Fandom: FMA (anime version, in the Balance of Power post-series AU)
Character(s): Ed, Al, Hughes, various OCs
Rating: PG-13 (for language and general rudeness)
Warnings: Implicit end-of-series and movie spoilers.
Challenge: Theme #5 ("I couldn't do that. Could you do that? Why can they do it? Who are those guys?") of the cbs_crackfic Thirty Pop-Culture Prompts Challenge Contest (although this doesn't constitute an official entry, since it goes way over the maximum word-count. I'm just having fun writing my first piece of action/adventure/comedy!)
A/N: This story takes place after the end of the currently-running storyline of c_b_syndrome's Balance of Power plotfic, but requires only that you understand the basic premises of that piece: that episode 25 didn't end as it seemed to and that Ed (his automail camouflaged by a layer of latex), a restored Al and Maes Hughes have been forcibly relocated to the early twenty-first-century American Midwest and are now on the run from their chief antagonist in the company of some friendly locals. I also borrowed some implicit backstory from mikkeneko's ongoing plotfic Temperance (compleatur!), because I'm enjoying it so much. Crossposted from nebroadwe to Höllenbeck (i.e. cbs_crackfic, fm_alchemist, fullservicefma, fma_gen, fma_writers, and fma_fiction).
Dedication: For all the Crackbunnies, of course. This is your fault. And for John, who kept begging for the next installment.
Crawling on his hands and knees through the tunnel, Andy Prentice once more counted up the ways in which tonight sucked dead rhinos through a straw.