Gavean Bastet (son_of_bastet) wrote in fm_alchemist,
Gavean Bastet
son_of_bastet
fm_alchemist

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even more FMA: Clerks

here's another part of the FMA: Clerks. Enjoy ;)


CUT TO:

INT: CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY

A NOTE on the counter next to a small pile of money reads:

PLEASE LEAVE MONEY ON THE COUNTER. TAKE CHANGE WHEN
APPLICABLE. BE HONEST.

ROY and RIZA are slumped on the floor, behind the
counter. RIZA holds ROY in her arms, his head on her
chest. Change is heard hitting the counter.

ROY
(to O.C. customer)
Thanks.

The door is heard opening and closing-a customer leaving.

RIZA
How much money did you leave up
there?

ROY
Like three dollars in mixed change
and a couple of singles. People
only get the paper of coffee this
time of morning.

RIZA
You're trusting.

ROY
Why do you say that?

RIZA
How do you know they're taking the
right amount of change? Or even
paying for what they take?

ROY
Theoretically, people see money on
the counter and nobody around, they
think they're being watched.

RIZA
Honesty through paranoia. Why do
you smell like shoe polish?

ROY
I had to use shoe polish to make
that sign. The smell won't come off.

RIZA
Do you think anyone can see us down
here?

ROY
Why? You wanna have sex or something?

RIZA
(sarcastic)
Ooh! Can we?!

ROY
Really?

RIZA
I was kidding.

ROY
Yeah, right. You can't get enough
of me.

RIZA
Typically male point of view.

ROY
How do you figure?

RIZA
You show some bedroom proficiency,
and you think you're gods. What
about what we do for you?

ROY
Women? Women, as lovers, are all
basically the same: they just have
to be there.

RIZA
"Be there?"

ROY
Making a male climax is not all
that challenging: insert somewhere
close and preferably moist; thrust;
repeat.

RIZA
How flattering.

ROY
Now, making a woman cum...therein
lies a challenge.

RIZA
Oh, you think so?

ROY
A girl makes a guy cum, it's
standard. A guy makes a girl cum,
it's talent.

RIZA
And I actually date you?

ROY
Something wrong?

RIZA
I'm insulted. Believe me, Don Juan,
it takes more than that to get a
guy off. Just "being there"-as you
put it-is not enough.

ROY
I touched a nerve.

RIZA
I'm astonished to hear you
trivialize my role in our sex life.

ROY
It wasn't directed at you. I was
making a broad generalization.

RIZA
You were making a generalization
about "broads!"

ROY
These are my opinions based on my
experiences with the few women who
were good enough to sleep with me.

RIZA
How many?

ROY
How many what?

RIZA
How many girls have you slept with?

ROY
How many different girls? Didn't we
already have this discussion once?

RIZA
We might have; I don't remember.
How many?

ROY
Including you?

RIZA
It better be up to and including me.

ROY
(pause to count)
Twelve.

RIZA
You've slept with twelve different
girls?

ROY
Including you; yes.

Pause. RIZA slaps him.

ROY
What the hell was that for?

RIZA
You're a pig.

ROY
Why'd you hit me?

RIZA
Do you know how many different men
I've had sex with?

ROY
Do I get to hit you after you tell
me?

RIZA
Three.

ROY
Three?

RIZA
Three including you.

ROY
You've only had sex with three
different people?

RIZA
I'm not the pig you are.

ROY
Who?

RIZA
You!

ROY
No; who were the three, besides me?

RIZA
John Franson and Rob Stanslyk.

ROY
(with true admiration)
Wow. That's great. That's something
to be proud of.

RIZA
I am. And that's why you should
feel like a pig. You men make me
sick. You'll sleep with anything
that says yes.

ROY
Animal, vegetable, or mineral.

RIZA
Vegetable meaning paraplegic.

ROY
They put up the least amount of
struggle.

RIZA
After dropping a bombshell like
that, you owe me. Big.

ROY
All right. Name it.

RIZA
I want you to come with me on Monday.

ROY
Where?

RIZA
To school. There's a seminar about
getting back into a scholastic
program after a lapse in enrollment.

ROY
Can't we ever have a discussion
without that coming up?

