Shardy (alchephiliac) wrote in fm_alchemist,

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I've noticed several ficcages being posted on here, so I decided to go ahead and post one of my own.

If any of you recognize this fic, that's because it's been posted at both and the royai community. I would've kept it there, but seeing as this fic is so controversial, different, and just plain sick at certain parts, I decided to expose it a little more.

Just doing my duty of shaking up the tranquility of the FMA fandom. XD

Plus I also feel like I lurk too much around here, anyway. ^-^

Title: All About the Miniskirt
Pairing: Roy/Riza
Summary: Riza Hawkeye knew she was getting more than she bargained for when she agreed to become aide to Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang. She knows she had not been his only aide; there were many others before her. Unlike them, Hawkeye ends up undergoing a never-ending battle of wits with her new boss. However, instead of a woman with brains being a turn-off for the upstart stallion, Mustang only increases his pursuit of her thus worsening the situation.
Rating: NC-17 for language and explicit sexual themes
Genre: Drama/Dark Humor/AU


Chapter One


When she had been promoted to 2nd Lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye believed she finally was beginning to receive the respect she deserved, not because her peers were terrified of her unbreakable serenity. However, after only two days of her certification, a message was sent to the tiny cubicle that had served practically as her second home since she became a Sergeant.

“I have a message from the Lieutenant Colonel,” the young woman making the delivery announced, handing Riza an envelope. Riza’s crimson eyes glinted with surprise as she took the white fold. Roy Mustang? A message to her from him? Certainly there were plenty other 2nd Lieutenants around, why bother contacting her who barely held this title for 48 hours? “This is the formal statement,” the woman continued, referring to the envelope’s inner contents, “but he says that you are to move your things to his office.”

Riza was now taken aback, though her shell of equanimity did not allow show. She had been under the impression that she would remain where she was. Nobody had said anything to her about changing offices! Her eyes quickly scanned the other occupants of her cubicle: pictures of her family, assignments from the head desk, and random books both relevant and irrelevant to her job; all of which were stacked and sorted into its proper place. Change was nice, but she wasn’t sure if she was keen in leaving this little compartment, the only place she had really ever known other than her dorm room, behind.

From the quick observation of her work area, she then took a glance at the woman in front of her. She was a pretty little brunette, large hazel eyes making her look far too young for the military, tiny in size enough so that it seemed the very air pressure in the atmosphere around them could crush her. Curiosity got the best of Riza in spite of the fact she was against being nosy. “What’s your name, miss?”

The young woman glanced away, hesitant. Almost as if she had been told not to tell and yet here was another superior officer contradicting that order. Either that, or she was just shy. “P-Private Diggory,” she finally mumbled under her breath.


The young woman seemed to regain her wits about her and stood at full attention.

“Private Diggory, m’am!” she repeated, louder and clearer.

Riza’s eyes narrowed, suspicions confirmed. So, he sends a Private, she thought grimly. Of course, it was not uncommon for those high enough on the ladder to use those lowest in the military as their personal gophers. Still, it wasn’t a very respectable view-point as many Privates had been forced to do unspeakable things in the past because they had no power to say otherwise. It definitely did not make a good impression on Riza Hawkeye as she pursed her lips together in disapproval.

“At ease, Private,” she said as an indication that Diggory could now go back to wherever it was she came from so Hawkeye could pack up her things in peace. However, even though Diggory did relax, she remained rooted to the spot, staring at Riza expectantly.

“Yes, Private?”

“The Lieutenant Colonel said that I am supposed to escort you to his office.”

This time Riza’s surprise did show on her face. “What!?” she exclaimed, and Diggory cringed. “He wants me to move all my stuff NOW!?”

“Yes, m’am,” Diggory replied, her shakiness quickly returning. “T-that’s what he told me to tell you.”

Riza growled under her breath as she began gathering books and sheets and pictures into an uncharacteristic pile of rubbish as she was too angry and too much in a hurry to sort them out neatly. Damn that man’s arrogance! Believing she was just going to drop everything at his leisure so that--

“And he wants you to move dorms, too. Tonight. You’ll be staying in the eastern quarters, closer to the building.”

Okay. This was too much!

“Take me to him,” she ordered, stopping in mid-gathering of the pile. If Mustang was expecting her to make a big move like that all in one day, he had another thing coming. Now, telling him off would be a complete no-no as much as she would love to. However, apparently this man did not see reason and it was best if she went to him and pleaded with him to give her a few days to make such a move.

Diggory blanched. “What…?” she squeaked, completely forgetting her role.

“I ordered you to take me to the Lieutenant Colonel, Private,” Riza hissed to which Diggory made shaky “Y-y-yes, M-m’am!” and turned on her heel to lead the way. Nothing against the poor girl, but Hawkeye was boiling inside and didn’t have time to spare sympathy to a timid Private.

Ignoring the fact that the entire scene before had been watched by the curious onlookers that shared this room, Riza followed Diggory up to the fourth floor of the building where the Lieutenant Colonel’s office was. Her heart was racing like mad as her mind tried to predict all that could happen.

He would give her time, of course he would! Surely he couldn’t be completely unreasonable; perhaps he just didn’t know how hectic it could be for her to move and make deadlines. Yes, that was it. He just didn’t know. And Riza herself wouldn’t have to go into an elaborate speech just to make him listen. Simply ask if he could give a few days. Even two would do quite nicely. If she was quick, she was pretty sure she could have everything all prepared by tomorrow evening.

They stepped into the fourth floor only to be greeted by pandemonium. Two security officers were dragging a furiously struggling female from the door at the end of the hall, other doors opened with the heads of more curious onlookers watching the battle unfold. “You bastard! You can’t do this to me!”

