Estel Tinuviel (esteltinuviel) wrote in fm_alchemist,
Estel Tinuviel
esteltinuviel
fm_alchemist

drabble songfics

Title: Solitude, Guardian Angel, and Away From Me
Type of Work: fanfiction songfic drabbles
Author: esteltinuviel, beta whatshername209 dedicated to rock_n_rollgirl
Pairing: RizaxRoy (first), EdxAl (last two)
Words: 1,000 or less
Genre: romance/angst
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Spoilers: season one spoilers, season two, basically the whole anime



"Solitude" by Evanescence

How many times have you told me you love her
As many times as I've wanted to tell you the truth
How long have I stood here beside you
I live through you
You looked through me

Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you

How many times have I done this to myself
How long will it take before I see
When will this hole in my heart be mended
Who now is left alone but me

Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true

Everyone leaves me stranded
Forgotten, abandoned, left behind
I can't stay here another night

Your secret admirer
Who could it be

Ooh, Can't you see
All along it was me
How can you be so blind
As to see right through me

And Ooh, Solitude,
Still with me is only you
Ooh, Solitude,
I can't stay away from you

Ooh, Solitude,
Forever me and forever you
Ooh, Solitude,
Only you, only true

XXX


Riza Hawkeye looked at Roy Mustang. The Colonel wore a powder blue dress shirt and khaki pants, a look that was contradictory to his usual military costume. To anyone else, it would be a surprise to see Mustang in anything but that state issued blue outfit. But Riza had seen him many times in ordinary clothes.

And she wished she hadn’t.

“Who is the girl tonight?” she asked from behind her desk. She was shifting through paperwork, most of it Mustang’s that he had forgotten to do. She didn’t know why she made excuses for him and ended up doing his work, but she always did.

“Oh, just some girl I met at the bar last weekend with Hughes.” He straightened his collar, admiring his reflection in a mirror hung on the inside of a storage cabinet. He went out almost every night of the week, whether he had a date or was going for drinks with military friends. Riza took note of all his comings and goings, all the girls he dated. She hoped that she might one day be that lucky.

“I’m sure she’s pretty,” Riza responded, trying to hide the cold tone in her voice. All of Mustang’s girls were pretty young things that he dated for a minute and then traded in the next. It was like the constant search for the newest, best model on the market and he was always looking. For what purpose? Riza only wished she knew.

Mustang was now running a comb through his raven hair. “A real knock-out.”

They were all described like that, formula girls he flirted with and dated for his pleasure, certainly not theirs. Why would anyone purposefully date a man like Mustang who was sure to break a girl’s heart? Riza knew the answer to that question better than anyone.

“Where are you taking her to dinner?” she inquired, as politely as she could manage.

Of course Mustang was oblivious to her tone, or at least he appeared to be. “Brio, it’s the new Italian restaurant. Supposed to be really nice...”

Riza noted that it was beyond “nice.” Brio just happened to be one of the trendiest, and expensive, restaurants in town. She knew that Mustang was either unnaturally drawn to this girl or wanted something for himself.

“...then I thought I’d take her back to my place for some coffee,” he finished.

Coffee. Riza had never been more afraid of “coffee” than that instant. She had never even met this new woman, whom she was sure was a perfectly nice person that didn’t deserve to be used by Mustang, but already she was wary of her. But who was she to talk? Riza wanted the same thing to be true of her.

“That’s nice, Roy,” she replied, not even bothering to try and hide her growing emotions. As if he would notice.

Mustang spun around to face her. “Riza if you want to go on a date with me, just go ahead and say it, dammit!” His gaze was penetrating and omnipotent. Did he want her to admit her feelings? Was he goading her? Did he get a sick pleasure out of her torture? Or was this really what he wanted? The truth. Of course, Mustang had always known. He could see right through her just along with the rest of the world and she knew it.

Riza wanted no more than to go up and kiss him. She didn’t care if he objected or that they were still in his office. She just wanted to finally kiss him so that he would know everything. She wanted to scream at him for not noticing. She wanted to know why he appeared so blind. Why if he had known all along he didn’t do something about it, because she sure as hell wasn’t. She wanted to hit him and then apologize. She wanted to take him in her arms and never let go. But she didn’t do any of these things.

Riza Hawkeye had the amazing ability to hide her true feelings.

“I’d never wanted to date you, sir,” she said curtly, turning back to her paperwork, but not before she had caught a glimpse of the Colonel’s face. It was covered in a mixture of shock and pain. He was disappointed. Hurt.

Riza immediately regretted what she had said, but she wouldn’t let herself take it back. No matter what she felt, how much she wanted to act on her strong feelings, she would not allow herself to do such things. She would run away and stay in solitude, just like always. She wasn’t strong enough to deal with everything that would happen.

A cycle. She had done this before, each time situations presented themselves, each having the same result. A predictable result that everyone foresaw, yet none dared to challenge. It was as if it were a ritual punishment she had to endure. Yet it was one she willingly inflicted upon herself. She did not know how she would ever break the endless cycle.