RIZA
It's important to me, Roy. You
have so much potential that just
goes to waste in this pit. I wish
you'd go back to school.

ROY
Jesus, would you stop? You make my
head hurt when you talk about this.

RIZA stands, letting ROY'S head hit the floor.

ROY
Shit! Why are we getting up?

RIZA
Unlike you, I have a class in
forty-five minutes.

A handsome young man (KIMBLEE) is standing at the counter.
RIZA reacts to him.

RIZA
(surprised)
Kimblee!

KIMBLEE
Rizzie! How are you? You work here
now?

RIZA
(locks arms with ROY)
No, I'm just visiting my man.
(to ROY)
Roy, this is Kimblee.
(to KIMBLEE)
This is Roy Mustang, my boyfriend.

ROY
How are you? Just the soda?

KIMBLEE
And a pack of cigarettes.
(to RIZA; paying)
Are you still going to Seton Hall?

RIZA
No, I transferred into Monmouth
this year. I was tired of missing
him.
(squeezes ROY'S arm)


KIMBLEE
Do you still talk to Psiren?

RIZA
I just talked to her on Monday. We
still hang out on weekends.

KIMBLEE
(leaving)
That's cool. Well-you two lovebirds
take it easy, all right?

RIZA
I will. Take it easy.

KIMBLEE
Bye.
(exits)


RIZA
Bye
(to ROY)
That was Snowball.

ROY
Why do you call him that?

RIZA
Psiren made it up. It's a blow job
thing.

ROY
What do you mean?

RIZA
After he gets a blow job, he likes
to have the cum spit back into his
mouth while kissing. It's called
snowballing.

ROY
He requested this?

RIZA
He gets off on it.

ROY
Psiren can be talked into anything.

RIZA
Why do you say that?

ROY
Like you said-she snowballed him.

RIZA
Psiren? No; I snowballed him.

ROY
Yeah, right.

RIZA
I'm serious...

A moment of silence as ROY'S chuckles fade to comprehension.

ROY
You sucked that guy's dick?

RIZA
Yeah. How do you think I know he
liked...

ROY
(panicky)
But...but you said you only had sex
with three guys! You never mentioned
him!

RIZA
That's because I never had sex with
him!

ROY
You sucked his dick!

RIZA
We went out a few times. We didn't
have sex, but we fooled around.

ROY
(massive panic attack)
Oh my God! Why did you tell me you
only slept with three guys?

RIZA
Because I did only sleep with three
guys! That doesn't mean I didn't
just go with people.

ROY
Oh my God-I feel so nauseous...

RIZA
I'm sorry, Roy. I thought you
understood.

ROY
I did understand! I understand that
you slept with three different
guys, and that's all you said.

RIZA
Please calm down.

ROY
How many?

RIZA
Roy...

ROY
How many dicks have you sucked?!

RIZA
Let it go...

ROY
HOW MANY?

RIZA
All right! Shut up a second and
I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't
freak like this when you told me
how many girls you fucked.

ROY
This is different. This is important.
How many?!

RIZA counts silently, using fingers as marks. ROY waits on
a customer in the interim. RIZA stops counting.

ROY
Well...?

RIZA
(half-mumbled)
Something like thirty-six.

ROY
WHAT? SOMETHING LIKE THIRTY-SIX?

RIZA
Lower your voice!

ROY
What the hell is that anyway,
"something like thirty-six?" Does
that include me?

RIZA
Um. Thirty-seven.

ROY
I'M THIRTY-SEVEN?

RIZA
(walking away)
I'm going to class.

ROY
Thirty-seven?!

(to HARUKO)
My girlfriend sucked thirty-seven
dicks!

HARUKO
In a row?

ROY chases RIZA down and grabs her by the door.

ROY
Hey! Where are you going?!

RIZA
Hey listen, jerk! Until today you
never even knew how many guys I'd
slept with, because you never even
asked. And then you act all
nonchalant about fucking twelve
different girls. Well, I never had
sex with twelve different guys!

ROY
No, but you sucked enough dick!

RIZA
Yeah, I went down on a few guys...

ROY
A few?

