Mariah (r_enoah) wrote in fm_alchemist,

Japanese voice actors' cracktastic commentary on the flipside of the DVDs - transcripts.

While playing my FMA DVDs on my laptop, I discovered something I hadn't previously noticed on the TV menu - on the "flip side" (as sorted by WMP, "Chapters" 4, 5, or 6 on different DVDs) there are short little gag commentaries for each episode by the Japanese voice actors, with some video for the upcoming episodes playing and the audio track by the VAs. Most of it is hil-fucking-larious, having absolutely nothing to do with the episodes and more with perverted jokes about the characters.

Headlines: Rose proclaims both Ed and Al to be Winry's boyfriends and wonder "how they do 'it'" with Al's metal body, as well as hinting to Elricest! Ed and Winry claim that Al is actually a girl, and really Edward's little sister! Al retaliates by claiming that he recalls "peeing standing up with Brother"! Mustang takes Al on a date! Bradley watches porn and finds Mustang attractive! Mustang claims Hughes to be female also! The real reason that Scar is after Ed's life is because Ed chased away a stray dog! Winry has equipped Al with switch-activated "midget lamps"! It is revealed that when you tug Edward's braid, it activates a switch which shuts him off!

...And that's all just in the first nine transcripts.

I've transcripted these by typing up the English subtitles on the DVDs EXACTLY AS THEY ARE WRITTEN. I swear to Hughes that I did not make this up - they're the actual conversations by the Japanese VAs. I assure you that they sound a million times better with the real audio. Have fun. XD

...In commentary in the later episodes, there is a loud audio "track" to Ed giving Winry a full-body massage after she finds his years-old love letter hidden away. Fanservice, anyone? There are pairings for everyone in here...

Episode Two - "Body of the Sanctioned"

Winry: Yo! How's it going, Little Metal Alchemist?
Ed: Who you callin' "little"!?
Rose: Um...Ed, Al, who's this person?
Winry: Uh...don't worry about me, I'm just playing a character.
Ed: You're not playing nothing...
Al: Rose, this is Winry.
Rose: Is she Ed's girlfriend?
Ed and Winry: No way!
Rose: Al's girlfriend then? But that must be difficult, I wonder how they do it...
Ed, Al, and Winry: Do what?!
Rose: Next time, Fullmetal Alchemist episode 2...
Ed, Al, and Winry: Hey! Do what?!
Rose: Body of the Sanctioned!
(Note: In Japanese, this is said as "kinki no karada".)
Subtitles at the top: "kinki" = sanctioned. "Kinki" = region of Japan.
Winry: Kinki!? That sounds nice...
Osaka is in the Kinki area, right. They're so relaxed there.
Rose: Uh...
(Note: Video!Ed raises his automail hand dramatically at this point.)
Winry: Ah! W-what is that?!
Ed: -cut off-

Episode Two - "Mother"
Rose: Something really seems nice between Edward-san and Winry-san...
Al: (Note: He sounds a little disgruntled here.) Ah! We're
But I'm a little worried, I don't think there's anything that nice...
Rose: Huh? Why's that?
Al: Winry really loves her automail.
That's why I'm afraid that someday, when my brother becomes taller, she might make his entire body mechanical.
Rose: Wow! If that happens then he'll're brothers now, but...
Because you'll both be...
Al: Rose-san?
Ed: Fullmetal Alchemist episode 3...
Ed and Rose (I think. O.o;): Oh! We're running out of time...
Rose: "Mother"...that sounds like such a solemn title.
(Note: Here the video with Al clutching Ed's bleeding body in the haze is shown among other angsty things.)
But title aside, the episode is hilarious, right?
Al: No, I think the episode is very solemn, too.

Episode Four - "Transmutation of Love"
Ed: Hey! Winry! What're you doing?
Winry: Uh, nothing! This is from your house...see!
I just got some stuff to bring you.
Ed: (Note: He sounds rather ticked off here.) You mean you looted our burned down house?
Winry: Here's a picture of you two when you were little!
Ed: Ah! This brings back memories!
Al: Winry!
Ed: Hey, Al, take a look! A picture of you when you were small.
Al: Wow, I sure have grown! Hey! This is a picture of small armor.
Ed and Winry: Yeah...
(Note: Here the token slapstick music ensues.)
Al: Are you trying to tell me that little by little, over time my armor has gotten bigger!?
Winry: Next time, Fullmetal Alchemist episode 4...
Al: Hey!
Ed: "Transmutation of Love".
Winry: You'll do anything for your beloved!?
Al: Answer me!!

Episode Five - "Dash! Automail!"
Winry: Hey...I watched episode 4. Don't you think we should give Al a more human-like body?
Ed: Oh, you mean like Majhal's dolls?
Winry: Yeah.
Al: Brother, Winry, is that my new body?
Ed: Look! This is it.
Al: (Note: HE SQUEES.) Aww! It's so cute, soft, and has a chest...hey! This is a girl!
Ed: (Note: He sounds calmly perplexed.) Are you saying you're not my little sister?
Al: Brother!?
Ed: Next time, Fullmetal Alchemist...
Winry: Episode 5 - "Dash! Automail!"
Al: (Note: He's sobbing out the words.) Ah...Winry, why didn't you say something sooner?
Winry: Sorry! I thought so too...

