Gavean Bastet (son_of_bastet) wrote in fm_alchemist,
Gavean Bastet
son_of_bastet
fm_alchemist

  • Mood:

more FMA: Clerks

heh, thought I'd share a bit more of my FMA: Clerks. this being a few of the scenes before the first ones I did ;P enjoy!



INT: CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY

HUGHES pulls a soda from the cooler.

HUGHES
Want something to drink? I'm buying.

ROY (O.C.)
No, thanks.

HUGHES
Who was on your phone this morning
at about two-thirty? I was trying
to call for a half an hour.

ROY (O.C.)
Why?

HUGHES
I wanted to use your car.

He walks by a row of snacks and grabs one without looking at
it.

HUGHES
Snake cake?

ROY sits in his seat behind the register. HUGHES grabs a
paper and joins him behind the counter.

ROY
You don't want to know.

HUGHES
You called Maria again?

ROY
She called me.

HUGES
Did you tell Riza?

ROY
One fight a day with Riza is
about all I can stomach, thanks.

HUGHES
What do you two fight about?

ROY
I guess it's not really fighting.
She just wants me to leave here, go
back to school, get some direction.

HUGHES
(opening paper)
I'll bet the most frequent topic of
arguments is Maria Ross.

ROY
You win.

HUGHES
I'm going to offer you some advice,
my friend: let the past be the past.
Forget Maria Ross. You've been
with Riza for how long now?

ROY
Seven months.

HUGHES
Chick's nuts about you. How long
did you date Maria?

ROY
Five years.

HUGHES
Chick only made you nuts. She
cheated on you how many times?

ROY
Eight and a half.

HUGHES
(looks up from paper)
Eight and a half?

ROY
Party at Jean H's-senior year. I
get blitzed and pass out in his
bedroom. Maria comes in and dives
all over me.

HUGHES
That's cheating?

ROY
In the middle of it, she calls me
Vato.

HUGHES
She called you Vato?

ROY
She called me Vato.

HUGHES
That's not cheating. People say
crazy shit during sex. One time, I
called this girl "Mom."

ROY
I hit the lights and she freaks.
Turns out she thought I was Vato
Falman.

HUGHES
What do you mean?

ROY
She was supposed to meet Vato
Falman in a bedroom. She picked
the wrong one. She had no idea I
was even at the party.

HUGHES
Oh, my God.

ROY
Great story, isn't it?

HUGHES
That girl was vile to you.

ROY
Interesting postscript to that
story: Do you know who wound up
going with Vato Falman in the
other dark bedroom?

HUGHES
Your mother.

ROY
Kain Feury.

HUGHES
Chess team Kain Feury?!

ROY
The two moved to Xenotime together
after graduation. They raise sheep.

HUGHES
That's frightening.

ROY
It takes different strokes to move
the world.

HUGHES
In light of this lurid tale, I
don't see how you could even
romanticize your relationship with
Maria-she broke your heart and
inadvertently drove men to deviant
lifestyles.

ROY
Because there was a lot of good in
our relationship.

HUGHES
Oh yeah.

ROY
I'm serious. Aside from the
cheating, we were a great couple.
That's what high school's all
about-algebra, bad lunch, and
infidelity.

HUGHES
You think things would be any
different now?

ROY
They are. When she calls me now,
she's a different person-she's
frightened and vulnerable. She's
about to finish college and enter
the real world. That's got to be
scary for anyone.

HUGHES
(suddenly recalling)
Oh shit, I've got to place an order.

ROY
I'm talking to myself here.

HUGHES
No, no, I'm listening. She's
leaving college, and...?

ROY
...and she's looking to me for
support. And I think that this is
leading our relationship to a new
level.

HUGHES
What about Riza?

ROY
I think the arguments Riza and
I are having are some kind of
manifestation of a subconscious
desire to break away from her so
that I can pursue the possibility
of a more meaningful relationship
with Maria.

HUGHES
Maria's on the same wave-length?

ROY
I think it's safe to say yes.

HUGHES
Then I think all four of you had
better sit down and talk it over.