“I can, and I will,” came another voice that was surprisingly smooth, deep, and, much to Riza’s unwanted enjoyment, quite sexy. “I’m the Lieutenant Colonel. I give the orders, my dear, not a lowly 2nd Lieutenant like you.”

Riza’s heart, which had been thundering madly before, now nearly ceased altogether. This woman…was a 2nd Lieutenant…just like herself? Her eyes went wide with shocked realization. Then that must mean-!

“But I’ve been with you for so long! I did everything for you!”

Another head appeared but it was too far away for Riza to decipher its features. Then in a voice not-so-smooth and more nasty than sexy, it answered, “You were only with me for two months and your work is unsatisfactory. Do not fight it, 2nd Lieutenant, I have already found your replacement.”

Now Riza’s heart made a clenching motion as she felt a pair of eyes boring deeply at her. The antagonist of the oral war also turned her head to glare at Riza, and she could see disheveled reddish-brown hair and hatred in her eyes. “HER!? You replaced ME with that skanky railing!?!”

Riza’s brows furrowed. Railing?

“It’s not your decision of who I replace you with,” came the retort, once again back to its smooth tone. “The point is, I’m replacing you. Now get out of here, or I will have you court-martialed.”

Diggory stepped aside and Riza followed suit as the guards escorted the enraged woman in their direction. No longer distracted by the heated dialogue, Riza suddenly realized the state of this woman’s attire as they walked past.

The uniform top was a short-sleeve, much slimmer, and apparently made of lesser material then the normal one; not tight by any stretch of the imagination but allowing the woman’s upper curves to be seen more clearly. The most shocking feature, however, was the bottom half of the uniform. The pants were absent and looked as though the tails that also were worn had apparently been cut very, very considerably and sewn together to form a skirt.

Probably the sleaziest looking miniskirt Riza had ever seen in her life.

In fact, as she glanced quickly at the woman’s backside and tried not to look conspicuous about it, any higher and her underwear would be seen!

Riza went pale. What the in the world was that woman wearing!? Of course, maybe her attire was why she was being demoted in the first place.

Yet, a tiny part of her nagged that this was not the case.

With everything settled, all the heads disappeared back into their offices, doors shutting softly. Even the head of the Lieutenant Colonel had vanished, leaving Riza and Diggory the only ones breathing in this particular hallway. Diggory started off without a word, and Riza remained close behind her, now more nervous than ever. “Who was that?” she inquired. They still had several yards before approaching the door that would reveal her newfound fate.

“2nd Lieutenant Clarissa Rutherford,” Diggory replied, her tone no longer timid but…actually, there was no tone in her voice at all. “She was the aide to Lieutenant Colonel Mustang. You’re replacing her.”

Riza felt cold all over, not just at Rutherford’s rage, but that uniform she wore. No, the trouble she got into has nothing to do with the uniform. She wouldn’t even be allowed in the building in that thing unless a higher-up said otherwise.

And three guesses as to who that certain “higher-up” was…

But…but even a Lieutenant Colonel couldn’t possess that much authority…could he?

Before reaching the door, Diggory suddenly pulled Riza to the side, whispering under her breath that Riza had to lean in close in order to hear, “Forgive my blatant act, m’am, but I must say this. Be careful. Lieutenant Colonel Mustang is not a very popular man among the other officers because of the personal favor he has won from the Fuehrer.”

Riza blinked, completely startled.

“It is because of this favor that the Fuehrer tends to--pardon the expression--turn a blind eye to Mustang’s actions.”

Riza’s heart sank down to the pit of her gut. So he was responsible for that uniform! But did he force Rutherford to wear it, or had she been given a choice?

“Just please be careful with him,” Diggory pleaded, hazel eyes next to begging. “I don’t want you to turn out like all those others…” She trailed off.

“Others?” Riza prompted, interest and a little morbid excitement etching in her tone.

However, the door opened before Diggory could elaborate and an officer that Riza recognized to be Major Maes Hughes looked at them passively. “The Lieutenant Colonel will see you now, 2nd Lieutenant Hawkeye,” he announced, then his eyes leapt from her to Diggory. “You may leave now, Private. Return to your normal duties.”

“Yes, sir,” Diggory replied and marched back the way she and Riza had come, leaving the other woman completely on her own and slightly confused. Hughes had acted as though she had been expected…but surely the Lieutenant Colonel did not expect her so soon.

Swallowing invisibly, Riza brushed past Hughes and entered the office. Compared to the windowless hallway, the sunlight streaming through the windows behind the desk was blinding and she could not see who sat there before them. “Please give us a moment alone, Major,” Mustang requested and Hughes moved to grant it. Before leaving, he glanced at Riza and for a fleeting moment she saw his expression soften to--what? Sympathy? Pity? Remorse? For what?

“Close the door, Hawkeye,” came the newest command from the shadow behind the desk. Riza had to force several creative words to remain locked in her throat as she completed her order without hesitation, however her hand stayed on the knob longer than necessary as though about to jerk the door open again and race through it as far away from here as possible.

“Turn around, Hawkeye.”

That voice was far too smooth and silky to be real, sliding down the back of her neck with the twin effect of brushing fingers along the sensitive skin causing her to shiver slightly. She forced herself to remember that voices were deceiving, and this one probably belonged to some fat, old pervert with three chins who drooled all over himself every time he spoke--

By this time she had turned around, and the speaker had managed to close the blinds a little to help her eyes adjust to the brightness of the room. There was no way, no way, a voice that sexy could be matched by looks.

And yet, Riza Hawkeye found herself standing face-to-face with the most handsome creature she had ever encountered.

Good? Bad? What the hell are you on, Shardy? Whatever it is, I am much interested in your thoughts.

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