electronic world for every boy and every girl (tomiko_the_muse) wrote in fm_alchemist,
electronic world for every boy and every girl

7stages: "Delirium"

Title: Delirium
Character(s): Roy/Ed/Al (This time it's Roy/Ed and one sided Ed/Al)
Rating: PG-13 for mentions of sex and rather graphic thinking.
Prompt: Set 2 - 6. the seed of the fire
Word Count: 1020-ish
Summary: It was strange to watch their lips meet, to see such passion within them. Mutual love. Reciprocated.
Author's Notes: This was very fun to write. I always thought it kind of creepy to use the adverb "deliciously" before an adjective, but this deserves it. This is so deliciously messed-up. Thanks to easilyabused, who is always willing to read it over for me. I was compelled to put an Amy Tan reference in there, if you can find it. And finally: I don't care if unlightened isn't a word, because it is now.

Brother had never been happier in his life when he saw the Colonel. He had spent many of his years in that other world being grey and blue, containing no real life. But when he saw the man who he’d claimed made his life a living hell, he became beautiful and bright. It was strange to watch their lips meet, to see such passion within them. Mutual love. Reciprocated.
I looked away; it isn’t proper to watch.


I saw them kiss so many times. They smiled and blushed and...it is strange that passion isn’t a verb, because that is what they are doing. Brother will slip his fingers under the hem of his shirt and Roy (not Mustang and not Colonel) would thread his fingers through his hair, pulling it out of his hair tie. I keep finding broken ties around the house– I will grimace and pick them up, put them in the trash. I wanted to burn them, to transmute them, to make them go away.
How can I explain to Brother that I cry when I make dinner, that everything is made with my tears. I want to scream when I hear the voices that proclaim love and divinity through the wall. I want to peel my skin when I see those stupid notes all around the house, in drawers, on tables, on the windowsill, under the couch cushions. I read them and was enchanted and lulled in, but I was sick. I would have to go to the bathroom and retch into the sink. I didn’t notice that there were tears until I looked in the mirror.


Like a flame, so very much like a flame. They both had the day off, which was dangerous. I would stay away as much as I could, but these things are unavoidable. I’d just walked into the living room, and they were on the floor. Brother was moaning and writhing, like he was possessed. Roy was chuckling, kissing him all over...then he did other things.
So much like a flame...I burned myself on it, but I’ll never learn. I don’t remember the pain of that burn and I don’t remember why I wanted it in the first place. It’s only a fire.
But it’s light and warmth.


Laughter and whispers fill the room like fireflies, flitting in and out of vision. I can hear the words, low as they are. This turns to moans and a creaking bed. Whimpers of a name that seem dim to me. I am pulled to this flame they created, I am an audience for a show that is sure to kill you from the inside out. I listen to the moans and groans, the whimpers and whispers, the love and pain; I wish it would go away I wish it would disappear I wish everything would disappear I wish I had all I wanted, but I don’t.
Is there a measurement for pain? Alchemy didn’t teach that to Brother and me, unless it was equivalent exchange.
I think it must be a million of whatever that measurement is.

He is golden in the morning light that falls through our window and onto him, making him glow like he never did in that other place. He is golden in this moment, not blonde or yellow-haired. I want to hold his light to me but he would look at me with strange eyes, asking why I needed light.
“But of course Brother, I am dark and unlightened!” I would shout.
“Why didn’t you say sooner? Here, take it and you never have to pay me back,” says Brother.
Then his lover intervenes: “Lover dearest, you will lose your light and no longer be beautiful.”
Brother will proceed to take his light back, letting me wither like I should. I don’t deserve light, do I?
I want to ask, but I know he would say, “Of course you do.”
I am half-empty, not half-full, when that moment comes.


His kisses would be poison, flow right to my brain and heart faster than light travels. He, he is the one who can kill me, really deep down. He is the one who holds my place, who mocks me from so high up. He would probably love to tell me so many things to make me want to run away, to leave him here with everything I wanted. I wonder if he even cares that every day I have to see him makes me hurt so much more.
If he even knows.
I even wonder if Brother knows about anything. I wonder if they were plotting to make me hate living.
Then that one day...where he kissed my cheek, from behind me. It was slow and deliberate, unlike the snake bite I’d been expecting.
“Good morning, Alphonse.”
I want to cry and scream for my brother to stop this madness. My head chants various ways to die, all of them less painful than this. To have my skin cut off, to have a thousand cuts, to have a blunt ax taken to my neck. This is the most painful way of them all.


“So how’s my baby brother?”
He is here, right beside me, wrapping his arms around me. He is hugging me, but it’s really torture. He is an iron maiden, closing his pins in on me. I’m watching the blood flow out the drain at the bottom, it’s surreal.
“I’m fine, Brother.” This isn’t my voice and I’m not fine. I’m dying, I know it. I can feel my heart stopping and my brain shutting everything down. Everything manipulates and fades. This is heaven, right? Being able to die in the arms of the one that I love, but he’ll never know that.
There is yelling from the other side. Doesn’t he understand? I’m going away. I am finally free of him and his mind games and his lover. I wanted that warmth so badly, and I didn’t understand, did I?
I’m lost in a sea of delirium and you cannot find me now.

x-posted at fm_alchemist, fma_yaoi, elricest, and 7stages.

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