Thi is just a fun piece of not really anything. I hope you like it.
Hello. Let’s skip the formalities and cut right to the chase. So you’re the FullMetal Alchemist. How does it feel to be so famous?
Well, it ought to feel pretty good. I am the FullMetal Alchemist after all. Everyone’s heard of me, especially after I saved Lior and then helped fight Scar at Central.
Don’t you think that’s a bit conceited of you?
Hey, you try saving a whole city or fighting a mass murderer who specifically targets State Alchemists!
So you became a State Alchemist at age twelve. You must be a genius.
Thanks for noticing.
What made you want to take the test?
The grant money is great and the access to all of the libraries makes it easy to conduct research.
What kind of research?
Nothing that concerns you!
Ouch! So lets move on to your personal life. Your mother died when you were young and your father...?
That bastard left us when I was three. Dad, if you’re reading this, I HATE YOU!
A wonderful demonstration of family bonds. You still have your brother right? How do you feel about Alphonse?
Well, he’s all I’ve got left, so I have to protect him. I guess that’s another reason I became a State Alchemist, so I protect Al.
So, you love your brother?
Yeah, of course I love him. He’s my brother!
What kind of love might that be?
Exactly what are you implying?! That’s sick, just sick, you know that! He is my BROTHER!!! Next question!
More about you, Edward. This is a very heated debate among your fans, and we would like you to clarify for us: exactly how tall are you?
WHY YOU---DON’T CALL ME SHORT, SHRIMP, MIDGET, TINY, LITTLE!!!!! I’m around, um, 165 cm, I think.
Touchy subject. For everyone States-side, that’s about five and half feet tall, but you have to subtract hair and shoes so that makes you, five foot one! You really are short!
What kind of interview is this?!!
Why do you wear your hair in a braid?
Hey, I asked you a question!!!
Dammit. Now will you listen to me?!
Boxers or briefs?
Will you shut up about my personal stats?!!!
Ooo, anger management issues. Have you ever thought about counseling?
I don’t have anger management issues, it’s just that annoying reporters and humunculi really piss me off.
Good thing I’m neither! To move on, how’s your love life? You really need to get a wife, so, got anyone in particular?
Well, it depends on which rumors you’ve heard. Some people insist that I’m dating my brother, but as I’ve said earlier, I AM NOT LIKE THAT, SICKOS! Then, I’ve also heard that I’m dating Mustang, which is even more disgusting. I can’t stand to be in the same room with the man! Them there’s the really weird ones about me and my mother. Just in case you’ve forgotten, MY MOTHER IS DEAD!!! What is with the incest obsession?
You failed to mention Winry Rockbell? Are you and she dating?
I’ve known her all my life and we’re really good friends.
But is it romantic?
That’s none of your business.
I’ll take that as a yes.
Above you talked about Colonel Mustang. How do you feel about him?
I hate him.
Hate is a very strong word. Care to rephrase that?
No, I hate him.
Would you support Colonel Mustang if he decided to become the next Fuhrer?
Mustang can do whatever the hell he wants.
What about Scar?
He’s never going to beat me.
But the last time you fought he nearly killed you and he tore up your automail. Speaking of automail, can you elaborate on the subject?
Well, it’s not that bad, but real limbs are definitely better.
I heard you cried when you first got your automail. Is it true?
Hell yeah! You would cry to if you had to have all your nerves surgically reconnected to a piece of metal!
Back to your enemies, tell me about the humunculi.
They’re going down along with all other tasteless transmutations.
Would you say tasteless transmutations are your pet peeve?
Didn’t I already tell you that?
Um, right. Let’s talk about the military. Are you happy with the way things are being run?
Are you trying to get me fired?!! You got anything else to ask me, or are you just going to waste me time some more?
How do you feel....about this ultra cute four year old girl who just is the smartest, prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. Doesn’t she just steal your heart....
Here we go...
Ok, here's alittle challenge. First person to read this and reply telling me who the interviewer is, will be an FMA master and will be made a State Alchemist. Alright, so you really don't get a prize, but I thought it would be fun. Just go with it!