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19 July 2005 @ 02:55 am
more SHPS  
heh, here's my continuation of SHPS. for the earlier part of it, just click here.




CUT TO

INT. LABORATORY NIGHT

The laboratory is somewhere between a student observation operating
theatre and a Greek gymnasium. It is pink-tiled throughout, facing the
lift entrance is a circular area containing a TANK on pedestals which
though screened at this stage will be revealed to contain the body of
the creature submerged in chemicals, the wall to one side contains a raised
dias area for the GUESTS, and facing one end of the tank, the
operational controls, monitor and a giant refrigerator. A chandelier
hangs above the tank.

On the podium in front of Roy's chambers there is a stand microphone.
Near the podium are some weights. Behind the tank is a vaulting horse.
These are wrapped in sellophane - The creature's presents.

The GUESTS are waiting as the lift arrives.

ROY, now in surgeon's outfit stands in the middle of the room. HUGHES
gets out of the lift first, with a glass of champagne which he hands
to ROY.

ROY
Riza, Martel, go and assist Hughes.

As he speaks her name each one steps forward out of the lift. They
cross to HUGHES behind the tank.

ROY
I will entertain...ah...

ED & WINRY step out of the lift.

ED
I'm Edward Elric and this
is my fiancee, Winry Rockerbell.

WINRY
Rockbell.

ED
Rockbell.

ROY (Taking Winry's hand to kiss)
Encante....How nice. (he circles them)
And what charming underclothes you both have.
(He takes two dust coats from Hughes
and hands them to Ed).
But here, put these on. They'll
make you feel less vulnerable.

RIZA & MARTEL cross to the podium.

ROY (continues)
It's not often we receive visitors here.
Let alone offer them hospitality.

ED (Moving towards Roy)
Hospitality! All we wanted to do was
use your telephone. A reasonable request
which you have chosen to ignore.

WINRY (Hurring after Ed)
Don't be ungrateful, Ed.

ED (Stepping closer to Roy)
Ungrateful!

The room falls silent. All eyes are on ROY, waiting for his reaction.
A smile breaks on his face.

ROY
How forceful you are Ed. Such a
perfect specimen of manhood. So dominant.

RIZA & MARTEL laugh.

You must be awfully proud of him Winry.

WINRY
Well, yes I am.

THE GUESTS oh and ah appreciatively, ED laughs, a little embarassed.

ROY
Do you have any tattoos Ed.

ED
Certainly not! Though do have this automail.

ROY
Oh well. (He turns to Winry) How about you. (He laughs)

HUGHES has approached behind ROY, looming over his shoulder.

HUGHES
Everything is in readiness, Master.
We merely await your word.

ROY drinks his champagne then hands HUGHES the empty glass. HUGHES
goes to the control panel and ROY to the podium

ROY
Tonight...One, one, one. Can you hear
me at the back?
Tonight, my unconventional conventionists.

RIZA, MARTEL and GUESTS laugh politely.

ROY
Tonight you are to witness a breakthrough
in biochemical research.

There is a gasp from MARTEL, RIZA and GUESTS.

ROY
And paradise is to be mine.

GUESTS and everybody applaud. WINRY claps too, but ED indicates that
she shouldn't.

ROY
It was strange the way it happened.
One of those quirks of fate really.
One of those moments when you seem
irredeemably lost: you panic; you're
trapped; your back's against the wall.
There's no way out, and then suddenly,
you get a break. (He cracks the bones
in his hand) All the pieces seem to
fit into place. What a sucker you'r
been. What a fool. The answer was there
all the time. It took a small accident
to make it happen. An accident!

RIZA & MARTEL step forward one each side of him.

RIZA & MARTEL (softly)
An accident.

ROY
That's how I discovered the secret.
That elusive ingredient, that spark
that is the breath of life.

GUESTS applaud.

ROY (Moving to tank)
You see, Ed and Winry, you are fortunate.
For tonight is the night that my beautiful
creature is destined to be born.

Everybody applauds. ROY then pulls the cover from the tank. HUGHES is
at the control panel.

INT. LABORATORY NIGHT

The tank is revealed. There is something inside it is immersed in clear
fluid. The GUESTS are astonished.

ROY
Throw open the switches on the sonic
oscillator.

