~*Katie*~ (kyatto) wrote in fm_alchemist,

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[Crack Fic] P.Sherman X Ed


Title: Love From Afar
Author: kyatto
Genre: "Romance", Crack
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: P.Sherman X Edward Elric
Word Count: 944

Note: What boredom and hearing "It's A Small World" on loop for an hour will do to a crackish mind X_x;;


Percy Quagmire Fabio Marlin Joseph Sherman (or P. Sherman for short) stood in the hallway of one of the office buildings at Central, leaning back on one of the walls. He sighed as he listened to the thundering footsteps of all the other soldiers; most of them three times his height. His stubby arms were barely able to clutch onto the paperwork he held and his large thighs made the G-String and corset he was wearing underneath his uniform rather uncomfortable. Poor P. Sherman had to deal with the shame as the other soldiers laughed at him, even though he couldn’t help who he was.

What was wrong with P. Sherman you ask? Well, not only was he secretly a transvestite but he had some major height problems. You wouldn’t call him a midget per say- more like a deformed human tyrannosaurus rex. His head was small and slightly misshapen, his torso was scrunched with stubby little arms, but he had huge thighs and elongated legs. His nickname amongst the troops was “P. Sherman the Tyranny”. Good thing they didn’t know what else he secretly was! Or else they would start calling him “P. Sherman the Tyranny Tranny”!

P. Sherman wasn’t always this way, but due to family issues his view on life was slightly skewed. His father, Richard Sherman was a busy businessman who acted like a real prick, while his mother, Darla Sherman, was very angry and drunk all the time. She took out her alcoholic rages on both her sons- P. Sherman, and his older taller brother, Drake Marcus Scott Paul Michael Sherman (Or D. Sherman for short). D. Sherman was the family star, especially in the father’s eye. Though he suffered some of the tyrannosaurus-ness he made up for it by being at least twice the height of P. He was the top soldier in his ranks even though he wasn’t an alchemist and set a good name for the Shermans. All P. Sherman ever wanted to do was become a respected dentist. But, after D’s success, Richard decided P was destined for military life. In his depression, P went through a whole new lifestyle. A life that consisted of poetry, depressing music, black tight corsets, skimpy underwear, and make-up. Lots and lots of make-up. Of course, he never did this when people were around, and kept it to himself. Though it did cause a problem for him during the temporary time when he was married. His wife, Vanessa, found out and thought him to be a crazy gay and left him.

Life after marriage continued with secrets. It didn’t take him long to realize that he indeed was gay (women no longer seemed all that appealing) and spent his days daydreaming of all those hot military men he could never have, and would never want him. Who could blame them really? Who’d want to screw someone so stubby and small that they could crush easily?

It wasn’t until that day in the halls that he saw…him. A beautiful blonde that was barely a few centimeters taller than he was. His voice was the most angelic thing he had ever heard, and the fact that he walked around with such a larger being made him all the more attractive in P’s eyes. Of course the blonde paid him no attention and continued on his way to what looked like the wing where Mustang’s office was located. In a bit of a daze, P. Sherman immediately dashed off to look up who this amazing person was and squealed to himself with glee when he found out the small blonde boy was the famous FullMetal Alchemist Edward Elric.

For years P. Sherman watched Edward from afar whenever he could, too afraid to approach him for fear of being rejected. He was so excited when his troops (along with D) was sent to watch over the rebuilding of Liore, hope in his heart that Edward would be there too. Disappointment struck him when they arrived and found the only alchemist there was Alex Louis Armstrong the Strongarm Alchemist. For days he was stationed there, he kept waiting, looking out into the distance.

Suddenly, there was a huge beam of light and the ground beneath exploded. Many armored figures crawled out of it and started storming the city. Civilians were evacuated and the military tried their hardest to fight them off. Then, it seemed his prayers had finally been answered when he saw the figure with the familiar red coat dash into the city and start fighting off all of those armors. Edward Elric! At last! P. Sherman watched in awe, as the amazing alchemist seemed to transform the armors into helping him fight off the others and cheered from the sidelines. Again, his hopes were met with disappointment when the name “Alphonse Elric” was shouted and the boy turned around. After a closer look, P. Sherman realized it wasn’t Ed (too many subtle differences) but his younger brother Al. Still not one to give up, P kept looking out into the distance hoping Edward would soon come to the rescue as well. Finally, there was another beam of light and a portal opened, sucking all of the armors into it. He watched as Alphonse Elric cried out and tried to cling onto one of the armors and fell off as they disappeared. The military hustled about and things seemed to settle down once more. Alphonse bid his friends farewell and departed. There was still no sign of Edward Elric.

He continued to wait there, hoping that one day he would find Edward and be able to finally confess his true feelings for him.



kyatto love_so_tiny fm_alchemist
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