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22 March 2006 @ 12:46 pm
[FanFic] Show Me The Way - Chapter 1  
Hello Everyone.

I'm new to the community so I figured I'd start off by posting a Fan Fic I've been working on. I would appreciate it if you guys would read this chapter and review. If you have any pointers I would be very happy to hear them. Enjoy.

Title: Show Me The Way - Chapter 1
Author: golden_heretic
Genre: Angst, Self-Injury, Non Yaoi/Shonen-ai.
Rating: R for Violence, Language (More)
Pairings: Edward Elric and Roy Mustang
Warnings: This fanfic contains material that may not be suitable for younger readers.(Parts of the story that are in italics are Flashbacks)

Author note: This is my second fan fiction ever, so I hope you guys like it. As I said before it's not a Yaoi or Shonen-ai fic, but it does deal a lot with the emotions of Edward and Roy.


Ed shifted in his bed and opened his eyes, the realization that morning had come hit him like a hammer as the sun rays shined in through a window. He sat up while rubbing his face, moments after squinting his eyes attempting to look around. His eyes focused on the nearby window with open curtains and suddenly he remembered he had forgotten to close them before going to sleep. He sat their for a minute thinking about that night, then dawning on him that he didn’t even realize he had fallen asleep until now.

Al had went out to get Ed some cough medicine, because the doctor strictly stated that Ed had to take the medicine until all the refills were gone. Ed was getting over a cold and Al was determined to make sure his brother would follow the doctors orders. So far so good, Al had went to the pharmacy last night for the last refill, much to Ed’s dismay. Ed had clearly stated time and again that the medicine the doctor gave him had to be poison.

“This stuff taste like …” he stuck out his toung and made a sour face while shaking his head at an attempt to rid his mouth of the foul flavor “ … like crap.” He finished saying a few minutes later. Al just laughed.

He was used to his brothers picky nature and he know better then anyone that Ed hated taking medicine. So he knew for sure that leaving his brother the responsibility of taking the medicine on his own was not a bright idea. If that was the case Ed would never get better.


Ed’s eyes finally adjusted to the light, making the blurriness fade. He turned to look at the bed on the other side of the room. Although Al didn’t sleep like normal people, Ed would always make sure he had a bed to kick back on. It was his own attempt to make Al still feel as close to a human being as possible.

As he noticed the empty bed his eyes shifted to the bathroom to see the door wide open. Ed knew from that moment Al wasn’t in the room with him and he had also came to the conclusion that Al hadn’t even came home last night. This conclusion came from the fact the curtains were still open and that Al’s bed look untouched and neatly made.

It didn’t worry Ed to much, they have just come back from Risembool the previous day, Al would sometimes stay up all night and talk to Winry on the phone, telling her how their train ride was and more if something entertaining had happened. Ed assumed Al made his way to Headquarters and spent the entire night talking to her on the phone seeing as their temporary room didn’t have a phone jack. Although something in the back of his mind nagged at him but he easily brushed it off, while getting dressed.

He walked over to a table where his folded clothes were placed. He grabbed his pants and put them on fastening his belt and then bending over to pick up his boots he then strolling back over to the bed, sitting down and putting them on . He walked into the bathroom and took a look in the mirror.

He pulled out the hair tie and began to undo the braid with his fingers letting the strands of hair fall onto his shoulders. Then picking up the brush from the sink he combed his hair before redoing the braid neatly. After brushing his teeth and washing his face he made his way back to the table and put on his black under shirt then followed his black jacket, fastening it he quickly took his red jacket into his arms and headed out the door.

Throwing his red jacket around his shoulders and sliding his arms in as he walked down the busy street.

* * * * *


Ed reached headquarters shortly, his dorm was only a few blocks away. He walked up the many stairs at the entrance of the building and entered. Heading to the Colonels office when he was stopped by Hughes.

“Ed, just the person I wanted to see” he greeted with his trademark smile while reaching into his pocket. “I thought I’d let you be the first to view the wonder of the world” Hughes continued.

Ed had realized what was coming and tried to slip away but was stopped in his tracks when a strong hand landed on his shoulder and a wallet plastic was shoved in his face.

“Just look at her Ed isn’t she a sight for sore eyes” Everyone was used to this side of Hughes by now so it wasn’t unusual for Ed to just sigh and endure the torture Hughes was going to dish out. “Look at this one, this is from our recent trip to the beach. Oh and this one is from when we went on a picnic and this last one is from when we took Elicia to the pony rides, doesn’t she just look adorable in her sunflower dress and hat.”

Finally finding a pause in Hughes ramblings Ed managed to get out a “Yes that’s wonderful Hughes” and a “She’s getting prettier every time I see her” in an attempt to quiet the older mans ramblings.

