himself at night when he thinks I’m gone. I can see the motions under the sheet. Roy’s arm rises and then falls again, stroking softly or fisting firmly.

A sleepy moan echoes from the figure on the sheets and Ed tosses his head. Roy smiles fondly, a look I've never seen him give Hawkeye or Hughes, let alone niisan. It's almost loving. It's oh so out-of-character. The stroking continues and I'm watching Roy's hands move under the sheets. I wish I could feel that. I wish I could slide my hands under the cloth and tease my niisan into awareness.

Roy's still touching him and thighs are spreading, creating waves as the fabric shifts with the fast movement. The colonel is chuckling again. There's soft motions and the sounds of cloth against cloth. The gloves must be rough but the colonel is being gentle. He is reverent. Almost worshipful.

Then, golden eyes are snapping open and there’s an indignant yelp that’s trailed off by a low moan. Ed's eyes start to focus as he stretches. His body is taking inventory; gears are turning. He's looking at Colonel Mustang, head against the pillow, and then reaching down to touch the gloved hand stroking his hardness. “Oh... fuck. Roy? Stop, Al‘s-”

Since when has Ed called the colonel, Roy? Since when have they been on such formal terms?

“Asleep. I already checked,” and then Roy's leaning forward and catching those lips again. His tongue is sliding into niisan’s mouth again. His hand is petting between niisan’s legs again. And, niisan’s pulling off the sheet, whimpering about it being too hot and all I can do is watch. The colonel’s hand stills on Ed’s body and laughs quietly. Suddenly, the sheets are being pulled back.

He’s crawling on top of my brother.

The bed is dipping slightly. And niisan is leaning upward. Dark strands a fisted between gloved fingers and I can hear the sound of bearings humming softly in the darkened room. I’ve gotten used to that sound, mostly from nights when niisan can’t sleep, tosses, and turns. This is an entirely different version of that sound. It's a sound of deliberate passion. Maybe it's because I know that metal arm is pressing the colonel's face into a kiss the way I wish I could press mine.

There’s a desperate look in the colonel's eyes. The look of a man who knows what he wants and is reasonable enough to at least accept that he shouldn’t want it. There’s an equally desperate look in niisan's eyes. However, that look is one of someone who wants to touch and feel, not one of someone who is thinking of consequences.

They’re kissing. The colonel’s hands are fiddling anxiously with the ties to the brown belt, growling when he finally has to pull away from the kiss to watch what he’s doing in the near-darkness. The light outside from the moon, or the stars, or maybe a street-lantern is finding it’s way into the room but it only lightens the shadows that play on my brother’s face and makes the colonel seem even more pale.

I think of kittens for a moment as I watch them. Niisan acts like a kitten in this. He paws at the colonel and tugs at buttons and lacings. The uniform is pulled back with an ease that doesn’t speak of anything virginal and I’m confused for a moment. Is this one of the things that niisan just can’t tell me? I know there are some things that he keeps to himself. Like the fact that he touches himself late at night. Like the fact that he carves our last name on trees as we travel.

Niisan is focusing hard for a moment, his eyes squinting in the darkness. The colonel pauses, finished with brother's pants and tugs at the hemline for a moment, sliding them down to reveal the cream of hips. Niisan's chest is bare and he mumbles something about overdressed military personnel that makes Roy smile.

The kisses are back again and this time the moans are more intense. There's something passionate between them. Something in the way Roy bites at Ed's shoulder. Something in the way the niisan gasps and entwines his fingers in the hair at the base of the colonel's neck to urge him closer. It makes me wonder why I never noticed before. Because now, looking at them, each insult has become playful foreplay and each competition nothing more than interactive teasing.

Roy is pulling down brother's pants and I can't see for a moment, but then Roy moves again and pulls the garment from around Ed's ankles. And, niisan is beautiful. He always covers his body, even in the desert, and won't let anyone see him. Nevertheless, niisan is beautiful. The colonel is noticing this too. It's in the way his voice catches and he splays his hand against the pale, scarred chest.