HUGHES flicks the switch to activate the oscilloscopes in the panel.

ROY
And step up the reactor power input
three more points.

HUGHES presses a button three times then begins to unwind a wheel.

ROY watches excitedly from behind the tank as the chandelier is
lowered. It spurts different coloured liquids into the tank.

The liquids bubble and change colour. The thing inside begins to look
like a human form.

WINRY
Ed...

ED
It's alright, Winry.

The liquids drain away. The form begins to move.

ROY climbs the ladder at one end of the tank, HUGHES the other.

SCAR HORROR sits up, raises his arms, finally stands upright with both
arms outstretched.

HUGHES removes the bandage from SCAR's head. SCAR looks at HUGHES
then at ROY. With a gasp, he leaps for the chandelier above.

At the same time HUGHES is down the ladder making for the handle. He
winds up the chandelier and SCAR.

INT. THE LABORATORY NIGHT

SCAR with only his head unbandaged, is hanging on to the
chandelier which HUGHES is winding upwards.

SCAR
The Sword of Damocles is
Hanging over my head.

ROY runs down the ladder and kicks HUGHES who starts to lower the
chandelier. ROY climbs up the other steps to meet his creation coming
down. RIZA & MARTEL cross to the tank.

SCAR
And I've got the feeling
Someone's going to be
Cutting the thread.

Oh, woe is me.
My life is a misery.

Oh, can't you see
That I'm at the start
Of a pretty big downer....

As SCAR gets level with him, ROY lunges for him but lands inside the
tank....because...

SCAR simultaneously abandons the chandelier, lands between RIZA &
MARTEL who now each have a pair of scissors with which they will snip
his arm and leg bandages.

SCAR
I woke up this morning
With a start
When I fell out of bed.

GUESTS (inc. Hughes, Riza & Martel)
That ain't no crime.

SCAR
And left from my dreaming
Was a feeling
Of un-nameable dread.

GUESTS
That ain't no crime

SCAR
My high is low.
I'm dressed up
With no place to go.

And all I know
Is I'm at the start
Of a pretty big downer.

ROY, in the tank behind SCAR, puts his arms round SCAR's neck.
SCAR spins away. RIZA and MARTEL hang on to one end of his chest
bandage so that it undoes as he goes.

GUESTS (inc. HUGHES, RIZA & MARTEL)
Sha la la la
That ain't no crime.

SCAR
Oh, no no, no no.

GUESTS
Sha la la la
That ain't no crime.

SCAR
No no no, no no.

GUESTS
Sha la la la
That ain't no crime -
That ain't no crime.

SCAR is now unbandaged. He strikes a pose.

During the last sequence, ROY climbs out of the tank onto HUGHES'
shoulders and purses ROCKY, but they fall.

INT. STUDY NIGHT

ARMOR AL reading from book.

ARMOR AL
Scar needed peace of mind.
He didn't know
He was doing just fine.

He was the product
Of another time.
And as for feeling down -
Well that's not a crime.

INT. LABORATORY NIGHT

ROY and HUGHES are recovering from their fall.

SCAR makes a circuit of the GUESTS.

GUESTS (HUGHES, RIZA & MARTEL)
That ain't no crime.

SCAR (To first group of guests)
The sword of Damocles is
Hanging over my head.

GUESTS
That ain't no crime.

SCAR (To second group)
And I've got the feeling
Someone's going to be
Cutting the thread.

GUESTS
That ain't no crime.

SCAR (To third group)
Oh, woe is me -
My life is a mystery.

(To fourth group)
Oh can't you see
That I'm at the start
Of a pretty big downer.

SCAR set off at a run as ROY looms up again.

(ROY is chasing SCAR round the lab.)

GUESTS
Sha la la la
That ain't no crime.

SCAR
Oh no no no no.

GUESTS
Sha la la la
That ain't no crime.

SCAR
No no no no.

GUESTS
Sha la la la
That ain't no crime.
That ain't no crime.

GUESTS
Sha la la la
That ain't no crime.

SCAR
No no no no.

GUESTS
Sha la la la
That ain't no crime.

SCAR
No no no no.

GUESTS
Sha la la la
That ain't no crime -
That ain't no crime.

At the end of number, SCAR has climbed up the ladder attached to the
end of the tank nearest the bridal chambers and ROY is in a heap
below. HUGHES is behind the tank and RIZA & MARTEL in their
positions in front of it.