RIZA
...And one of those guys was you!
The last one, I might add, which-if
you're too stupid to comprehend-
means that I've been faithful to
you since we met! All the other
guys I went with before I met you,
so, if you want to have a complex
about it, go ahead! But don't look
at me like I'm the town whore,
because you were plenty busy
yourself, before you met me!

ROY
(a bit more rational)
Well...why did you have to suck
their dicks? Why didn't you just
sleep with them, like any decent
person?!

RIZA
Because going down it's a big deal!
I used to like a guy, we'd make
out, and sooner or later I'd go
down on him. But I only had sex
with the guys I loved.

ROY
I feel sick.

RIZA
(holds him)
I love you. Don't feel sick.

ROY
Every time I kiss you now I'm going
to taste thirty-six other guys.

RIZA violently lets go of him.

RIZA
I'm going to school. Maybe later
you'll be a bit more rational.

ROY
(pause)
Thirty-seven. I just can't...

RIZA
Goodbye, Roy.

She exits in a huff. ROY stands there in silence for a
moment. Then he swings the door open and yells out.

ROY
Try not to suck any more dicks on
your way through the parking lot!

Two men who were walking in the opposite direction outside
double back and head in the direction. RIZA went.

ROY
HEY! HEY, YOU! GET BACK HERE!

CUT TO:

INT: CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY

A videocassette encased in the customary black box flips
repeatedly, held by an impatient grasp. The IMPATIENT
BARRY glares at ROY. Roy studies a copy of Paradise
Lost, making a strong attempt at not noticing the glare.

IMPATIENT BARRY
(pissed off)
I thought that place was supposed
to be opened at eleven o'clock?
It's twenty after!

ROY
I called his house twice already.
He should be here soon.

IMPATIENT BARRY
It's not like it's a demanding job.
I'd like to get paid to sit on my
ass and watch TV. The other day I
walked in there and that sonofabitch
was sleeping.

ROY
I'm sure he wasn't sleeping.

IMPATIENT BARRY
You calling me a liar?

ROY
No; he was probably just resting
his eyes.

IMPATIENT BARRY
What the hell is that? Resting his
eyes! It's not like he's some
goddamned air traffic controller!

ROY
Actually, that's his night job.

IMPATIENT BARRY
Such a wiseass. But go ahead. Crack
wise. That's why you're jockeying a
register in some fucking local
convenience store instead of doing
an honest day's work.
(tosses tape on counter)
I got no more time to bullshit
around waiting for that sonofabitch.
You make sure this gets back. The
number's eight-twelve-Wynarski. And
I wanted to get a damn movie, too.

ROY
If you'll just tell me the title of
your rental choice, I'll have him
hold it for you.

IMPATIENT BARRY
(storming out)
Don't hurt yourself. I'm going to
Big Choice Video instead.

He storms out. ROY lifts a ring of keys from the counter.

ROY
(in a whisper)
You forgot your keys.

Roy snaps his fingers, flash-frying the ring of keys.

CUT TO:

EXT: CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY

Another VIDEO-ANXIOUS CUSTOMER leans against the video store
door. A hapless HUGHES drifts by and stops. He glances at
the door, peers inside, and gives the door a tug.

KARIN
The guy ain't here yet.

HUGHES
You're kidding. It's almost eleven-
thirty!

KARIN
I know. I've been here since eleven.

HUGHES
(kicks the door)
Man! I hate it when I can't rent
videos!

KARIN
I would've went to Big Choice, but
the tape I want is right there on
the wall.

HUGHES
Which one?

KARIN
Dental School.

HUGHES
You came for that too? That's the
movie I came for.

KARIN
I have first dibs.

HUGHES
Says who?

KARIN
(suddenly snotty)
Says me. I've been here for half an
hour. I'd call that first dibs.

HUGHES
Ain't gonna happen, my friend. I'm
getting that tape.

KARIN
Like hell you are!

HUGHES
I'll bet you twenty bucks you don't
get to rent that tape.

KARIN
Twenty bucks?

HUGHES
Twenty bucks.

KARIN
All right, asshole, you're on.

HUGHES walks away. The VERY ANXIOUS KARIN stands like a
sentry at post. The IMPATIENT BARRY storms up.

IMPATIENT BARRY
Hey Bitch, You see a pair of keys lying around
here somewhere?
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