panic_and_pride (panic_and_pride) wrote in fm_alchemist,

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Story Time!

It's a little late for a Christmas/other Story, but still enjoy it anyway!

Title: Bad Luck AND A Christmas Story
Paring: Ed x Envy
Rating: T or PG -13
Spoilers: NONE
Warnings: Swearing, OOC-NESS and Shonen Ai


Ed woke up with the feeling that something bad was going to happen. He slowly sat up, his golden eyes glaring around the room. But, after 5 minutes of this, and still hadn't seen anything bad, Ed just shrugged and got out of bed. And he was immediately glomped by his stuck-in-a-suit-of-armor younger brother, who was in fact taller then Ed. But, let's not go there right now…

"Good morning Brother!" bellowed Al, the younger brother. He sat of the floor, Ed in his lap…ha ha ha shorty, and gave Ed the biggest bear hug EVER in the history of bear hugs. But before Al could squish Ed to death, Ed somehow managed to wiggle his way out. He took deep breathes, a little flustered and pissed off, but still kind of happy, since his a freak like that.

"Yes, yes, I know. Thanks for that, bro! Ha, I'm a poet and I didn't even realize." Ed said, before turning away and walking into the kitchen part of the military dorm they used. But, not before tripping over the puppy, which had snuck in last night.


Ed had to report to Roy's office that morning. Before Ed got to Roy's office, he ran into a little bad luck. Ed tripped over the puppy again, got bitten by the puppy when he had tried to throw it out the window, then fined for animal abuse, hit over the head with a frying pan by Al, for trying to get rid of the puppy, broke down the door when he tried to open it, fell over onto his ass 12 times walking down the corridor because he had failed to see the 'wet floor' sign until he crashed into it, opened a office door which had Havoc and Hawkeye making out behind it, got accused of having a three-way with Roy and Hughes, ripped his favorite t-shirt and lost his boat to a dog.

So yes, Ed was having a bad day. But, he tried not to let that get to him. So, he put on a big smile before entering Roy's office. The smile was so fake you could even smell the fake-ness from miles away. Yes, I do know that makes no sense. But the smile was fake. Yeah. Anyway, Ed opened the office door, his eye twitching a little bit, and stepped inside. He immediately regretted it, as the desk was on fire.

"Holy SHIT, Roy?!? WHAT the fuck did you do?" shouted Ed, running to transmute some books into a jug of water. He cast a look around the room, and saw Roy still working on the burning desk. "Roy!!" Ed shouted again, amazed that Roy hadn't noticed the burning desk. Did I mention the burning desk?

"Hm? What do you want- HOLY SHIT my desk in on fire!" shouted Roy, before jumping back, tripping over his chair and out the window. Ed was quick to act, running to the window three seconds after Roy had crashed out of it, the burning desk still in flames and forgotten.

"Roy!!" yelled Ed, sticking his head out the window and towards the ground.

"I regret nooooooooothiiiiing," Roy's voice echoed, before the huge splat and everything went silent. Of course Roy didn't die, he's Roy. Without him, who would take Ed to the prom?

"Oh shit! Roy, are you ok?" asked Ed the master of stupid questions. Of course he's not ok!

"Yeah, luckily Havoc broke my fall!" called Roy from bellow, getting off the now dead Havoc. But no one really cared about him anyway.


Six days later, and it was Christmas Eve. Somehow, Al had managed to smuggle a Christmas tree into the dorm, and decorated, before Ed woke the next morning.

Ed woke up to a nice, pine smelling room, flashing lights and decorations and a homemade pie set on his bed side table. Since he usually didn't wake up to those things, he started to scream.

"Brother! Shut up!" yelled Al, covering his metal ears, which you couldn't see. But Ed didn't stop screaming. He just screamed louder. He only stopped when Al picked up the pie and threw it at Ed's face. Since his mouth was open, he got most of the pie in there. Ed shut his mouth, surprised that Al had thrown something at him, chewed and swallowed. Ed then took a deep breath, in, out, in, out, IN, OUT, IN, OUT, IN! Until Ed was hyperventilating. Big word.