Episode Six - "The State Alchemist Qualification Exam"
Mustang: Alphonse Elric-kun.
Al: Ah, Lt. Col. Mustang!
Mustang: You're awfully effeminate somehow, aren't you?
Al: (Note: He whispers this line.) In fact, I've been told by Brother and Winry that I used to be a girl.
Mustang: Then the rumors are true?
All right, this evening at 7 o'clock, I'm making restaurant reservations.
Al: But Colonel -- I mean, Lt. Colonel...
Mustang: It's too soon to be kissing.
My approach is to date someone first.
(Note: Al squees again here.)
Ed: (Note: He's shouting over Mustang, sounding very distant.) Fullmetal Alcheist, Episode 6:
Mustang: This is Roy Mustang.
Ed: Can I reserve my usual place?
Mustang: -- "The State Alchemist Certification Examination".
Yes, tonight at 7.
Now, now, it's nothing like that. It's business, business!

Episode Seven - "Night of the Chimera's Cry"
Bradley: Hmm, he's good, too. Oh! This man takes a fine picture!
And this woman has a nicely proportioned figure.
(Note: Nina footage is on the video right now. This takes my mind to very, very bad kiddie-porn places.)
Mustang: Fuhrer, to decide who becomes State Alchemists, we need to be screening their documents.
Bradley: What are you talking about? Nothing is worse than being ugly.
And besides, I let you slide on your document screening.
Mustang: Eh?! You did?
Bradley: By the way, what type of fellow is Edward-kun's younger brother?
Hughes: Let's see...
(Note: Angsty video is playing here while Mustang and Bradley squabble incoherantly in the background.)
Next time on Fullmeta Alchemist: episode 7.
Mustang: -- How shall I put this? On the whole, he's...
Hughes: "Night of the Chimera's Cry".
Bradley: -- The pudgy type? That's my favorite.
Mustang: Well, if I had to say -- (Note: He's mysteriously cut off...)

Episode Eight - "The Philosopher's Stone"
Al: Lt. Colonel, now that I think about it, I get the feeling that I really am a boy.
Mustang: It's still too soon.
Al: Too soon?
Mustang: Just think about it.
In the original story, we're doing this serious background story on you, while at the same time, we've got this optimistic short story going on.
Do you know how hard it is to think this up!?
Al: (Note: He sounds doubtful. There is more angsty Nina!death video playing. Mustang's talking quickly over Al's voice.)) Well, you could just do it like normal, couldn't you?
Mustang: Besides, now that your doubts about being a girl have come out, we've got to grab onto it and stretch it out somehow!
Once you understand the way grown-ups are like that...
Al: But I remember peeing standing up with Brother--
Mustang: Girls can do that too! Right, Hughes?
Hughes: Next time on Fullmetal Alchemist: Episode 8, "The Philosopher's Stone".
....Wanna see a picture of Elicia-chan?
Al: You haven't called him the Fullmetal Alchemist yet...
Mustang: --Listen when people are talking to you!

Episode Nine - "The Dog of the Military's Silver Watch".
Scar: Script for preview..."Be sure to transmute this channel next time"!?
How can I say that!?
Hayate: -squeals in a way that makes my ears cringe-
Scar: What's the matter? Are you hurt?
Hayate: -squeals some more-
Scar: It's okay. Let me have a look. See? Nothing to be scared of.
Now come here. Come on, that's a good boy. Come on, now.
Ed: (Note: He sighs exasperatedly and yells his lines.) Next time on Fullmetal Alchemist: Episode 9, "The Dog of the Military's Silver Watch."
Hayate: -whimpers really loudly-
Ed: ...Huh? He ran away just now, huh?
Scar: So, you're a State Alchemist after all? You'll pay for that!
Ed: Be sure to transmute this channel next time!

Episode Ten - "The Phantom Thief Psiren".
Winry: And so then....!
Ed: So then...!
Al: What? What? What is it?
Winry: Starting next episode, the lengthy "past" arc is over, and the "Ed is 15 years old, but still the same height as ever" arc begins!
Ed: What the heck is that?
Winry: To commemorate this new development, I've equipped Al with a new function!
When you pull the feather on top of his head, like this, he twinkles!
Al: Yow-ow...! Huh? "Twinkles"?
Ed: (Note: He sounds amazed.) Al's eyes are glowing!
Winry: I turned him into an electrical switch! By the way, when you pull again...
Ed: Oh! They're midget lamps now!
..Hey, don't mention midgets!
Al: Eeugh! Next time on Fullmetal Alchemist, Episode 10 - "The Phantom Thief Psiren"!
Winry: Next time, Ed's braid will turn into a switch, too!

If anyone's interested, I'll type up the commentary for the other DVDs too. It only gets better. >D

Q: Does this need to be friends-locked?

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