From the looks of it Hughes was finished anyways as he folded up the plastic and put it back into his wallet. “So your on your way to see Mustang huh, another mission already?” The two began to walk away from the entrance and towards the Colonel’s office once again.

“The Colonel had called me when I was in Risembool and told me to come see him the moment I got back to Central” Ed stated looking quite annoyed. They stopped just outside the door that lead to Mustangs office. “Well when you see Al tell him hello for me” Hughes said as he continued to walk down the long hallway. Ed thought it was kind of strange, if Al had been at headquarters all night Hughes was sure to see him first thing in the morning. Ed’s thoughts stopped there as he opened the door and walked in.

It was a big room with a bunch of desks neatly placed around the office. A blonde haired women sat at the desk nearest to the door that read Colonel Mustangs Office. She raised her head as she heard the sound of the door shutting behind Ed.

“Hello Mr. Elric, Mustang has been waiting for you, go right in” With that she returned to her paper work.

Ed made his way across the office and to the wooden door with foggy glass for a window. Ed paused for a moment then brought his metal hand to the door frame and knocked, he waited for a short minute and then knocked again. Behind the door he heard a loud growling sound and then a loud stern “Come in”. He opened the door stepping in and closing the door behind him, he looked over a the black haired man sitting behind a huge Victorian looking desk. Ed stood by the door for a few minutes, he was starting to get annoyed by the silence so he moved closer to the Colonels desk.

There was a bunch of papers stacked neatly on top and it appeared that Mustang hadn’t even made a dent in them. Putting his signature on the final paper in front of him he looked up and around the room.

“Did I say you could sit down, Fullmetal?” He said in a stern voice knowing very well that Ed was standing.

Ed looked at him baffled “What do you mean?”

Mustangs eyes focused on Ed and a smirk spread across his face “Oh I apologize I didn’t see you behind my pile of paper work”

As if on cue Ed stomped up to the desk and slammed his hands down, Ed’s metal hand making a louder thud noise then his flesh one. “Who are you calling so small, you need a magnifying glass just to see him?”

Ed’s face was cherry red and Mustang couldn’t help but laugh aloud. “Well if the shoe fits, now can we get down to business, I want to make the duration of this little visit short” another smirk appearing on Mustangs face. Ed tried his best to ignore that comment for he knew it was aimed at him but he was more curious now to why Mustang had called him here.

“As you might have guess” Mustang begin, while motioning for Ed to take a seat on the leather couch. “I called you here to give you a briefing on your next mission, but…” Mustang trailed off a little into thoughts which left Ed wondering what the BUT was all about.

“But what?” he asked letting curiosity get the best of him.

“Things have changed” Mustang said snapping out of whatever daze he had went into.

Quickly changing his tone and losing any smooth calmness he normally retained. “Listen to me Edward, you are not allowed to leave central.” Ed’s face gave away the shock and the lack of understanding he had on the sentence. What had changed so much in the past few days since he and Al had been gone. But without thinking Ed of course always jumps on the defensive.

“Who the hell do you think you are to be telling me where I can and cannot go?” Ed was now standing and he was wondering when he made that transition.

Roy took to his feel as well while laying his palms flat on his desk, leaning forward a bit. “I am your commanding officer and this is an order Fullmetal.” Ed didn’t look pleased by this statement, his mouth was arched in a frown and he was standing with his arms folded across his chest. “Its your choice Fullmetal, either follow the orders I give you or I can have you thrown in the brig, its that simple” Mustang sat back down in his seat.

“What’s going on that your not telling me? I don’t like being kept in the dark Colonel.” Ed said approaching Mustang. As he did so Roy slipped a file into the top drawer of his desk.

“Its nothing you need to worry about Fullmetal, just remain in Central and take another week or two vacation.” Mustang then went back to his paper work, letting the boy stand there thinking about what he had just be told.

“But Colonel …” Ed started but then was cut off

“That’s all Edward.” Mustang motioned for Ed to leave his office. “Roy tell me what’s …” Ed started being ever so bold in using the Colonel’s first name but again Mustang cut him off.

“That’s all Fullmetal, you are dismissed” with that Ed turned around and stormed out of Mustangs office slamming the door behind him causing the fogged glass window to rattle. He stormed by Hawkeye causing a few papers to fly off her desk on his way out.

As Ed stormed down the hall he bumped into Armstrong. “Hello Mr. Elric, how are you today?” Ed just huffed and continues walking, then it dawned on him that he hadn’t seen Al all day and he spun around quickly to look at Armstrong.

“Have you seen Al?”

Armstrong thought for a few minutes “No I haven’t why is he missing?”

