[Author] Mara D (Watarisgirl/Lady Jade)
[Series] Fullmetal Alchemist
[Pairing] No pairing. Roy. Ed. Al. Hijinx.
[Spoilers?] Slight. If any.
[Chatter] Just a little fun. I wanted them to blow Roy up at the end, but that would have taken ten more pages of pure swearing and I would have had to raise the rating. Lazy me ^_^
Breda slumped on Havoc drunkenly, Fuery and Falman all also tried to cram into the phone booth outside of the pub where they were enjoying the military Halloween party.
In full costume they hung over the phone and contemplated what they could do now. (Well, those that found a way to squeeze into the nearly non-existent spaces around Breda.)
Roy Mustang, their normal partner in crime in all situations that required public drinking and military get-togethers, had announced as he did every year that the party was too silly for some of his rank and standing. That had never stopped many an illustrious General in the past, but Roy was adamant. His men showed their appreciation through torment and ribbing, well at least, they had in the past.
For the last few years, there had been the everyday pranks. Egging his house, Tp’ing his yard, super-gluing his car doors shut. But this year? This year they were going the route of psychological torment.
On and off in the course of their gradual inebriation they had taken turns calling Roy’s house and then hanging up. Sometimes breathing into the phone, sometimes just plain letting it ring until someone picked it up and then slamming the receiver down. This was to be their ultimate drunken triumph.
Havoc smiled, pulled out his handkerchief, and then tied it around the mouthpiece of the phone. Flipping his wrist with a flourish worthy of Roy Mustang himself, he snapped, making his audience titter. Then he dialed the number he now knew by heart making silencing gestures in the air.
It was Halloween night. Ed was a young man of science. He knew that this night was no different than any other in spiritual or psychological occurrence. He was also hiding underneath a blanket on Roy’s couch with Al curled up, quaking in his lap.
They were both chained to the radio drama they were listening to. The story had become more and more intriguing by the second, if intriguing had anything to do with bone chilling suspense.
It was when the wet sucking sound of blade sinking into flesh came over the radio that the phone rang.
Al yipped, a short and strangled sound as he leapt from Ed’s lap and tried to find a way to fit under the couch head first. There was only a three inch gap under the piece of furniture in question, so of course he was unsuccessful.
Ed gave him a look, though he himself was shaking. He stood turned down the radio and, chuckling a bit sympathetically about Al, he answered Roy’s phone.
There was nothing but silence.
“Stupid kids.” Ed muttered, slamming the phone back down, shrugged, and then went to sit back down on the couch next to Al who as well as appearing to be sporting the beginnings of a nice bruise on his forehead, was clinging like a starfish.
Ed smiled and turned the audio-drama back up, wrapping his arms around Al who buried himself much closer to Ed, eyes wide.
Yeah. The program was like an aural train wreck, you couldn’t stop listening even though you wanted to.
It was ten minutes later and while someone was being strangled that the phone rang again.
“Fucking /bastard/!” Ed snapped, turning the radio down again and this time staggering under Alphonse’s weight to answer the phone.
This time, there was nothing but the sound of someone breathing on the other end of the line. Considering this had just happened to the woman being strangled in the audio drama, and Al was capable of hearing it, it inspired a fit of terrified door and window locking from a slightly sweaty looking blond.
The younger Elric was strangling a piece of chalk between his fingertips, refusing to let it go even to cling to Ed. When he managed to settle them both back to the couch and turn the drama back up, Alphonse was busy chalking an array on the wall over Ed’s shoulder and nearest the window ‘just in case.’
The fifth time the phone rang, even Ed was becoming seriously creeped out.
By the tenth phone call, Ed was joining Al in turning on all the lights and chalking arrays all over the house. Roy might kill them later, but right now he wasn’t feeling ridiculous. He was terrified.
They were still half heartedly listening to the radio drama as he it wound down to a close, when the phone rang again. Ed and Al both stared at it as if it might come to life and bite them. Ed was reaching for it when there was the sound of the key grating in the lock and the door opening explosively.
Ed and Al both screamed, high pitched and horrified just before they /found/ A way for both of them to hide under the couch. Ed had one hand on an array that activated another hidden under the rug by the door when Roy staggered the rest of the way in under a dozen or so bags of groceries.
He noticed the phone still ringing, the arrays all over his walls and floors. Ed and Al, just two sets of big eyes peering from underneath the couch watching him mentally calculating his electric bill as he blinked again. Calmly, he set the bags down, and then walked over smartly to answer the phone.
There was a moment of silence, in which Roy listened intently, his brows wrinkling slowly further and further before he bellowed into the phone “DO NOT CALL BACK HAVOC…or I will make things /very/ unpleasant for you.”
Roy slammed the phone down and then turned on the two quivering lumps under the couch.
“AND WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOUSE?!”
Cross posted to steelandsparks fma_yaoi jadedsilk