Rating: G or Pg for swearing
Author's Note: Well a little about this one. My friend had given me an idea to write a fic that is a parody of Beauty and the Beast. So This is my version of Beauty and the Beast featuring people from Fma. I assure you no one acts like themselves in this fic. Well maybe Edward... and a couple others. I do hope you all enjoy my version of Beauty and the Beast Fma style.
link to chapter 1
“Damn it Old Man!!!” Edward yelled as he slammed open his front door to see his whole bottom half of his house filled with smoke.
“Cough… Edward? Is that you? Cough…” Hohenheim managed to say as he continued coughing.
“Of course it’s me! Who else would it be? Look it’s another damn transmutation that could have blown the house up!!” Ed yelled as he clapped his hands together. He used his alchemy skills to transmute a fan that blew all of the smoke out of the house. Edward looked at Hohenheim who was laying on the ground with his hands covering his head. He looked up at Edward who was standing with his arms crossed and looking angry.
“Ah… Edward. How was your visit into town?” Hohenheim said with a smile trying to change the subject.
“Well, old man I got another book. That’s none of your business anyway.” Ed said showing Hohenheim the book.
“Ah, Edward… why can’t you call me papa… or father… or daddy?” Hohenheim said as he stood up and brushed himself off.
“What? You’re not serious are you? I mean after what you did? You expect me to call you DADDY?!” Edward yelled as he threw his book at Hohenheim’s head.
“Well, you could at least stop calling me old man… It hurts me, so did that book…”
“Uggh… fine… I will call you Ho Ho papa maybe.”
“Ho Ho papa? Well…”
“Don’t make me throw something else at you…” Edward mumbled.
Hohenheim picked up a stack of books, and research papers and stuffed what he could into his brown bag and headed towards the door.
“Well, I am leaving today for the Alchemists convention. I also am still on the search for your brother Al.” Hohenheim said as he walked out of the front door.
“Well… good luck I guess….” Edward said with a little wave.
Hohenheim got upon his horse and rode off into the forest. Ed hopefully would be able to get at least one day’s rest without his dumb father trying to blow something up.
“Hmm… this doesn’t look right….” Hohenheim mumbled as he looked at his map confused.
“I think we should go that way.” Hohenheim said as he pointed down a dark deserted road. The horse looked at the other path that was brighter and had life in it. He started turning towards the safer looking road, but Hohenheim stopped him and made him go down the dark scary road.
“Where did you take me now horse? This isn’t right!” Hohenheim said.
Suddenly a group of chimeras appeared startling the horse. The chimeras were half lion and half alligator. They started going after the horse’s legs. The horse quickly reared up on its hind legs and threw Hohenheim to the ground and ran off. Hohenheim was still in danger of being attacked by the chimeras so he did some alchemy and set a trap for the group that was heading toward him. Hopefully the trap will give him some time to find safety.
Hohenheim came upon a large steel gate. Behind that gate there was a huge castle, which was covered in thorns, and many stone gargoyles. Hohenheim entered the large steel gates and walked up right to the huge wooden doors. He opened the doors and poked his head inside to see if anyone was around.
“Hello? Is any one there?” Hohenheim walked in the castle and looked around. It was really dark and the place was huge. He walked a little bit more down the hall way to see if he could find the owner.
“Look he needs a place to stay…”
“No, you know what the Master will do.”
“But I want to show him pictures of my daughter…”
“… No, god I really need a cigarette…. Now be quiet”
“Hello? Is some one there?” Hohenheim said as he grabbed the candle stick that was sitting on top of a table.
“Yes, were here!” announced the clock that was also sitting on the table. The candle stick sighed as the clock said that.
“Who said that?” Hohenheim said looking around.
The candle stick tapped Hohenheim on the shoulder and said
“Ello.” Hohenheim dropped he candle stick and looked at it funny.
“Ow… Hey zat hurt.” The candle stick mumbled with a bad French accent.