Mustang nodded. “Right...” he ran his fingers nervously through his hair. He hadn’t really expected the situation to end up like this. “I guess I had better be going.” He turned to walk out, not looking back at his subordinate.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t want to keep her...” her voice trailed off as Mustang shut the door, leaving her alone to finish up his paperwork into the night. He hadn’t even heard her.

“...waiting.” Everything was silent and lonely in her solitude.

Riza Hawkeye laid her head down on her desk and cried.



Author’s Note: This is ELRICEST and this is ARMOR LOVE! if you don’t like this pairing, don’t read it. If you do like this pairing, please read and review, just be nice. Don’t flame me or be really mean. constrictive criticism is welcome and encouraged. I aplologize for any errors. This song was sugested to be me by my younger sister/beta and I thought it fit armor love. This is my first armor love piece, so I hope you like it!

“Guardian Angle” The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

When I see your smile
Tears run down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm stronger I've figured out
How this world turns cold and breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's ok. It's ok. It's ok.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away,
Please tell me you'll stay, stay

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be ok
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

XXX


I held him cradled in my arms, or what looked like arms. I had barely been in my new body when I realized that Brother had done this for me. He had given up his own arm for my soul, and now he was bleeding. All for me.

I had probably always loved Brother, but now I knew that it was true.

I didn’t know pain, I couldn’t feel it, but I could see it. Brother was in a lot of pain. He had bandaged his leg as best he could, but he was still rapidly losing blood. I tried to take care of him as best I could until I ran to Granny’s house so she could fix him. He was so tough, but he cried that night. And he kept apologizing. He said he was sorry dozens of times. That it was his fault all this had happened. I was as much to blame, but he wouldn’t share the guilt.

I couldn’t do anything to help, but now I’ll do everything to help him.

XXX


“I can’t do this anymore, Al,” Ed whispered from his position on the couch.

I turned my metal head around to look at him over the back of the sofa. “What do you mean, brother?” I asked, startled by his statement.

He rolled over on his side. “All of it,” he mumbled into a pillow.

“Is it because of the Stone? Marcoh’s research?” That had caught me off guard. I wasn’t sure I wanted my original body back if it meant other people would have to die for me. Brother had already given up enough to Equivalent Exchange. I wasn’t going to make him lose more just for me.

“That’s part of it,” he replied, his face still buried in the pillow’s fabric.

I stood up and walked over to the sofa, looking down at his form. His body stiffened slightly when I ran my fingers through his golden hair. Even when Brother is depressed, he still looks more beautiful than the sun. He is the sun, to me.

I felt him relax under my touch. He seemed to be enjoying the feeling; maybe it reminds him of me when I was more than just a suit of armor and a soul, when I had a body. I wish I could feel him, too, feel when our hands brush together. Instead, I can only imagine what touch feels like. If I concentrate hard I think I can sometimes feel a bit of his warmth, but I know there’s nothing like that. It’s a fabricated reality that I’ve made, but it helps me cope, in my own small way.

“I’m guilty,” he confessed. “I’ve broken more taboos than is possible, and,” he paused, as if unwilling to continue, “now I’m trying to figure out how to get those human sacrifices.” He turned away from me, shirking my touch.

I gasped. “You’d, you’d do that for me?” My voice shook.

“I thought you knew that Al. There’s only one thing I want in this world. I want it so hard it hurts.”

I knew he was referring to my body. That’s all he ever said. It was his motivation. I was his motivation, but he never stopped to think about himself. Or maybe that was the problem. He always thought about how he would fix me, or how he would deal with the guilt. Ed never wanted to share his problems or the burden. I knew he didn’t want to hurt me, but he ended up hurting me more.

“Then I don’t want my body back,” I said, quietly.

Edward sat up abruptly. “What?!” he demanded.

“If you’re going to use that method, I don’t want a body.”

“THERE ISN’T ANY OTHER WAY, AL!” Ed exploded.

“THEN WE’LL MAKE ONE!” I yelled back.

His fist pounded the defenseless pillow. “Dammit, Al! I’ll do anything for you.” His face softened. I’m sure he felt bad for yelling, I know I did. I hadn’t meant to get mad at Brother, but I wasn’t going to be in the shadows anymore. I wasn’t going to let him suffer because of me. “I’ll do anything.” His eyes were pleading. “Because I love you.”

I looked down at him. Brother had said that before, but he hadn’t meant it like he did now. “Then let me help you,” I told him. “I want to get my body back, I really do, but not at such a high price.”

He was silent.

“I couldn't live with myself if you hurt anymore because of me. I’m always here, let me help.” I sat down on the couch next to Edward and wrapped my large arms around him. “I’m as guilty as you are.”

Ed leaned into my embrace, pressing his skin to my cold metal chest. “So this is what you want, Al?” he asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “We’ll get through this together. I love you.”

