Catherine (blackwine) wrote in fm_alchemist,

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The Three Little Homunculi

As promised, my crack attack:

Title: The Three Little Homunculi: An FMA crack fic rated "E" for everyone...
Author: Me, ten minutes ago
Rating: "E" for everyone that isn't anyone...
Warnings: What some call "spoilers", a mini reference to something naughty...
Homunculi involved: Envy, Lust, and Gluttony (Ed, too...)
Rip-off of: The Three Little Pigs
Author's note: Bite me, I'm tasty! :D

Once upon a time, there were three little Homunculi who decided it was time to move out of the Amestris HQ to live on their own. "Just hope that the Grim Reaper doesn't get you" was all the Homunculi leader said as the three left.

Each little homunculi had their own lifestyles...

Gluttony, being the loveable git he is, decided (more like just went for) to make his building out of fodder.

Lust decided to settle down with a house made of pretty roses that smelt very nice when sprinkled with a little red water.

Envy wanted to make his building out of Edward Elric's hair, but, alas, none was to be found. So, he made his house out of bricks because he didn't want to get rained on...

The three little homunculi lived in peace, except for Lust who had to continually visit Gluttony to see that he had not eaten his house. Then, one day, while Lust was visiting Gluttony, a knock came to the door. Lust answered it. "Hello?" In front of her was a whispy cloak.

"It is your time," said the figure. "Some with me, child."

Lust looked at the thing. "I don't talk to strangers and I sure as HELL am not going anywhere with you." She slammed the fodder door on the reaper. All of a sudden, the fodder house disintergrated.

"You will come with me, child."

Lust looked at the figure with wicked eyes. "Pah. Maybe later." She attacked the figure, but vanished into it's cloak. Gluttony looked at the situation... and decided to go get Lust from her house. (Ah, the gitty ways of Glutters.)

Gluttony entered the house and started looking for Lust. After 30 minutes of searching, Gluttony gave up and started to eat the house. A knock came upon the door. Gluttony stuffed more flowers in his mouth and opened the door, munching away.

"Your time has come. Fall into me, child."

Gluttony did as told... Silly Gluttony! The wraith-like figure drifted over to Envy's brickhouse and knocked. The pineapple haired homunculi opened the door a smidge. "Who are you?"

The figure just looked blank as usual. "Your time has come, child."

"You know what, I don't have time for you." Envy closed the door and went off to do something on his computer... (So that's where all the crack EdxEnvy fics come from...)

The knock came again. Envy went back to the door and looked at the figure. "You suck, you're stupid and I don't like you because you smell. Leave me alone." The wraith stayed put. "So, that's how you want it?" Envy grabbed a brick from his house and flung it at the Grim Reaper. It vanished on contact.

The figure held out a bony hand. "Come, child."

Envy looked at the figure long and hard. "Shrimp! Get out here!"

The clacking of chains came from a random hallway. Soon, a chained up Ed came to the door. "Yes, Envy?" Ed said unenthusiastically.

"It's gate time. Har har."

Ed clasped his hands together and put them on the ground. The figure backed up a bit. A big door appeared in front of him.

Envy snickered. "So long moron!" He opened the door just to find out that the figure was on the other side... and he slipped into non-existance.

The end. :3
Reader: "But wait! What happened to Ed?"
. . . I don't care. >_>

Okay, no more crack from me today. X_x;

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