EXT: CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY
ED, SILENT AL and SCAR lean against wall.
"Not in me." That's what she says.
I gotta pull out and spank it to
get it on. So I blow a nut on her
belly, and I get out of there, just
as my uncle walks in. It was such a
close call. I tell you what,
though, I don't care if she is my
cousin, I'm gonna knock those boots
TWO GIRLS join them.
Oh shit, look who it is. The human
Scumbag. What are you doing?
Nothing. Just hanging out with
Silent AL and his cousin.
(to SILENT AL)
He's your cousin?
Check this out, he's from Ishbal.
I swear to God. Silent AL, am I
SILENT AL shakes his head:
See? And Silent Al never told a
lie in his life.
What part of Ishbal?
I don't fucking know. What am I,
Scar, what part of Ishbal are you
SCAR looks quizzically at SILENT AL.
(in Ishbalian) Home.
He only speaks Ishbalian?
He knows some English, but he can't
not speak it good like we do.
Is he staying here?
He's moving to the big city next
week. He wants to be a metal singer.
SCAR makes a metal face.
That's his fucking metal face.
Scar, girls nice?
SCAR looks the girls up and down.
That's fucked up.
What did he say?
I don't know, man. He's a fucking
He really wants to play metal?
He's got his own band in Xerxes.
It's called "Fuck Your Military Dog Blue
Jeans" or something like that.
That doesn't sound metal.
You gotta hear him sing.
SCAR laughs and shakes his head.
Come on, man, "Berserker!"
Does he sing in English or Ishbalian?
Come on, "Berserker!" Girls think
He's gonna sing it. This is too
(in broken English)
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK
BERSERKER! WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
MAKING FUCK? BERSERKER!
That's fucking funny, man!
Did he say "making fuck?"
Wait, there's more.
(makes pot-smoking face)
(nods in understanding)
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A ROCK
BERSERKER! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SMOKE
SOME POT? BERSERKER!
SCAR busts a crimson metal sneer and cackles deeply.
INT: VIDEO STORE. DAY
HUGHES leans back in his chair, staring up at the TV. The
theme to Star Wars plays. He stands, points the remote,
clicks the TV off, and ponders.
EXT: VIDEO STORE. DAY
HUGHES locks the door and walks away, while SCAR sings for
the small crowd.
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS TICKING CLOCK
BERSERKER! WOULD YOU LIKE TO SUCK MY
INT: CONVENIENCE STORE. DAY
ROY is tugging at a can of Pringles potato chips. The can
is stuck on a GLUTTONY'S hand.
You hold the counter and I'll pull.
Usually I just turn the can upside
Maybe we should soap your hand or
They oughta put some kind of
warning on these cans, like they do
I think it's coming now...
The can pops off and ROY staggers back a few steps. The
man rubs his hand.
Thanks. I thought I was gonna have
to go to the hospital.
I'll throw this out. Precautionary
Stings a little.
A word of advice: Sometimes it's
best to let those hard to reach
ROY steps behind the counter.
GLUTTONY exits as HUGHES enters. ROY throws the canister
Do you know that article is accurate?
Maria's really getting married!
You know what I just watched?
Me pulling a can off some moron's
Return of the Jedi.
Didn't you hear me? Maria really
is getting married.
Which did you like better: Jedi or
The Empire Strikes Back.
Empire had the better ending: Luke
gets his hand cut off, and finds
out Vader's his father; Han gets
frozen and taken away by Boba Fett.
It ends on such a down note. And
that's life-a series of down
endings. All Jedi had was a bunch
There was something else going on
in Jedi. I never noticed it until
HUGHES follows ROY as he cleans up around the store.
All right, Vader's boss...
Right, the Emperor. Now the Emperor
is kind of a spiritual figure, yes?
How do you mean?
Well, he's like the pope for the
dark side of the Force. He's a holy
man; a shaman, kind of, albeit an
Now, he's in charge of the Empire.
The Imperial government is under
his control. And the entire galaxy
is under Imperial rule.
Then wouldn't that logically mean
that it's a theocracy? If the head
of the Empire is a priest of some
sort, then it stands to reason that
the government is therefore one
based on religion.
It would stand to reason, yes.
Hence, the Empire was a fascist
theocracy, and the rebel forces
were therefore battling religious
More or less.
The only problem is that at no
point in the series did I ever hear
Leia or any of the rebels declare a
particular religious belief.
I think they were Catholics.
A BLUE-COLLAR MAN half enters the door.
Are you open?
Yeah. Come in.
He goes to the coffee machine and makes a cup of joe.
You know what else I noticed in Jedi?
So they build another Death Star,
Now the first one they built was
completed and fully operational
before the Rebels destroyed it.
Luke blew it up. Give credit where
And the second one was still being
built when they blew it up.
Compliments of Lando Calrissian.
Something just never sat right with
me the second time they destroyed
it. I could never put my finger on
it-something just wasn't right.
And you figured it out?
Well, the thing is, the first Death
Star was manned by the Imperial
army-storm troopers, dignitaries-
the only people onboard were
So when they blew it up, no prob.
Evil is punished.
And the second time around...?
The second time around, it wasn't
even finished yet. They were still
A construction job of that magnitude
would require a helluva lot more
manpower than the Imperial army had
to offer. I'll bet there were
independent contractors working on
that thing: plumbers, aluminum
Not just Imperials, is what you're
Exactly. In order to get it built
quickly and quietly they'd hire
anybody who could do the job. Do
you think the average storm trooper
knows how to install a toilet main?
All they know is killing and white
All right, so even if independent
contractors are working on the
Death Star, why are you uneasy with
All those innocent contractors
hired to do a job were killed-
casualties of a war they had
nothing to do with.
(notices Roy's confusion)
All right, look-you're a roofer,
and some juicy government contract
comes your way; you got the wife
and kids and the two-story in
suburbia-this is a government
contract, which means all sorts of
benefits. All of a sudden these
left-wing militants blast you with
lasers and wipe out everyone within
a three-mile radius.
You didn't ask for that. You have
no personal politics. You're just
trying to scrape out a living.
The BLUE-COLLAR MAN joins them.
Excuse me. I don't mean to
interrupt, but what were you
The ending of Return of the Jedi.
My friend is trying to convince me
that any contractors working on the
uncompleted Death Star were innocent
victims when the space station was
destroyed by the rebels.
Well, I'm a contractor myself. I'm
(digs into pocket and
produces business card)
Dunn and Reddy Home Improvements.
And speaking as a roofer, I can say
that a roofer's personal politics
come heavily into play when choosing
Three months ago I was offered a
job up in the hills. A beautiful
house with tons of property. It was
a simple reshingling job, but I was
told that if it was finished within
a day, my price would be doubled.
Then I realized whose house it was.
Whose house was it?
"Iron Blood" Gran? The ganster?
The same. The money was right, but
the risk was too big. I knew who he
was, and based on that, I passed
the job on to a friend of mine.
Based on personal politics.
Right. And that week, the Archer
family put a hit on Iron Blood's
house. My friend was shot and
killed. He wasn't even finished
(paying for coffee)
I'm alive because I knew there were
risks involved taking on that
particular client. My friend wasn't
(pauses to reflect)
You know, any contractor willing to
work on that Death Star knew the
risks. If they were killed, it was
their own fault. A roofer listens
(taps his heart)
not his wallet.
The BLUE-COLLAR MAN exits. ROY and HUGHES remain
respectfully quiet for a moment.
and if you all want, I can try and do more of it ;P