He gave a small laugh. “It’s funny how we say those words now that...” His voice trailed off. I could tell he was exhausted and would fall asleep soon.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “But they’ll always mean the same thing.”

Once again I held my brother cradled in my arms.

XXX


I still couldn’t feel when I touched his body but I knew it was cold. All his warmth had been drained. I knew he was gone. But he was never far away.

His blood had stained me once before, giving me this semblance of life. His blood would once again stain me.

At least now he couldn’t feel any pain. He looked peaceful, calm. He didn’t have to think anymore. But I couldn't stand it. It wasn’t fair. Brother had done everything for me and he had gotten nothing in return. Equivalent Exchange had slapped him in the face.

Last time I couldn’t do anything to help, but this time I would everything just for him.

XXX

His guardian angel will always be with him.




Author’s Note: This is ELRICEST! if you don’t like this pairing, don’t read it. If you do like this pairing, please read and review, just be nice. Don’t flame me or be really mean. constrictive criticism is welcome and encouraged. I aplologize for any errors and the fact that this is such steryotypcial elricest angst. I’m just going with the song, and this is what I came up with. I still hope you can enjoy it!

"Away From Me" by Evanescence

I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll
I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds
But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to
Lost all faith in the things I have achieved
And I

[Chorus:]
I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you
(away from this place I have made)
Won't you take me away from me

Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed
I can't go on like this
I loathe all I've become

[Chorus]

Lost in a dying world I reach for something more
I have grown so weary of this lie I live

I've woken now to find myself
In the shadows of all I have created
I'm longing to be lost in you

I have woken now to find myself
I'm lost in shadows of my own
I'm longing to be lost in you

Away from me.

XXX


I don’t deserve to be alive. Pure and simple. I should be dead for all that I’ve done.

Feeling your lips on mine is bliss and torture all at the same time. I love it when you kiss me, I long to pull you close and to never let go. But yet I want to push you away. To forget anything. But I can’t forget.

I’ve convinced myself that I made you do this, that I made you have these feelings. That’s the only way I can continue living. It justifies my inhuman nature, it gives me a purpose, a reason to call myself “sick.” You never wanted this, only I did. I knew it was too good to be true, at least that’s what I hoped.

That’s the lie I keep telling myself.

XXX


I felt you as you lay curled up against my side. You were warm and sweaty, something I was to blame for, but I didn’t mind. That’s what I wanted, after all. Your arms were wrapped around my waist, holding me down close to you. The lingering smell still tainted the room.

“You don’t blame me, Al, do you?” I asked. You knew I would ask it, I always did at night like this, and I knew what your answer would be. I was predictably insecure, yet neither of us knew how to remedy that. I’m sure society could have thought up a cure, though.

“No, Ed,” he sighed. “I don’t blame you. I love you, remember?” you reminded me.

I ritualistically nodded. “I love you to.” Did I really? Of course I did. That was the problem, that was the cause of all this. I was the problem and I always had been.

“Do you blame me for everything?” I asked again, referring to our whole lives, unpleasant as they were. Everything we’d been through, most of it my fault. All of it because of my taboo. That’s what I call it, because I made you help me. No, that’s not right. I’m sorry. I agreed that we were in this together. It was our burden that we had fixed and would live with. But still, just when I thought things would settled down, this decides to rear it’s ugly head. It was all for nothing, wasn’t it? God does hate me, I’m sure. But that’s okay, ‘cause I hate him, too.

You were silent. Now I felt bad: I had hurt you and I knew it. I hadn’t meant to, but in some twisted way I had. I knew I wanted to free myself from your grasp, your penetrating gaze, to shout “Get away from me!” or “Save yourself from me.” I didn’t hate you for this, I hated me for this.

“What if I said I didn’t love you anymore?” Hypothetically, though.

You stroked my hair. I wished you’d stop but still continue. I liked it when you would run your fingers through my hair. “Then I’d be really sad and would probably cry. But I’d find a way to understand...” your voice trailed off. You didn’t want to have to think about that. I didn’t really want to think about it, but I did. Your hand had now wound its way around my neck. I wanted to give in to the feelings, to you.

I hadn’t meant it, honestly. I didn’t meant to say those things. I just couldn’t control what I said. But I could, I just didn’t want to. It’s easier to be mean, I think, especially when you hate yourself as much as I do. Would you kill me, Al? Because I want to die. I don’t have the courage to do it myself, so would you kill me. No, you wouldn’t because at the last minute, even if you did try, I would stop you. I don’t really want to die. if I died I wouldn’t be here with you, and then I wouldn’t be happy.

I’m selfish and I know it. It’s all about me. All the time. Never about you. Never about us. And that’s all we are, you and me, together. That’s all we have and I don’t want to lose that.

So I won’t.

I kissed you. I wanted to kiss all my fears and your away. Maybe I did, because I felt better as if something had changed.

Me.

“I’ll always love you, Al,” I told you. And we believed it. I finally didn’t care. it didn’t matter to me, nothing did but us.

XXX

I’m not going to lie to myself anymore.
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