INT. LABORATORY NIGHT

ROY picks himself up. SCAR is sitting at the top of the ladder above
him, with his perfect limbs near Roy's face.

ROY
Well. That's no way to
behave on your first day out.

SCAR looks hurt.

But as you're such an
exceptional beauty I'm
prepared to forgive.

ROY crosses behind SCAR to stand next to HUGHES behind the tank.

I just love success.

HUGHES (edging up to ROY)
He is a credit to your
genius, Master.

ROY
Yes.

RIZA (Moving to tank from controls)
A triumph of your vill.

ROY
Yes.

MARTEL (Who is on opposite side of tank)
He's o.k.

ROY
O.K? (Moving out behind tank towards
Winry and Ed) I think we can do a
little better than that.

You. (To Winry) What do you think?

WINRY
Well. (She looks at Ed) I don't
like men with...er, with too many, muscles.

ROY
I didn't make him for you.

WINRY nods hastily. ROY moves towards microphone.

He carries the Charles Atlas seal of
approval....And he didn't even take
the lessons.

INT. LABORATORY NIGHT

As ROY starts to sing, RIZA & HUGHES collect one of ROCKY's
presents, the vaulting horse, and place it in front of the podium.
MARTEL leads SCAR down from the ladder.

ROY
A weakling weighing
Ninety eight pounds
Will get sand in his face
When kicked to the ground.
And soon in the gym (SCAR sits on horse)
With a determined chin
The sweat from his pores
As he works for his ca-ha-hause

RIZA & HUGHES now bring the weights.

ROY
Will make him glisten - thank you -
And gleam.
And with massage
And just a little bit of
Ste-he-he-he-hem...(laughs)
He'll be pink.
And quite clean.

ROY
He'll be a strong man -
Oh honey -

GUESTS, RIZA, HUGHES, MARTEL & ROY.
But the wrong man.

ROY
He'll eat nutritious high protein
And swallow raw eggs.
Try to build up his shoulders,
His chest, arms and legs.

Such an effort -
If he only knew of my plan.
In just seven days,

GUESTS, RIZA, HUGHES, MARTEL & ROY
I can make you a ma-aa-a-a-an

ROCKY throws down the weights and begins press ups.

FRANK
He'll do press-ups and chin-ups,
Do the snatch, clean and jerk.

ROY crosses to WINRY & ED

He thinks dynamic tension
Must be hard work.
Such strenuous living
I just don't understand.

ROY moves back to SCAR who is still pressing up.

When, in just seven days -
Oh baby...(SCAR jumps up.)

I can make you
A ma-a-a-a-an...(laugh).

INT. LABORATORY: REFRIGERATOR NIGHT

The large refrigeration unit door slowly opens, falling like a
drawbridge. Inside is a wall of ice and many CocaCola bottles.
Through these bursts an icy GREED riding a Harley Davidson motor bike,
ex World War II, holding a Gibson guitar.

Several guests are crushed to death.

MARTEL
Greedie!

GREED
Stay cool baby.

WINRY
Who's Greedie?

HUGHES
The delivery boy.

RIZA
His delivery wasn't good enough though.

SCAR looks terrified.

WINRY has fainted yet again.

GREED comes to life.

GREED
Whatever happened to Saturday night
When you dressed up sharp
And you felt alright
It don't seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life and I thought I was divine.

MARTEL leaps on to the pillion seat.

I used to go for a ride with a chick who'd go
And listen to the music on the radio.

The MOTORCYCLISTS GUESTS remember only too well.

A saxophone was blowing on a rock and roll show
And we climbed in the back
And we really had a good time

MARTEL rushes to the switchboard, flicks a lighting switch and all the
lights above the stairs start changing colour.

The GUESTS go crazy and rock and roll all over the staircase.

MARTEL dances with GREED.

Even HUGHES and RIZA step it out.

ALL
Hot patootie
Bless my soul
I really love that rock and roll
(four times)

GREED (more confident, less frozen) leaps onto the motorbike in a legs
apart guitar strumming pose.

ROY is getting furious.

SCAR is perplexed.