ROY
All four?

HUGHES
You, Riza, Maria...
(lays paper flat)
...and Maria's fiancé.

THE HEADLINE of the engagement announcement reads, ROSS TO
WED SERGEANT DENNY BROSH.

CUT TO:

INT: VIDEO STORE. DAY

HUGHES dials the phone. He holds a list in his hand.

HUGHES
Yes, I'd like to place an order,
please...Thank you.

A MOTHER and her SMALL CHILD approach the counter.

IZUMI
Excuse me, but do you see videotapes?

HUGHES
What were you looking for?

IZUMI
(smiling)
It's called Happy Scrappy-The Hero
Pup.

WRATH
(bounces up and down)
Happy Scrappy!!

HUGHES
I'm on the phone with the
distribution house now. Let me make
sure they have it. What's it called
again?

IZUMI
Happy Scrappy-The Hero Pup.

WRATH
(bounces up and down)
Happy Scrappy!!!

IZUMI
(more smiling)
He loves the tape.

HUGHES
Obviously.
(to phone)
Yes, hello; this is R.S.T. Video
calling. Customer number four-
three-five-zero-two-nine. I'd like
to place an order...Okay...
(MORE)

HUGHES (CONT'D)
(reading from list)
I need one each of the following
tapes: Whisper in the Wind, To Each
His Own, Put it Where It Doesn't
Belong, My Pipes Need Cleaning, All
Tit-Fucking, Volume Eight, I Need
Your Cock, Ass-Worshipping Rim-
Jobbers, My Cunt and Eight Shafts,
Cum Clean, Cum-Gargling Naked
Sluts, Cum Buns Three, Cumming in a
Sock, Cum on Eileen, Huge Black
Cocks with Pearly White Cum, Slam
It Up My Too-Loose Ass, Ass Blasters
in Outer Space, Blowjobs by Betsy,
Sucking Cock and Cunt, Finger My
Ass, Play with my Puss, Three on a
Dildo, Girls Who Crave Cock, Girls
Who Crave Cunt, Men Alone Two-The
K.Y. Connection, Pink Pussy Lips,
and All Holes Filled with Hard Cock.
Oh, and...
(to IZUMI)
What was the name of that movie?

IZUMI
(nearly dazed)
Happy Scrappy-The Hero Pup.

HUGHES
(on phone)
And a copy of Happy Scrappy-The
Hero Pup...Okay, thanks.
(hangs up; to IZUMI)
Sixteen forty-nine. It'll be here
Monday.

Silence. Then...

WRATH
(bounces!)
Cunt!!! Cunt!!! Cunt!!!

CUT TO:

INT: CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY

ROY carries a litter box to be dumped. He pauses midstrike
and lays it on the ice cream chest. ROY picks up the phone
and looks at the paper. He dials and waits.

ROY
Yes, I'd like to check on a misprint
in today's edition...Today's
edition...It says "Ross to Wed
Sergeant Denny Brosh...No, no;
everything's spelled fine. I just
wanted to know if the piece was a
misprint...I don't know, like a
typographical error or something...

LUJON comes to the counter and waits. He looks at the
litter box. A black cat suddenly jumps into it and starts
pawing around.

ROY (O.C.)
Maybe it's supposed to be Maria
Rose, or Maria Ros, with one
s...I'm a curious party...A curious
party...

ROY on the phone:

ROY
...I'm an ex-boyfriend...Well, it's
just that we talk all the time, and
she never mentioned this engagement,
which is why I'm thinking maybe
it's a misprint...

LUJON watches as the cat takes a huge dump, leaning
on its haunches to accommodate the stinky load.

ROY (O.C.)
...Are you sure?...Maybe there's
like a vindictive printer working
for you...

ROY on the phone:

ROY
Meaning like someone who maybe-I
don't know-asked her out once and
got shot down, and his revenge is
throwing this bogus article in when
the paper went to
press...Hello?...Hello?

ROY hangs up. He looks at the paper ruefully, shaking his
head. He then sniffs the air.

Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Comments allowed for members only

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 10 comments