electronic world for every boy and every girl (tomiko_the_muse) wrote in fm_alchemist,
electronic world for every boy and every girl

Ficlet: Repent

Title: Repent
Pairing: light Ed/Al/Hei
Rating: PG, for themes. I know it's not G.
Warnings: MOVIE SPOILERS, if you couldn't tell by the fact that it has Heiderich.
Disclaimer: FMA is property of Hiromu Arakawa, Bones, Funimation, and Square Enix. So it's not mine.
Notes: Oh wow, I love playing around with Christian imagery. Or in this case, Lutheran imagery. Tee hee.
I remember someone mentioned to me that if you don't point a mistake out, then maybe no one will notice it anyway. Well, I still don't feel entirely comfortable with this, so yeah.

Sleep comes hard for me. I’m weighed down, lead on chest, or as if my old armor is sitting on me. I walked into a church once (Brother will never know, he would give me a strange look then scold me. We’re scientists!) where a man in robes was talking to an enormous group. It wasn’t unlike many of the churches in my world, but I’d never seen any real preaching. He spoke of how we were sinners, trying to become saints.
Brother, is that what we are? Sinners trying to become saints? Have we sinned too much to reach heaven? Have we repented yet?

Sleep came to me that night. I didn’t think I could, almost every night I would toss and turn, stare at the moon, or hide under the covers until the sun came.
I was in a room, all white, so pure like heaven. But then the walls went gray and I felt cold hands- so soft- touch my shoulder. A voice, cold and soft like the hands, spoke into my ear: “You took me away.” The arms wrapped around my neck, holding me in place. It was not with affection that these arms took me. My heart cried– though I didn’t understand the meaning of it.
He spoke again, “You killed me. I died for you.”
Blonde hair, blue eyes; my mind runs wild because I know this man from when I saw his picture...and he was me.
“Why did you do this to me? I wanted to be happy...with Edward...”
I sobbed, I wanted to scream, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” but the words wouldn’t come.
Kisses like ice, to my face. No affection, no love, no caring...he is doing this to torture me.
“I am unimportant– he loved you. I am just a face to him. Why...why do you exist? I’m human too...why doesn’t he love me?”
He cries into my shoulder, the tears feel like a buzz on my skin. I want to yell my repentance until I am hoarse and my throat is bleeding.
Maybe I just want to run away. But I can’t, he holds me still. He kisses my lips– they freeze it seems so cold. I hold him near, so that maybe he can understand my intention. I want to yell, “Please, I didn’t mean to, I didn’t want this ” but I am mute. He pulls me close. I can tell he’s smiling. “You didn’t want to kill me?”
Should I try and repent right now? On my knees, kiss his hand.
“You will never be free. How can you pay for a human life? It will never be enough, not until you die.”
I’m crying now, crying so hard. I want to die, at least I think I do. I just want to...

Brother was shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes, and I didn’t need to look to see that he was scared.
“Al, are you alright?”
My pillowcase is wet.
“Yeah, I think so.”
I’m lying.
“Are you hungry?”
Brother, I want to repent.
“I’ll make some eggs, okay?”
I want to be with you, but I want to die.
“That sounds good.”
I can’t compromise.
You’ll forgive me someday, like he will forgive me.

Cross-posted at fm_alchemist, fma_yaoi, and elricest

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