Han-chan, the cutest Ham on earth (hangebokhan) wrote in fm_alchemist,
Han-chan, the cutest Ham on earth

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Roy x Ed Omake for Held

Hay! First post! Go me! So, I am the beta for the awsome story Held by Gomp, and part of my duty is to entertain people with relitivly foolish plays on scenes that happen in the story. So without further ado:

Title: Held: Omake
Origonal author: Gomp Beta/ Alter author: Han-chan (ME!)
Paring: Roy x Ed/ Ed x Roy Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: None
Summary: Just a humerous drabble with rampant sexual inuendo and implications of things not so G rated.

 “I smell coffee.”


His pen fell from his fingers. Funny, he didn’t even hear the door open.


His bloodshot eyes turned to me almost hauntingly. I swallowed hard as I shut the door. “Your secretary… I hope you know she’s missing.” If only I could express to you of how much a personal relief it was to see that she wasn’t at her desk, for we had bisness to get done.


Our eyes were connected. He did not say a word as a minute passed, I was beginning to feel rather uncomfortable.


I coughed as I glided across the floor. Once I reached his desk I stopped. “Have you taken a shower?”


As if the world suddenly shifted and reality set in, Roy blinked at me. I smirked, he grunted.


“What do you men by that?” He looked slightly confused and on guard.


It took me a moment to realize he had not caught on. How dense is he? I smirked and then looked Roy up and down… and boy, only if I could tell you how bad Roy was looking. Not, just bad, I mean real bad. Expressed better in the context of ‘utter shit’ bad.


Roy bent over and picked up his fallen pen. As he placed the metal utensil on his desk, he began to speak, understanding tinting his silky voice. “I had expected you back sooner.”


“I came back as soon as I could.”




“And?” Maybe if I played it dumb Roy would let things go on further.


“I want a report.” Yes! Hook, line, and sinker!


“It is urgent, I can give you the report immedatley.”


The room fell silent. I stood still as Roy’s eyes did there scanning, twitching, and his face fell to confusion. The word that came from his mouth was filled with disbelief. “What? “


I had no plans what-so-ever to tell Roy about Wrath. Nope, none. So I forced my face to be stern, forced my eyes to look serious, even though I was highly embarrassed I even thought about that with Wrath, and straightened my stance as straight as a pin. “I returned as quickly as possible Roy, things here are more important. The situation in Ishbal has been settled, but is still rather complex to explain. I think it would be better for me to report in person, especially on my physical condition after that went down. My stamina has probably been reduced because of the train ride. Then again, you would be the best one to test out that theory when you give me a physical”


Again silence filled the room. Roy’s face went blank.


Then laughter consumed the office. Roy grabbed his sides as he bent over laughing so hard I actually thought I saw a tear fall. “That is the biggest load of shit I have ever heard leave your lips! You look so hilarious when you’re serious!”


I rolled my eyes as I pulled up the wooden chair and sat down. “I’m happy I humor you.”


“You’re refreshing to say the least.” Roy picked up his paper cup filled with coffee and took a deep gulp of it. His face turned suddenly serious… talk about being bipolar. “I’m too tired to deal with you.”


“Fine, go have fun with your girl tonight you two-timer.”


Roy looked taken aback. “Two-timer? What?”


Ed, leaning over the desk, replied, “You heard me General Shit, you are a lousy two-timer.”


Roy got a mischievous look in his eyes and smiled, grabbing Ed’s shirt-front he stood up and gave Ed a quick peck on the lips. “What ever gave you the idea we were going out in the first place?”



I hope you enjoyed it!

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