“My, well you startled me.” Hohenheim said as he picked the candle stick back up.
“Over here!!! Over here!!!” The clock said excitedly.
“Well now, another talking object…” Hohenheim put the candle stick back down on the table from where he picked it up and began to examine the clock.
“Hiya! Do you want to see pictures of my beloved daughter? Here look-it!!! There’s one where she’s wearing mommy’s hat! Oh! And there’s one with her teddy bear!”
“Shut up…” The candle stick said as he smacked the tiny photos from the clock’s hand.
“Oh my, we haven’t properly introduced our selves! I am Hughes the clock!”
“And I am Havoc ze candle stick…. Hey you wouldn’t happen to have a cigarette on ya?”
“I am surprised you aren’t surprised by us!” Hughes said with a laugh.
“Me? Nah, I’m an alchemist after all.”
“An alchemist, huh?” The two said in unison.
“Yea I- Ah ah-choo!!!”
“Aww, Havoc he needs a place to stay plus I think he is sick. Can we keep him?” Hughes said with a smile.
“… Well jut for a couple minutes. If the master sees him were all dead.” Havoc said getting serious. “Wait… we can’t keep him.”
“Yay! Now then follow me.” Hughes said as he jumped off of the table and went walking into another room.
“Here sit here.” Hughes said as he pointed to a large red chair. Hohenheim sat down in the chair and more enchanted objects began attending to him. The coat rack wrapped Hohenheim in a blanket and then a tray with a tea pot and cup appeared.
“Well now… Looks like we have a guest.” The tea pot said as she poured tea in to the waiting cup.
“Here drink this up.” Hohenheim picked up the cup and began drinking. The cup laughed and wiggled a bit in his hands.
“Ha, Ha! Riza his beard tickles!”
“Al?” Hohenheim said puzzled.
“Father? You have found me!!!” Al said excitedly.
“Why are you a tea cup?”
“Oh, well you see… when brother had to attach my soul to something this was the only thing he could find so… that’s how I became a tea cup.”
“Ah, I remember now, and your blood seal? Where is that?”
“Oh it’s on the bottom. So it won’t rub off when I serve tea.” Al said happily.
“But how did you end up here?”
“Well you see when we were cleaning out the house and selling things, I accidentally fell into a box that was sold to these people.”
“Eh… sorry about knocking you into that box…” Hohenheim said as he scratched his head.
“It’s ok. How is brother? I can’t wait to go back and see him!”
“Well H-” The door blew open and the master of the house entered. The force of the door made a gust of wind that blew out all of the candles making the room dark.
“Who is sitting in my chair?”
“Eh it’s your chair? I didn’t mean any harm sir.”
“SILENCE! You think you can come into my house, sit in my chair and make your self at home?!” The chimera yelled angrily.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Hohenheim said as he stood up to get a better look at what he was talking to. Hohenheim looked at the tall standing chimera. He was a brownish color and had horns and fangs. Actually he was quite ugly.
“Hmm, a chimera? I have never seen one this big. And you are fully functioning.” Hohenheim said with delight. He was just thinking about all the research he could accomplish with this chimera.
“Wha? You’re not afraid of me?” The chimera said angrily.
“Oh, not at all. I have seen some pretty interesting things in my life bu-”
The chimera snapped his fingers and let out a fury of flames. Hohenheim stood back so he wouldn’t get hit by the flying flames.
“Then I will make you afraid of me!” The Chimera yelled as he grabbed Hohenheim by the neck and left the room.
“Al… that is your father?” Questioned the teapot Riza.
“Uh huh… He’s not a good one don’t you think?” Al replied. All of them nodded in unison.
“Well that ruined my fun… I can’t show him my pictures any more.” Hughes said sadly. He looked over at Havoc and a smile reappeared across his face.
“Oh Havoccccccc!! Look-it here!!”
“Come any closer and I will burn the pictures.” Havoc said as he lifted up one of his candle stick arms.