Brother's breath is coming quick and he squirms slightly. Roy is sitting on his lap, shushing him quietly, with one leg on either side of brother's hips. Roy's telling him too much noise might wake me. What would they think if they knew I was watching them? A witness to their passion. They're both moving now, the kisses becoming more desperate. I can see a bit of spit going down brother's chin. Roy's a messy kisser. But, he always cleans up after himself with a gentle swipe of his tongue down the corner of Ed's lips.

Roy's taking off his gloves and Ed's body is taking interest. It must be that trust. The trust as the fabric hits the bedside table and Ed knows that Roy is vulnerable. He may always have a weapon, but Roy needs those damn gloves. Maybe it's that now Ed feels like he's needed for protection. So, Ed looks at him with love, desire and a mixed glance of satisfaction.

I can't turn away.

Brother's reaching out now. An active participant as he removes the shirt from the colonel's shoulders. And, the colonel's body is strong even in the dim lighting. Ed's hands are caressing muscles, nail brushing over a nipple and Roy is gasping. His eyes are dark, not that they aren't always dark. Ed's eyes are lidded and I can see the reason. Roy's hand has found its way between my brother's legs again. Stroking, touching, caressing. Niisan whimpers softly. His skin is warm to the touch. It looks hot and flushed. And, Roy is touching Ed's shoulders.

He is asking to fuck my brother.

The words are vulgar but Ed is thrusting his hips upward. He's lost for a moment, so Roy stops, leaning backwards and smirking. Roy is unbuttoning his pants, stepping away from niisan for a moment. The bed bouncing as the weight changes. Roy’s standing and he’s impressive in the lighting of the room. Ed watches in appreciation. That cloth is sliding down and Edward is watching. Brother licks his lips and tucks naked legs up to his chest. The auto-mail is cold against his skin and he hisses slightly. And, the pants are off and Ed is smirking, "Yeah, there is definitely a reason for the last name of Mustang."

Roy laughs then. And Ed spreads his legs for Roy, letting the older man crawl naked between his thighs. Roy's smirk is firmly in place and he blows against Ed's side, making niisan laugh, as he whispers, "Want to ride the Mustang, then?"

Ed is howling in laughter, choking each chuckle with a fist in his mouth. He isn't nervous. This banter is usual and Roy doesn't look embarrassed at the mockery. He glares fondly, "You started it." Then, he pauses and watches. Ed is shooting him another passionate look. Warmth, maybe, and hot kisses whispered against the hollow of a throat.

"Hurry. I want to fuck before he wakes up," niisan whispers. "I just... he can't know."

"I understand," Roy whispers. "That's the whole irony in this game, right? No one can know."

Ed smiles in acknowledgement and leans up to kiss the colonel. His lips are soft, chaste. There isn't any passion to this one. There's caring and love and a gentleness that I had thought was reserved solely for me.

The kisses are coming faster now. Wet sounds and breathless moans. Ed's laughing and it seems like he's just as loud in bed as he is in regular life. Small laughter, snorts and grunts are followed up by tiny purrs, mewling cries and indignant growls. Ed manages to dominate the pace even as Roy pushes him back. He’s urgent but hesitant. It’s been a long time. And, niisan complains to the colonel for a moment about weeks of him being unable to sneak in dorm rooms late at night.

Brother, how long has this been going on? How many nights?

The colonel is smirking and kissing away complaints and comments. His hands are tracing alchemical patterns on niisan’s chest. He sucks slowly on a nipple and niisan’s back arches as a bite is nibbled onto sensitive flesh. Of course, the colonel has a look of utmost concentration. He's fighting to ignore himself, his own body, and focus solely on niisan.

"You think you're bad, don't you?" Ed says with a kick aimed at Roy's middle. It stops the intensity for a moment, slows the pace, and Roy leans downward and tugs on an earlobe. Ed's moaning. It's coherent still, but starting to slip as the colonel's teeth play with the lobe. Ed’s feet are flat on the sheets, toes curling in the cloth as he stretches out. His thighs press around the colonel’s naked body.

