Rappydappydappy McTappy (raptorix) wrote in fm_alchemist,
Rappydappydappy McTappy

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Someone posted a link to the Drabble Matic thinger... and I went to TOWN on this thing... It's like sick and twisted Mad Libs!!

Warning: All of these range from PG-13 to R rated... you are forewarned...

Intended to be Ed/Winry... but...

I Saw Winry Kissing Santa Claus

Ed woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one Crazy box that looked like an automail.

Then Ed noticed that Winry was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.

Ed thought that he would surprise Winry. Maybe even sneak up behind her and hop her on her little ear. That always made Winry sticky.

Ed crept sloppily down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its supportive lights, and the presents, heaped up sheepishly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Winry. Kissing someone.

Ed was so angry, he picked up a watch from a table and threw it Freaksihly Hard at a Horse.

They both looked around.

"Winry, you short cat!" Ed yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Ed looked and then rubbed his leg and looked again. It was Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Winry said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a spazmatic kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Ed said sporadically. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be wet."

That seemed reasonable. Ed went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, It was a baby diaper in the county dump of the universe. He made Ed's toe feel all chibi.

"You see?" Winry said tightly and Ed saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.

Izumi/Sig fun

The Dry Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Izumi and Sig went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Izumi hit Sig in his Hand with a big Copper iceball. It hurt a lot, but Izumi kissed it Stupidly and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really Lonely snow man!" Izumi said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Sig said. "That would be more Crappy and politically correct."

"I know," Izumi said. "We can make a snow Panda. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up Sneakily and made a Frumpy snow Panda. Izumi put on a Clock for the Ass. The Panda was almost as big as Sig.

"It looks Stinky," Izumi said Horridly. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Sig said and held up a Wet Potato. "I found this one to be Like no other." He put the Potato onto the Panda's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the Panda, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like the first Catfish attack of early spring.

Sig screamed Brightly and ran but the snow Panda chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow Panda Smelled him Happily.

"Nobody does that to my little Glowy Shoe," Izumi screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow Panda through the Nose. It fell down and Izumi kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Sig said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The Potato lay in the yard until a Dead child picked it up and took it home.

I couldn't resist to try... a Roy/Hughes one... XD

To Raspily Click

Roy and Hughes were celebrating a Orange Valentine's Day together. Roy had cooked a Slimy dinner and they ate Happy Go Lucky by candlelight.

"My darling," Hughes said, stroking Roy's Shoulder, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Roy. "It is but a Disgusting token of my Woody love."

Roy opened the box. Inside was a Clinky Calculator! He gazed at it Cutely. Then he gazed at Hughes Cutely. "It's Pokey," Roy said. "Come here and let me Click you."

Just then, a Frisky crone sprang out of hiding and cackled Like a Screaming Hot Tamale. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a Warm voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.

Hughes read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my brother."

They stared at each other Noisly as the crone cackled some more. Roy's Ass began to tremble. Then Hughes shrugged, pulled out a Fig Newton, and hit the crone on her Face. She fell over dead.

"Problem solved!" Roy said and kissed Hughes Briskly. "This is a Wrinkled Valentine's Day!"

They Animatedly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.

And then they Clicked each other all night long.

This has been x-posted to my LJ with different characters for the second and third drabbles...

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