Log in

No account? Create an account
06 August 2005 @ 03:15 pm
This is my first fic, so please review!  
Alright, so this is my very first Fullmetal fanfic and I'm a bit nervous to post it. (I'm sure it's no good, but I tried my best!) It's very short, it jumps around a lot, it's full of symbolism, and it's based off of my contemplation of a possible hidden side/desire to the character. Hopefully you'll see it.

It contains no spoilers and it's safe for all ages!

Please give it a chance!

Deceit & Touch

Sharp footsteps echoed throughout the empty hallway as a man made his way toward the exit. His uniform jacket was unbuttoned and hanging loosely at his sides, exposing a clean white shirt that gave away just how lean its wearer truly was. Bare--not gloved--hands were concealed within the depths of pant pockets, and the slightest glimmer of a sliver chain was sometimes visible from one of them. The calmed seriousness that was usually etched onto the man's face was not present, but instead a look of peaceful indifference seemed to have eased over his features. This look was a far cry from his daily composure, but hopefully it would get the desired results.


Roy Mustang had to hand it to them, the Elric brothers sure knew how to put up a front. They would always be throwing off others so that they could continue on their life-threatening journey by themselves; thinking it would be best not to involve anyone else. The truth was that it probably would be better if people left them alone, if only for their own good.

But they don't.

They don't because the Elric brothers have one fatal flaw: they push too hard. They don't let anyone get close. They force others away with every tactic they can come up with, and with all of their might, but that only serves to draw in those who care about them even more.

Because nobody wants to be alone that badly.

The Elric brothers need to learn to push only just so; just enough to keep others an arm's length away but still let them think that they are close enough to touch. It's the only way to keep people unsuspecting and out of the path to your goal. It's purely deceit, and nothing else.

In the military, deceit is one of the many essentials of daily life. Though it's not something you can simply have, but rather something you gain from experience. As stated in the laws of equivalent exchange: in order for something to be gained, something of equal value must be lost.


With a light jolt to the door handle the man was exposed to the sun. Its rays poured over him, casting an obscured double onto the ground.


But what do you lose from gaining the experience of deceit? Your innocence? Your ignorance? Maybe more than plain words can encompass.


Taking a glance at his pocketwatch, the man noted the time. As if it was pulled out of thin air, a cap was placed onto his head; it created a light shadow which served to engulf his eyes, concealing them from passerbyers and giving him a bit of abstract secrecy.

This clashed greatly with his attempted casual look.

Taking in a deep breathe to distract the thoughts that were threatening to override his mind, the man focused on the slight pressure that comes with the act of forcing too much air into your lungs. Once he was satisfied with the results, he let the air out slowly as he began to walk toward his destination. Dark rain clouds appeared from behind, taunting him, threatening to let loose their load onto the fearful occupants below.


Whatever it was that you truly lost, if there was any way to get rid of the experience of deceit and gain back the comfort of touch, Roy would have given up almost anything for it.
Current Mood: nervousnervous
Current Music: Count on Me - Default
Ayumi Koganeshiayumi_hilbert on August 6th, 2005 08:28 pm (UTC)
Not bad at all for a first fic! XD It's throughly detailed, which I love most about fanfics. ^^
ikuyona on August 6th, 2005 11:53 pm (UTC)
Ah, thank you! ^^ I do have a tendency to make many details when I write, so I guess that works out in my favor!
Get Ready.megamialchemist on August 6th, 2005 08:29 pm (UTC)
It's a lot better than my first one :3
ikuyona on August 6th, 2005 11:54 pm (UTC)
Thanks. ^^
createdmemory on August 6th, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC)
I really liked it and I usually don't like general fics. ^^
ikuyona on August 6th, 2005 11:54 pm (UTC)
Well, yay! That counts for something in my book. Thanks! ^^
crimson_pyrocrimson_pyro on August 6th, 2005 10:42 pm (UTC)
It's really good for a first fic and the detail is great too. It gives the story a stronger feeling. XD
ikuyona on August 6th, 2005 11:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you! ^^ I'm glad the story has a strong feeling to it! Yay!
(Deleted comment)
(Anonymous) on August 7th, 2005 01:47 am (UTC)
Re: ^__^ your first one? you jest!
Thank you!! :D

Yes, that was exactly what I was aiming for! *squees* I also tried to have a lot of symbolism, especially the lil speel about the Elric brothers and how well Roy seems to understand (perhaps even relate to *wink*) what they're doing. There's a lot of other symbolic stuff thrown in there, too.

Ah, I'm glad I didn't make him look bad! That would have crushed my writing spirit! I just get this feeling that deep down there's a part of Mustang that's a bit lonely because he distances himself in certain ways for his goal to become furher. I hope that was expressed in this fic.

Boy, your comment made me babble on a lot! Sorry! XP

ikuyona on August 7th, 2005 01:48 am (UTC)
Re: ^__^ your first one? you jest!
Crap, I wasn't logged in. >_
(Deleted comment)
ikuyona on August 13th, 2005 04:55 am (UTC)
Re: ^__^ your first one? you jest!
Babbling is too fun. :D

You're right, and you've got the right idea. Roy just needs a big hug! *hugs*
Bringing Order into your Chaosokami_hu on August 8th, 2005 02:09 pm (UTC)
Misspell: "Its rays poored over him," --> that's 'poured', I believe. You don't need to separate the paragraphs with any marks, the double spacing should be enough.

The fic was neatly written, nothing was amiss in the grammar department. It is descriptive, although maybe a little too descriptive for my liking but that might be only me. Also, I couldn't quite catch the final conclusion. The last sentence hints that the whole pondering is actually a paralell to the Elrics' supposed, and Roy's real behavior. Roy only thinks about all this, because his life is umm, "screwed up". I couldn't get enought Roy in the fic.

If I'm wrong, I'm open to discussions though.
ikuyona on August 13th, 2005 04:52 am (UTC)
Whoops. How did I miss that? Thank you for pointing it out; I'll fix it right away.
Ah, I just felt that if I didn't have marks it would get too confusing. I wanted the separation, but I'm sorry if that was annoying!

I'm also sorry if it was too descriptive for you. It's like I said in an earlier comment, "I do have a tendency to make many details when I write ..." I can't help it; that's just my style, I suppose.
Um, I'm not sure I get what you're saying about the conclusion. Can you explain it to me a little more? Or Differently?