Brother? It hurts. That you couldn't tell me. I would give anything to be human. To touch you like the colonel is touching you. To make you cry out like the colonel does. Yet, I can't be angry with him. Because, I can't help but find his dominance over you, sure and firm, skillful.

There's something about the way niisan‘s eyes are dilating. Even in the darkness, the gold is becoming eclipsed by darkness. Ed’s lips are kissed, firmly and gently. It has left the hint of bruising from rough pressure and redness where skin had been pale and rose-colored. His hair is fuzzy, strands easing out from the braid. The tie was lost but tangles keep it firmly into place, generated from too much tossing on white sheets.

Roy is looking equally disheveled. There's something different about him. I think it's that, as he runs his fingers down Ed's shoulders, he finally feels like he can drop that porcelain wall he hides behind. The colonel has a mask. He puts a firm mask in place whenever he encounters someone. And, it protects him. It keeps him calm and composed and lets him do what his job demands of him. But, here, it comes down. And, he can see niisan squirming on the bed-sheets for every touch.

The colonel can protect niisan here because all niisan is asking for is to be held, touched, and fought with. Though, the occasional smirk and snap helps in defining what makes the colonel himself. Here, Roy doesn't have to worry so much. Because Ed isn't in danger. Ed is right here, under his arms. He is warm, hot, needy, and real.

So, the colonel's smirk holds affection and his eyes aren't cold and dark. They're full of laughter and a sureness that hides behind thick lashes. Roy is a very feminine man if you look behind harsh edges and a commanding attitude. And, now, his breath comes quick and he's trying to ignore how hard his cock is though his body is wanting.

They are rocking together and Ed grunts, his head lolling slightly on the pillows as he sighs, “Yes... slowly.” I can see glimpses of his cock between their legs. It is sliding against Roy’s, aided by liquid, and Roy’s closing his eyes tight to hold back against the pleasure. Ed isn’t quite so restrained. He’s gasping, pressing harder, and letting out growls of uncontrolled pleasure.

And, Roy’s slowing, forcing niisan’s hips to slow, as he whispers, “No. Slower.”

An over-curious hand reaches the juncture between metal and skin and Roy nudges the edge of metal as his finger traces a screw gently and Ed holds his breath. Niisan’s head is shaking, “Don’t...” For a moment, I’m tempted to get up, come to the rescue, but I can see no violence on Roy’s face. He reaches up to the auto-mail arm and slips his fingers into the junction under the armpit. His hands are tingling against wires and Ed’s legs are stretching. His toes are curling and he drags his human hand to his mouth to cut off a scream.

The colonel is inhaling Ed's hair. Slowly, his mouth breathes against softness. A tangled, golden patch that shudders slightly as he breathes and Ed is gasping. He's twisting and arching his back. Those hands are relentless. They stroke and touch with infinite softness. The hands slide against wires, blue and then red and then silver, following each nerve ending until Ed is writhing in the bed. Brother's face is fighting. It looks angry for a moment before breaking off into gasps and moans. That arm is stretching upwards, giving my access and Ed hasn't ever looked more vulnerable. Just one flick of a tiny lever and he's helpless. But, he lets the colonel touch him like this. Because, the colonel is getting off on this trust.

"Breathe," is whispered slowly and Ed takes the word to heart. He's pulling in breath slowly. His cheeks are flushed and his body sighs. For a moment, he's fiery and angry, completely niisan, and then next moment he's a wanton stranger.

He's lifting my brother's leg.

It goes willingly, pressed apart and then up and there isn't anything I can't see. Brother's body is beautiful. Even the scars accent flesh and make him beautiful. Niisan is blushing as Roy kisses a scar on an ankle and sighs then. And, then, Roy is trailing his fingers down brother's chest. He moves lower and lower and I can see the sweat those digits trail from. I can feel the desperation and the want and the control. It's cutting the air. I wonder, if I needed air, if it would be hard for me to breathe.

Ed hisses again, "Just do it. Why won't you just do it?"

"These things take time," the colonel whispers and he is loving his control of the situation. He's loving the way his nail brushes against the head of niisan's cock and niisan yelps, a gasped out whimper, before the sensitive flesh it rubbed with the pad of the offending finger. They are touching in the dark, stroking and kissing and I can’t stop watching.

