Chex (dragonalchemist) wrote in fm_alchemist,

Fic Randomness, Yo

A couple of friends and I went to late night Adult Fanfiction at SakuraCon Saturday. It sucked, for the most part, so to keep it from being a total loss, we wrote 5-min fic based on the sentence "The avacoades weren't working." We also had to incorporate "Toothpick" "Cookies" and "Trapped"

By 4ti3k4t35 Armstrong shook his head sadly as he gazed at his latest creations. The avocados just weren't working. His cookies were green. They weren't the worst cookies there, though. Roy had somehow managed to light his serving tray on fire and was frantically trying to put it out and Edward's cookies were attempting to crawl off the table. Havoc was chewing nervously on a toothpick and Fuery had a vaguely haunted look on his face, like his life was flashing before his eyes. The State Alchemist cooking contest was an unmitigated failure.

By itsychick
The avacados weren't working. This was a problem. A big problem. Bigger than the cookies on toothpicks fiasco of last year.

Last year, they had discovered that, more than anything else in the world, Ed HATED what he referred to as 'splinter food'. 'Splinter food' was for small people. *He* had long ago moved on to forks.

This year, Fury had said "Guacamole! Everyone loves guacamole!" So they'd carefully emptied the square paper packet of powder into the avacado mush. Riza watched disdainfully as the four men loomed over the bowl of dip. "Don't you think he's figured it out by now? I mean, you do it every year. On Valentine's day. NO ONE is that dense."
Havoc snorted elegantly around his cigarette and tapped the last of the powder into the bowl.

Ed raised an eyebrow when they placed the dip and chips on the table.
"A pre-Valentine's office party?" He said archly.
"I TOLD you he'd... OUCH, Havoc!!!"
Havoc calmly removed his foot from Breda's toe.
"It's traditional" Fury said resolutely. "Since... This year"
Havoc handed the first chip to Ed with a flourish. Five minutes later they were loading his comatose body into the car.

Roy woke up on Valentine's morning smiling beatifically. He would buy nine bunches of roses, he decided, and distribute them indiscriminately among his adoring throng. No, ten, because Fullmetal was so *cute* when he was angry and blushing, and then dinner at that new cafe, and perhaps....
He opened his eyes. Touseled blond hair obstructed his view. Fullmetal was drooling, and smelled faintly.... chemical.
How *did* this keep happening? Ah well, it *was* Valentine's day., and as long as he was here (again), He might as well take advantage of it. It was going to become an annual thing, at this rate....

And, because 4ti3k4t35 has TOTAL ADD, Preggers lust and Schrodinger's Cat.

"Schrodinger's cat is dead!" wailed Al, utterly distraught.

"Schrodinger's cat is NOT dead!" snarled Ed, scribbling furiously on a much-abused scrap of paper.

"Who the hell is Schrodinger?" grumbled Roy, suffling papers sullenly.

"What the hell is a cat?" wondered Black Hayate right before he seriously considered peeing on Roy's boots.

"Porkchops! I demand porkchops!"

Envy winced at the shrill tones cutting through the room.

"And icing!" screeched Lust. "Lemon icing! With chocolate chips! And a muffin! A blueberry muffin! With ba-!" An ungainly squawk signaled blessed silence. Envy sighed in relief and made a mental note to avoid pregnant women at all cost. Also, to send Roy another bottle of chloroform. It sounded like he'd need it.

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