AC (acdragonmaster) wrote in fm_alchemist,

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[fanfic] The Bet

A short fic my roommate wrote. But she lacks a LiveJournal, so I'm posting it for her. You can contact her on AIM at the screen name Forgetful Psycho if you so wish.

Title: The Bet
Rating: PG
Genre: crack
Warnings: Spoilers for end of series
Summary: Envy bet there was nothing that he couldn't change into... (pre-series)

Author's note: Don't blame me, blame acdragonmaster and hime1999.

The Bet

"Cat! Dog!"

"... I've already done those, Gluttony."

"But they're cute and furry and tasty!"

"..." Envy was not amused.

"Just humor him a bit?"

Envy wondered why the hell Lust was so friendly with Gluttony. He was just a naive blob of lard.

"Fine." Envy transformed into kitten.

"Yay!!" Lesson: If it was really cute, Gluttony wouldn't eat it. At least not right away.


And it continued. With Lust and Gluttony telling him things to turn into. This was a game that had started when Envy made the boast about being able to turn completely into anything. Ever since then, Lust had tried to find something he couldn't turn into. Of course, Gluttony had joined in thinking it great fun. Envy was sure the time he was told to turn into a pizza had alterior motives. But they had yet to find something he couldn't become totally.

"A lightbulb!"


"Lightbulb! Shiny!"

"..." Sure, why not?

"Not bad..." Lust picked him up to look him over. "You do look like a lightbulb. But do you work?"


Lust quickly screwed him into a socket that just happened to be missing a bulb and turned on the light.

The next 15 minutes involved a cursing, fried palmtree and a pair rolling on the floor laughing at the sight.

"I'm gonna fucking KILL YOU!!"

"You lost the bet."


"The bet was that you could turn completely into anything, and I'm pretty sure lightbulbs aren't supposed to burn out like that." Lust smirked. "So pay up."

"No... NO FUCKIN' WAY!!"

"I wonder what that person will think of this...?"

Envy was going to kill her. And that pet of hers too. But he couldn't do anything about it. He'd get into even worse trouble if Dante found out about the bet. Especially considering what the loser's prize was.

"I'm SOOOO gonna kill you."

Lust had a smug look. Damnit, only he was supposed to have that look. Sighing, he left to set about the 'wager'. God, he hoped Dante got a new body soon, because massaging her bunions was just gross.
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