I can’t stop watching as niisan rolls over. Roy easily lets him pin him. He’s laughing. There’s no doubt that, even with the auto-mail, Roy couldn’t use his superior side to stop Ed. However, he lets Ed roll and pin him down as Ed lets out a small ‘heh’ of satisfaction. Then, Ed’s kissing. He’s sucking in between the juncture of neck and shoulder and Roy’s moaning. His hands are twinning in golden strands, pushing those lips and teeth closer into his skin. Brother has something different in mind.

“Spread your legs,” he whispers huskily and Roy complies. The man is large, but Edward doesn’t seem to mind. He simply trails a small hand around the length until Roy gasps and squirms, “What are you...? But, then niisan is bending his head.

He’s got his cock in my brother’s mouth.

It’s pulsing in Ed’s mouth, slighting pushing out Ed’s cheeks and Roy fights to keep his body still. It’s screaming for him to thrust to move and the older man shakes. Ed simply smiles and licks at the head, tongue sliding out from between his lips before he moves to suck once more. Roy is gone. The startled look has become one of pleasure and he’s thrusting his hips upward.

Niisan is bending, pushing his hair back with one hand as he laps gently at the sides with every bob downward. He’s holding his hair, keeping it from sliding down into his mouth along with Roy’s body, and he looks beautiful. Roy’s filling him, thrusting and there are those wet sounds. These wet sounds are different from the wet sounds of kissing, though, and they echo softly in the room.

Roy is fisting the sheets in his hands. Pale skin, soft from behind constantly massaged by rough cloth, is grabbing the white fabric and he is moaning. A hand is lifted and it buries into niisan’s hair. And, it’s pushing him down; pushing him down further.

Niisan is going willingly and I can see him relaxing his throat. It is a difficult motion for him, but he does it with a slight splutter. His nose flares as he takes air through it alone, and he must smell Mustang, tasting him. His nose is nudging pale skin, and the fingers of his other hand bury into dark hair before dipping beneath Mustang’s cock to stroke and touch. Mustang is lost then and he’s crying out, whimpering helplessly. Both of them seem helpless; both of them seem in control. Mustang, the pleasure destroying his precious smirk, moaning as he leans up on his elbows. His neck is thrown back and his torso is lifted slightly above the covers. The bottoms of his feet are against the sheets, but his legs are spread. Ed sits between them, hunched slightly as he bends to suck harder. Another gasp is ripped from Mustang. Ed is in control, yet not, too. The warmth in his mouth, the wet pressure and the hand in his hair proclaim ownership. Nevertheless, with the flick of his tongue or the stroke of his hand, control is back in his hands.

It is a paradox.

“Stop,” Roy is saying. His eyes had fluttered closed. The colonel has amazing eyelashes. They lie on his cheeks like spider-webs and flirt against his pale skin. They’re overly feminine for a man of his tastes, but they somehow suit him. I had stopped watching for a moment to think and now I see that-

Ed stops. Roy is leaning forward, brushing his lips over the small trail of spit leftover on the other alchemist’s chin. Does it taste like himself? Does he know? And, Ed’s dropped his hair and his hand is resting in the sheets. Roy touches his jaw and cradles it. He’s gentle for a moment. Maybe they can take a few minutes to be gentle now that no one’s watching.

“I’m going to come inside of you,” Roy states. It isn’t a question and Ed accepts it.

“Hard,” he says. His bargain. The colonel can have him, own him, and take him. But, only if he doesn’t treat him like glass. Because, Ed may have been broken before, but he isn’t like glass. The colonel understands and nods. The next kiss is passionate and I can see the colonel’s tongue slide between my brother’s lips.

For a moment, I want to leave, to sleep. But, I can’t interrupt them. I can’t leave. And, I’m too shocked to do anything but watch. Brother, why couldn’t you tell me? Is it because you don’t want me to think that you’re still human? I know you are brother. The guilt is both of ours.

