Musashi (dark_musashi) wrote in fm_alchemist,

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Military fic

And here come our favourite military idiots.

Title: Get a life
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Breda, Fury, Farman, Havoc
Pairings: err, not really. The only pairings mentionned are more of jokes.
Spoilers:... none?
Note: more of a silly fic, you don't have to take it seriously... though everyone is pretty much IC.

« Move your damn queen. »
« Not if you don’t get rid of your tower. » Breda pointed at the subject of the discussion, grinning, which made Havoc breath a huge cloud of smoke. Ah, chess.

Fury’s watching. He never feels like being the opponent of anyone, especially when money was bet, like at every party, therefore, he had to be the arbitrator to keep anyone from beating the crap out of someone else because they’d have cheated. Because the biggest challenge wasn’t to cheat without being seen, but to defeat the opponent loyally. In most other games, they tended, although, to cheat whenever they could, just like when they were playing poker.

Havoc stared down at the board, hoping that the pawns would magically get on the following case together. But he had to protect the king first. Ah, the stupid king, just like he couldn’t protect his own person himself ! And ironically, it was the queen’s main job to protect him ! Couldn’t she just shoot away the threatening pawns, like some blonde sniper ?

« I don’t really see how I could win THIS game. But you just wait, I’m gonna find a way.. »
More smoke. Breda softly coughed.
« You’re very skilled, Breda », said the youngest of them, « And half of the time I see you, you’re playing chess, or poker. Don’t you do anything else ? » The eldest leaned back on his chair.
« No, I’m having fun enough with chess. And I support the Taisa’s policy : one thing at a time, as long as it wasn’t work. » Havoc nodded. Actually, all of them but Hawkeye had this opinion. And while Armstrong wasn’t against procrastination, they were all too scared by the pink sparkles and the random shirt dissappearance to invite him to play with them.

Farman was watching the main hall, ready to alert the players if the Fuhrer, or worse, Hawkeye or Armstrong, happened to come by. Or Hughes. Especially since his daughter managed to ride a cycle. He asked : « Don’t you have any activity outside ? »
« I read, I walk in the park, hoping to meet pretty girls who are NOT walking their dogs... » « What’s wrong with dogs ? » Breda shivers.
« Can’t you just SEE ? They’re... eeew. » He didn’t even bother finishing his sentence, he was too frightened to continue. Havoc raised an eyebrow. It was the perfect occasion to make him lose his concentration.
« Dogs are fine, actually. With spice, they have indeed a nice, exotic taste. » A collective glare reminded him this kind of joke was NOT welcome.
« Well, erm, they’re not SO scary ? I mean, what about spiders ? » Breda shook his head.
« Hey, I’m not fond of spider and they are quite ugly, but they’re useful, they eat these pesky flies. I’m pretty much okay with them, as long as they don’t eat their stupid flies on my paperwork. » Paperwork, which was hidden in the trash bin. Havoc sighed. He advanced his tower.
« Check, dude », he managed to say before it was taken by a pawn.
« Gottcha. » And the silence came back.

« And you ? Don’t you do anything outside.. »
« Of course yes », replied Havoc. « Meet girls. Buy girls some flowers. Try to sleep with my girlfriends before this asshole of Mustang steal them. » He hears some laughters, and understand why he’s smoking. And poof goes another cloud of smoke. « Other than girls... I dunno. I really don’t go out that much, I guess... » He shrugged.
Then, Fury spoke : « I’m fishing ! It helps me relax and it gets me a nice lunch ! Or I take care of dogs- Breda whimpered, which made Havoc say ‘ Oh, shaddup’- or stray cats. Young girls often ask me to take care of pets they found. » Havoc watched him, frustrated. He managed to have more of a life than him !
And Farman spoke. « Sport, mostly. I can’t stay long outside without ending up jogging. And girls, but I might be a bit too old already for them... that’s sad. ». They all concluded in a sigh : « We don’t have much of a life, do we ? »

Havoc moved the king forward, Breda did the same with his queen.
« Checkmate, dude. I won again ! »
« You won because you have no life and always play chess », pouted the smoker.
« You can’t really say you have much more of a life either, can you ? » Fury rubbed his chin. « Yes, Breda won and Havoc has lost again. What was the bet again ? » Breda said proudly :
« Havoc's that Winry sleeps with Sheska, against my stuff proving that Fullmetal is Taisa’s bitch. » Havoc yawned.
« It’s, like, the 6th time you’re bringing new stuff about Edward and Roy. Can’t you have more imagination ? » « I swear it’s TRUE ! », claimed Breda.
Farman whimpered : « But... the double hottie action ! The nice lesbian sex !... »,
Havoc said : « Get a life, old man », but was thinking the same.
« Okay, guys, so, here’s the first evidence », the redhead said, getting out some hair and a photo from his pocket, ready to do his best to convince the others that Fullmetal wasn’t so innocent than he looked. Fury just thought that it was better when they used to bet money. At least, they looked like they had a life.

EDIT: format fixed, your eyes can heal safely.

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