"Ed, Ed! Calm down!" panicked Al, trying to figure out a way to get Ed calm. "Calm down right away or I'll tell the Colonel that you love him!"

Amazingly, Ed stopped right away.

Yeah, right.

"If you must know brother, I'm going to be leaving you this Christmas and going to visit Winry, as a plot point filler for Panic. Enjoy your Christmas! I left a ton of books under our Christmas just in case you get bored! Well, see you soon brother!" said Al, already halfway out the door. He turned and walked through the corridor, not hearing Ed jump out of bed, run to the door and shout something at him.

"Wait, where's my breakfast?!?" Ed yelled, "And, by the way, who the heck is Panic?" but with no answer from said younger brother, Ed just shrugged, walked back inside, sat down under the Christmas tree and picked up the first book. He turned to the start and read. Oh, how he read.

Let's leave Ed where he is, for now anyway…



Oh right, it's Christmas, not Halloween…my bad!


And 15 hours later, Ed is just where we left him. Yes, I did say 15 hours…shut up it makes sense! Ed didn't know what time it was, since he ran out of fingers to count on, but he knew he had been reading his stupid books for the entire time. coughNerdcough. His stomach growled loudly, waking Ed up from his evil, evil reading state. He jumped up slightly upon hearing the noise.

I should really get some food! Ed though to himself and true to his word, got up and went to the kitchen part of the dorm. There, he found some fruit in the fridge, sat down and ate it. When he was done eating, he was just about to go back to reading, when he heard a tap, tap, tap sound coming from the window. Thank the lord. Anyway, being the curious little midget he is, he went to go check it out. He stuck his head out, looked up, down, left and right, puzzled for a moment, looked across the sky to see a slowly approaching thunderstorm, squeaked and then pulled his head back in. He stood away from the window shut and locked it, and turned around to some face-to-face with everybody's favourite palm tree, Envy. Now, three guesses to what Ed did, and the first two don’t count.

Well, he screamed for the second time that day. Screamed like the little girl he truly is…but that's not the point. Envy had to cover his ears in a sad attempt of blocking the sound. But, as soon as he moved his hands, he dropped a neatly wrapped present to the ground.

"AHHHHH- Oh, what's this?" Ed asked, stopping his screamed to bend down and pick it up. And for the first time in history, Envy was uncomfortable.

"Umm-erm Well, if you-er must know it's-erm um a present for you…" Envy finished lamely, taking a step back from Ed and blushing! AWW, a blushing Envy! How cute!!! Hearing what Envy said, Ed tore open the present, as he hadn’t gotten many presents as a child and he was extremely greedy. His breath caught in his throat as he saw what it was.

It was a necklace, with the symbol Ed has on the back of his jacket. That one! (1) Grr, the name escapes me….but, hopefully you know the symbol I'm talking about? No? Yes? Anyway, I need to stop interrupting the story!!

Anyway, upon seeing the present, Ed glomped and kissed Envy. This sudden movement and kissing caused Envy to fall other, as Ed furiously tried to pry Envy's mouth open with his tongue. Envy was only freaked out for a bit before shrugging, somehow, rolled Ed off him and kissed him back. Envy opened his own mouth and thrust his tongue into Ed's, sending waves of pleasure down his spine. Ed shivered, enjoying the way their tongues twisted with each other's. But, Ed had to breathe, or his hot and sexy kissing scene could have become a lot hotter and a lot sexier.

Ed pulled out of the kiss, panting slightly.

"Hey Envy?" Ed asked, still pinned to the floor under Envy, of course. Not Roy, if that's what you guys are thinking!


"Merry Christmas!"

"Wow, Ed, that was extremely lame…"

"Shut up, you palm tree!"


"Oh that's it, you are SO dead!"

And that's where we leave out little Edo and palm-tree like friend, on the night before Christmas. Hopefully that can stop fucking trying to kill each other, so they can figure out the meaning of life.

But, they forgot about the wild Pandas…

…Merry Christmas!


(1) = the Flamel cross

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