Niisan turns around and I can see him better now. He’s on all fours, knees spread and palms against the sheets. One hand strokes the sheets flat for a moment and he waits. Niisan is beautiful. Roy, on the other hand, is standing and heading towards our suitcase. It’s full of a couple changes of clothes, textbooks and things that are important to niisan and me. I never questioned the vial of oil Ed had said was for massaging the ache out of his shoulder. But, Roy is taking it, and he knows it’s location with such familiarity. He’s biting off the cap. The sound of it hitting the floor is loud.

Ed’s holding himself upright with grace, shoulders shaking. His cock is hard and he wants to touch it but, the moment he moves to do so, the hand is batted away. “Stop trying to touch my property,” is whispered huskily into the shell of an ear and Ed shivers.

Roy is touching the other alchemists back now. He’s tracing the spine and trailing his fingers down muscle. The same paths he always takes. A private worship of niisan’s body. And, I can’t help but think that they’re gorgeous together. If I were human, I’d touch myself to dreams of them together. I could want them both.

“Then, hurry up and do something with the merchandise before you start to piss me off,” Ed snorts back. He’s rocking backwards and I can see the Roy’s hands are grabbing his ass, kneading the flesh. It must feel good, no matter how rough it seems, because niisan’s legs spread farther and he rubs back hard against those hands.

“Act like you want it a little more, would you, Fullmetal?” is snorted sarcastically and wanton movements stop.

“Well, I could get up and leave,” Ed growls back playfully.

Roy snorts. He’s coating his fingers with the oil, both of them, and coating himself with it as well. It’s being scooped out of the vial and dribbled slowly down niisan’s backside, sliding down into his body. And, Roy’s fingers are tracing the space under niisan’s cock and moving up to circle that opening. Ed is gasping, whimpering, swearing and cursing.

He’s sliding his fingers into my brother.

And, Ed is biting his lip. The look on his face is mild discomfort but it fades as Roy changes the angle of his fingers and slides them up further. Ed isn’t uncomfortable now. He’s just fine. Niisan is rocking himself back on those fingers and his body is shuddering in a collapse of golden tan-lines and scarred skin. There isn’t any love or fondness on Roy’s face anymore. It’s been overridden by primal instinct as he scissors his fingers inside of niisan’s body, watching that back arch and hearing those gasps and moans.

He’s mounting my brother.

The colonel lines up his body and nudges his hips forward slowly. The first push and he’s got the largest part through that rebellious ring of muscle. Ed is groaning, his hands unable to support himself as he slumps onto his forearms. It gives me more to see of Colonel Roy Mustang and I stare as he continues thrusting his cock into the warm shell of my brother’s body.

Edward is panting, gasping breaths coming from him. Roy rubs the small of his back. “Relax,” is whispered against his skin and the hagane no follows those instructions. His body stills and he waits. Roy is spearing him, owning him, taking him and suddenly he doesn’t have to hold up the world anymore. Roy’s got it.

He’s inside of my brother.

There isn’t a place where Roy ends and Ed begins anymore. Because, the colonel is in niisan and niisan’s eyes have stopped watering. And, niisan’s metal arm is ripping the sheets and the colonel’s grip on niisan’s hips can’t feel good. They breathe in and out. It’s bliss. Roy can feel that tightness, that warmth and Ed can feel that fullness, that heat. Then, they’re moving.

He’s fucking my brother.

And, Ed’s eyes are furious as he snarls. The rocking is too slow, too gentle. It’s going to take too long for him to scream and fall over the edge. So, he kicks a leg out at Roy and hears the hissing intake of breath from behind him. Niisan isn’t one for patience as he growls, “Fuck me or get out. It’s been weeks. I don’t need to be made love to; I need-”

Ah, there it is. Roy’s hand is slipping over Ed’s cock and suddenly those complaints are gone and he’s not sure whether to thrust forward or back. Both ways are equally appealing but he settles on back. But, each back thrust forces Roy’s hand to squeeze on him. So, he screaming by the end.