GREED
My head used to swim
From the perfume I smelled.
My hands kind of fumbled
With her white plastic belt.
I'd taster her baby pink lipstick,
And that's when I'd melt.
And she'd whisper in my ear,
Tonight she really was mine.

Get back in front and put
Some hair oil on.
Buddy Holly was singing
His very last song.
With your arms around your girl
You tried to - ah - sing along
It felt pretty good, whoo.
Really had a good ti-i-ime.

GREED slips onto the pedal starting the bike. He takes off and roars
round the laboratory, even riding up and down the walls.

ALL
Hot patootie
Bless my soul.
I really love that rock and roll.

Hot patootie
Bless my soul.
I really love that rock and roll.

Hot patootie
Bless my soul.
You know I love that rock and roll.

Hot patootie
Bless my soul.
I really love that rock and roll.

4 bars instrumental (saxophone)

ROY steals towards the fridge where he collects a glove
innocently.

ALL GREED
Hot patootie HOT PATOOTIE -
Bless my soul. BLESS MY SO-O-OUL.
I really love that rock and roll.

Hot patootie HOT PATOOTIE
Bless my soul. I LOVE THAT ROCK & ROLL.
I really love that rock and roll.

Hot patootie HOT PATOOTIE...
Bless my soul. I LOVE THAT ROCK & ROLL.
I really love that rock and roll.

Hot patootie HOT PATOOTIE...
Bless my soul. BLESS MY SO-O-OUL.
I really love that rock and roll.

Hot patootie HOT PATOOTIE..
Bless my soul. I REALLY LOVE THAT ROCK & ROLL.
I really love that rock and roll.

Hot patootie HOT PATOOTIE...
Bless my soul. BLESS MY SO-O-OOOUUL.
I really love that rock and roll.

Hot patootie HOT PATOOTIE
Bless my soul. I LOVE THAT ROCK & ROLL.
I really love that rock and roll.

Hot patootie HOT PATOOTIE
Bless my soul. I LOVE-A-LOVE-A-LOVE-A
I really love that rock and roll.
THAT ROCK AND ROO-AHOUL!

On the last chorus ROY rushes to GREED in a demented fury,
constantly snapping his fingers at GREED making flames shoot out.

THE GUESTS are unbelieving.

MARTEL covers her face with her hands. She screams and screams.

GREED is dead. ROY walks away from his body unconcerned.

INT. LAB NIGHT

RIZA is very bored and picking up ice cubes and placing them in the
ice bucket.

ROY
One from the vaults.

HUGHES drags GREED's fried body back into the fridge.

And so perish all those who reject my love!

SCAR cowers in terror.

Oh no, my little Adonis -
You're much too beautiful to be destroyed.
He had a certain naive charm - but no muscle.

SCAR flexes.

ROY squeals!

INT. LABORATORY NIGHT

ROY
But a deltoid
And a bicep,
A hot groin
And a tricep
Makes me - ooh -
Shake.
Makes me want
To take
Charles Atlas
By the ha-and.

In just seven days -
Oh baby -

GUESTS, HUGHES, RIZA & MARTEL & ROY
I can make you a
Ma-ha-ha-ha-haan.

I don't want no dissension
Just dynamic tension.

In just seven days
I can make you
A ma-ha-ha-ha-haan.

In just seven days
I can make you
A ma-ha-ha-ha-haaan.

CUT TO

INT. BRIDAL SUITE NIGHT

HUGHES presses a button and a wall opens revealing a bridal suite
done out in black silk.

The GUESTS shout their approval.

The end of the SONG turns into Mendelssohn's wedding march and ROY
leads SCAR to his bridal chamber.

The GUESTS throw confetti.

ED and WINRY look at each other in amazement.
 
 
Current Mood: amusedstill amused
 
 
Ziggy says I have to go your funeral tomorrow...scico on July 19th, 2005 09:47 am (UTC)
ZOMG! *cant breathe*
Gavean Bastetson_of_bastet on July 19th, 2005 09:51 am (UTC)
*snickers*
Ziggy says I have to go your funeral tomorrow...scico on July 19th, 2005 09:53 am (UTC)
=P
lizardqueen13: chibi maeslizardqueen13 on July 21st, 2005 02:17 am (UTC)
holy crap. that was too funny.

scar as rocky...

'tis ashame that i forget how the tunes go for every song (except the Time Warp)