Ed looked at the floor, thinking about how long its had been since Al made his so called disappearance. “No I was just looking for him that’s all” Ed said and then made his way to the library.

* * * * *


Walking into the library he looked around a little to see if he spotted Al, when he didn’t turn up he went to the front desk, the librarian there knew the brothers well from their frequent visits. “Hi ma’am, I was wondering if you have seen my brother today?”

“I’m sorry no I haven’t” she replied and started cataloging more books.

“Are you sure?” Ed had been almost certain that he would find Al here.

The lady smiled again “I think I would remember seeing your brother, I’m sorry he hasn’t been in today”

Ed looked at the floor “Ok thank you” he said turning on his heals, heading to the big wooden doors he glanced at the clock above the door way ‘2:30 in the afternoon already, guess I slept in a lot longer then I realized‘ he thought as he opened the big doors and walked out. Ed stood at the top of the stairway looking down on the city streets as the sun shown down on the cars driving by ‘where could Al have gone?’ Ed thought and for the first time today Ed stared to worry about Al’s disappearance.

* * * TBC * * *
 
 
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: This Cowboys Hat - Chris Ledoux
 
 
The Indomitable Sambruisedgarden on March 22nd, 2006 09:30 pm (UTC)
Not bad. I don't usually write fanfic, seeing as my shortest completed fic ever was 94 pages long in Word. >.> ... I have issues with just writing short fics unless someone structures them for me.

If you don't mind a critique, may I? And if you do, just don't read further.

You writing is good, it conveys the image you want to portray very well. I see the sun streaming in through the windows that he had forgotten to close, but I don't feel what he would feel in noticing that. There is no real flow to it. To me, it seems stark, one sentance to the next with a very apparent and blinding period. Each seems to just be a statement followed by another statement.

It takes time, and you have structure and imagery sorted out very well. Emotion comes with a lot of work and a lot of reading. I like it, though. Do continue. For me, when I am writing, I put myself in place of the character. With the window again, is the light crossing his toes? Is there a tree outside the window, causing the sunlight to sway in the light breeze? Did the sun warm his toes, bringing a smile or a memory, before he turns and realises that Al's bed is made and that, if he had been there, there would be no light?

Eh, and so on. I'd really love to see more. ^^ Keep writing.
The Indomitable Sambruisedgarden on March 22nd, 2006 09:30 pm (UTC)
Eh, also, he combed his hair with a brush. Check for consistency issues like that. ^^
Sei: Love Is Blindgolden_heretic on March 23rd, 2006 12:12 am (UTC)
Blood hell, I didn't even realize I did that. "he combed his hair with a brush" Opps.

Thank you so much for reading. I'll try to work on my writing to make it more enjoyable for the readers. Please remember I’m still learning, lol I have a long way to go. I really appreciate the help though. Thank you.
The Indomitable Sambruisedgarden on March 23rd, 2006 12:37 am (UTC)
If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Best I can do when writing is my living. ^^ Although I hate it and avoid it as much as humanly possible, as it is still work. :p
Sei: You Own My Heartgolden_heretic on March 23rd, 2006 04:30 am (UTC)
I do have one question. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU HAVE WRITERS BLOCK? Right now I'm actually on chapter 9 of this story. I just haven't got around to posting it, but I was having some problems with chapter 9. I kinda lost track of how I wanted the story to go and I couldn't think of what to do next.

I feel I might have that problem with chapter 10 as well. What would you suggest?
The Indomitable Sambruisedgarden on March 23rd, 2006 02:57 pm (UTC)
Stop writing for a while. That's the best tip I was ever given and can give. Go watch TV or some anime, read a book or manga. Go sit outside and daydream about the direction the plot's taking and just let your mind wander without thinking about where you WANT it to go.

Go write a drabble, too. Just do something that isn't involved with the same plot. Always helps me.

What I do to get over being stumped is I go talk at my sister. Yes, I said at. The best way for me to figure out what's happeneing next is to go over and see her and just pull out my notebook and pencil and start saying "OK, this will happen and so and so will say and do this, so then..." and she'll pitch me some ideas and thoughts, too.

I know doing such is harder if you don't have siblings or someone right there with you while you write. Find a friend online and just talk at them over IM. They don't even have to know the whole story, just be willing to listen and pitch in some ideas here and there.
Shirelle_xripewithdecay on March 23rd, 2006 06:45 am (UTC)
love it
I don't read much of this stuff, but I like this one.
ozitozit on May 16th, 2006 05:36 pm (UTC)
this is really good, have you wrote anymore of it?
Seigolden_heretic on May 17th, 2006 06:35 pm (UTC)
Yes I have … but in light of a recent computer problem I haven’t been able to post it. I will get to it very soon.

I'm happy to hear you like it. ^^