And, Roy’s trying to say something. Something full of worshipping self-satisfaction but the comment and smirk are stolen by incoherent babbling. There’s a sheen of sweat on both of them. It’s dripping down Roy’s nose and curling in the small of Ed’s back. There’s motion, harsh and jarring. Ed’s hair has finally come loose and it lies on his back. Strands of gold are sticking to his shoulders from sweat.

The colonel is thrusting harder now. His impeccable control is shattering and he’s going hard. My brother is gasping, tugging a fist into his mouth. He has to be quiet. I’m “sleeping.” Then, Niisan is being pulled backward and he’s being lifted up so that gravity forces himself on Roy’s cock each time and I can’t help it. I gasp. I let out a surprised groan as I see him like that. He’s exposed, speared on Roy’s cock, and he looks furiously angry yet hopelessly wanting. His cheeks are reddened and his eyes are dazed.

They freeze. They stop their motions, but I can see them heaving. Both of them are still needy, the anxiety making it better not worse, and I can see brother’s skin squeezing around Roy, making him groan. I can see Roy’s hand shake on niisan’s cock; making his eyes flutter closed and then open again.

“Al?” Ed’s voice asked. The anxiety in it makes nod my head. There is the sound of moving metal as I stand. It would be unfair to not confirm it and he looks embarrassed. There isn’t anyway, even without the uniform, that I don’t know that he’s sitting, connected to Colonel Mustang.

“It’s alright,” I say. “Don’t stop. I want to see how it ends.”

Ed looks surprised, confused and guilty for a moment. Then, Roy is kissing him, whispering into the side of his ear as he nibbles on the arch of it. He’s stroking nibbles, touching skin and Roy’s looking at me with a sadness and an understanding in his eyes that surprises me. “Tell me what you’d do to him,” Roy whispers to me. It’s surprising. This total acceptance, but I welcome it.

I can see it in my mind. My human body. Touching. Taking Roy’s place. Nudging him aside to kiss and stroke and drag those sounds from niisan. I want to. I want to do that. I can see niisan’s confusion moving to understanding. He’s groaning as Roy pinches a nipple and sighing into the embrace. He loosens and Roy rocks within him.

“Touch him. Move into him. Make him make those sounds,” I whisper, sounding altogether too young, but Roy nods. He knows what I mean and slowly eases niisan back onto his hands and knees. Niisan is collapsing onto his forearms again and I step closer to the bed. I bend and don’t feel like I need permission. Niisan is grabbing onto me with one hand, for balance, and the other hand is supporting his weight. The colonel nods in acceptance of my location and begins to move. His body is thrusting against niisan’s, slamming and I hear niisan moan. The sound is long and drawn out. Brother is hugging my arm against him, less for balance now, and more to include me.

I feel guilty. Isn’t this their love? What right have I to intrude? But I can’t help it.

Metal fingers are sliding out of niisan’s mouth, large and moving. The leather glove is being licked and kissed at and I am touching my faceplate carefully against the top of his head. Beautiful. I turn to watch, changing my angle. I can’t help but watch. I can’t help but want to at least experience it through someone else.

He is fucking my brother.

And, my brother is coming. The scream is on his lips. It’s loud and heavy. The leather glove it being bitten into, the sheets torn, and Roy is spreading my brother’s legs. He’s coming closer, sweat on his face. Eyes are closed and lashes fluttering against his face like brushed ink on paper.

He’s coming inside my brother.

Breath is coming in pants from Roy and he’s slumping on top of niisan. Niisan is messy, his semen covering Roy’s hand and belly. He’s sweaty and tired and doesn’t seem to mind Roy’s weight. Leaning forward, he hugs my arm and places another kiss on it.

“I love you Al,” he whispers and I hear the whisper that comes with it. But, I’m not in love with you. Roy is sad, but he understands. He knows what it’s like to feel so inhuman that any human contact is desperately grabbed at. He knows it hurts. And he knows that sometimes memories of one night can ease hundreds.

They’re both sated and I wish with all my heart that I could crawl in bed with them, human, and kiss them like kittens. I wish I could touch them, hug them, love them, be with them. Because, I can see that I love them both. But, there are no illusions of me being in love with them.

I’m just longing for a moment of human contact.

And Niisan is beautiful.
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