Warning for spoilers of Greed's background and Kimbley. Rated... Er... PG-15, I think. (European, and we rate everything from 11 or 15 >_<), and warning for some swearing, naughty assumptions, OOC-ness, and extremely lame humour. And yes, I know that Envy could transform into whatever hunky shape he would want too, but I just couldn't get this specific scenario out of my head. ^^;;
“Hey there…” Sheska blinked, and turned her head to see a young man leaning against the wall next to the door to the library she'd just exited. He looked around sixteen, and was weirdly dressed to say the least with a piece of cloth tied around his waist over a pair of bicycle pants, and a… bikini-top? A bandanna with some strange markings held his long green tresses out of his handsome face, which sported a vicious grin; matching his purple eyes with slit pupils perfectly. He was barefoot beside a pair of… sock-like things adorning his feet, with both the toes and the heels cut off.
“Uh, sorry, but can I help you, mister?” Sheska asked a bit nervously as she shifted the large stack of books she was holding. She always took at least an armload home with her every night.
“Nothing… Just wanted to know what a pretty girl like you is doing out here, all alone…” He glided away from the wall, walking up to her. “I’m Envy, what’s your name?” His voice was smooth and cold.
“Uh…” Sheska immediately backed off. “S-sorry… B-but I am not really into…”
“Into what?” He kept on smiling in that unnerving way, his eyes never letting go of her face.
“Eh…” Sheska blushed furiously. “I-I’m not into p-prostitutes…”
He froze, and just stared at her for a minute. Then he exploded,
“Prostitute?? And what the HELL makes you think I am PROSTITUTE??” Sheska jumped when he screamed, the books dropping around her as she backed up against the wall. He looked like he was going to kill her on the spot.
“I-I am v-very s-sorry, b-but I thought with those c-clothes…”
“And what the HELL with my clothes makes me look like a prostitute??!”
Sheska didn’t answer, but just on reflex looked down over the skirt and the bikini-top. Envy followed her gaze, and he quieted, his brows lifting as in realisation. Then he looked up again, meeting her eyes for a minute.
He exclaimed, turning around and stalking off. Sheska slid down the wall, thanking her good fortune for having lived through this.
Greed yawned, casting a look at the time where he was seated in a sofa in Devil’s Nest. Near ten PM, and barely a soul was in the bar. Martel and the others were entertaining themselves with throwing darts at Kimbley who’d been nailed to the wall for the occasion. Martel though didn’t bother with darts, but just used her knife. Entertaining to watch, but even screaming got old after a while.
He was considering leaving the place to go and find himself some women to take back when the door was suddenly kicked open and Envy entered, dragging a wailing Wrath behind him.
“You!” The young boy stalked right up to Greed, who waved a reassuring hand to his men; all of them had immediately drawn their weapons when the homunculus entered. “I need something from you.”
Greed grinned, revealing a set of shark-like teeth.
“Oh, really, and what could that be?”
Envy opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by another loud wail from Wrath.
“Where is mommy? I don’t wanna be here, I wanna go and have some fun! You promised we would do something fun if I behaved!”
“Shut up!” Envy turned and punched the younger boy in the face, sending him crashing into the wall, breaking his neck and quieting him for at least five minutes.
“Now…” Envy turned back to Greed. “I want you to show me how you pick up human women. How you make them fawn all over you and do everything you want them to.”
Greed grinned so wide now his face was in danger of splitting.
“Oh, really, little brother, and why would I want to do that?” Technically, Envy was older than Greed, but he never passed on a opportunity to tease the other homunculus.
Envy snarled and pulled up a pack of cards from under his skirt, throwing them on the table in front of Greed.
“Dante’s all baby pictures of you. Every last one of them. If you help me, I’ll give you the negatives.”
Greed leaned forward, paling as he was once again met by sights he thought he’d successfully suppressed out of his mind for all time. Quickly scooping up the pictures, he put them in his back pocket, and stood up, walking over to Envy.
“Deal, little brother!” He placed an arm around his shoulders and started leading him into the next room as he began speaking. “Now, the first thing to remember when chasing flesh, is how you dress. My motto is: You can never get too much leather or fur…”
Envy nodded, listening intently. No matter what pains, if he could not have Hohenheim's affection as a son over the Full Metal shrimp, then he would have more women than him!