wolfenzippo (wolfenzippo) wrote in fm_alchemist,


It was Monday and everyone was brain-dead. It could have been the work of the tank of fish on Fury’s desk. “Clean out the tank for me, will you?” Fury asked Havoc as he left the office. “I have to go on some mission.”

“Whatever.” Havoc said with that expression on, that he had on episode 37 after he got dumped.

“See ya!” Fury skipped out with a mysterious package.

“Aren’t you going to clean the tank out?” Farman asked peering at Havoc.

“Whatever.” He picked a bottle up and dumped the contents into the tank.

Three hours later…

“What smells?” Breda asked.

“The fish are dead.” Farman pointed out.

“How did this happen?” Havoc asked confuzzled.

“What did you dump into the tank?” Roy asked coming in.

“This.” He held up the bottle.

“That’s a jug of Mr. Clean.” Roy muttered.

“Has anyone noticed how Mr. Clean looks just like Armstrong?” Farman mused.

“Well sure, they’re related.” Havoc scoffed.

“No they aren’t, Mr. Clean just infected the Armstrong Family drinking supply with sparkling goodness.” Roy corrected.

“No! Our sparkles are passed through the Armstrong art of…” Armstrong burst out of nowhere.

“Break it up Major Spaz.” Breda grumbled. The sparkles fell.

“Sparkle killer!” Farman yelled spastically.

“I didn’t mean it that way!” Breda cowered.

“Save it for the burning at the steak!” Roy growled.

A few minutes later…

“Medium or Well-done?” Roy asked.


“Thanks for getting rid of the accursed sparkles.” Havoc grinned.

“We couldn’t have done it without you.” Farman agreed.

“We shall feast on steak!” Roy yelled.

“Get back to work.” Hawkeye growled.

“Yes sir,” they sighed.

“I’m a girl!”

“I’m back!” Fury grinned.

“Oh, good, what was in your bag?” Breda asked.

“What bag!” he panicked.

Somewhere in Canada…

“Noooo! The dice are attacking my ankles!” a crowd was running around in a panic. (No Canadians were harmed in the attacking of the dice, we think…)

Back to FMA…

“Hey what did you do to my fish!” Fury growled.

“It’s his fault!” Havoc pointed at the frozen Armstrong and ran.

“Well…” he glared at the others.

“It’s true! He made Mr. Clean!” they ran off.



Park Fun

It was a nice sunny day at the park. “You all get one bag of bread to feed the ducks.” Hawkeye distributed the bags to them.

“Stupid freeloaders.” Havoc muttered.

“Don’t shoot the ducks.” Fury reminded him as Havoc’s hand went for the gun.

“Fine.” He grabbed all of his bread at once.

“Use it up one at a time.” Al freaked out, “Or else the feeding won’t last long.”

“Who said anything about feeding the ducks? I’m going to make a giant bread-ball to knock the lousy freeloaders out!”

“Sounds interesting.” Mustang pondered. “I’ll help.”

“Urg,” Fury grumbled.

“What’s with you?” Farman backed away.

“I have a headache.” He turned around. “Breda, can you give me the aspirin that you gave me last time, or whatever the heck it was?”

“Sure,” he passed a small box over to him and Fury ate the contents inside. Ed peered at the box. “This is Midol.”

“And?” Breda said.

“Don’t you think Hawkeye or Winry will be looking for that?”

“They won’t find out.”

“Wow, this is great.” Fury continued taking the “aspirin”.

“You can’t throw that at the ducks!” Winry yelled.

“Why not?” Mustang asked.

“It’s twice their size!”

“So?” Havoc asked testing the giant slingshot out on some old ladies feeding pigeons.

“It’s wrong!” Hawkeye growled. She reached in her purse for something but stopped. “Winry? Did you take the…?”

“The what?”

“The…” Hawkeye whispered in her ear.

“What do you mean you don’t have it?” Winry asked.

“I guess I dropped it, Fury…” she glared. “Give it here.”

“No, MINE!”

“Give it!” Winry growled as she took her wrench out. Hawkeye readied her gun. Needless to say all hell broke loose.

“Let her rip!” Havoc grinned as Mustang let go of the slingshot and it pinned a flock of ducklings, the ducks attacked, and they gained a fear of all waterfowl.



“Cows!” Fury grinned as they drove to the dorms. There was a cow field on the way; the kind that really doesn’t belong in that place, but for some reason it’s there. “Baby cows!”

“Yes Fury, it is spring, cow season.” Farman sighed.

“Why is the parking lot around the dorms fenced?” Breda asked.

“Because Havoc thought it would be a good idea to turn the lot into break dance central.” Roy glared.

“Hey, it’s like regular break dancing, but with jellyfish and wrapping paper.” Havoc snorted.

“I don’t want to know.” Fury griped.

“Wouldn’t it be a good idea to move the cows from that field to the fenced in lot.” Havoc mused.

“What?” Farman asked dreading another catastrophe.

“Why,” Fury asked.

“Why not, there’s some grass growing out of the cement and you could open your window when you’re lonely and pet a cow.” Havoc grinned.

“One problem.” Breda states. “One, the higher ups are going to notice, two, how would we move them, I can’t very well see that mongrel, Hayate, herding a bunch of three ton cows.”

“That was two problems.” Mustang pointed out.

“That’s beside the point!”

“I want a pet cow to stroke; I get lonely at five a.m.” Fury said softly.

“Fine, we’ll move the cows up to Green Mountain.” Havoc huffed.

“The nature park? Why?” Mustang asked intrigued.

“There’s foliage, a lake, and geese.”

“Why do the geese matter?” Fury asked.

“Cows eat geese you idiot!”

“Hey! I am not an idiot!”

“You go Fury!” Farman exclaimed. They stare at him. “What?”

“Don’t do that, it doesn’t work on you.” Breda stared.


“Anyway I say we steal a truck and load the cows.” Havoc grimaced. “But no UPS or Uhaul.”

“What’s wrong with Uhaul?” Mustang asks.

“They break down fifty times when you’re on the road, so you have to keep stopping at a gas station every few miles to put gasoline and water in it, and the company doesn’t even refund!” he starts foaming.

“Chill man, let’s get that truck.”

“The FedEx, sure.”

“That won’t hold fifty cows.” Farman stated.

“It will if we work together.” Havoc schemes.

Fifty minutes later…

“We’re almost there!” Havoc grinned.

“How did we fit all of these cows back there?” Farman asked.

“Time warp, now lets unload!”

“Won’t the farmers and park rangers notice?” Fury looked around.

“Don’t worry, be happy.” He opens the door. “Move out my bovine buddies! Be free!” the cows stampede out of the truck and start chewing up the trees and bathing in the lake.

“Gentlemen,” Mustang starts. “We have single-handedly started the species of wild cattle, be proud, for we are the few, the brave, the marines.”

“Have you taken your medication?” Breda asked.

“No, why?”

“Just asking.”

“Guys, are gun wielding extremists wearing farming hats a bad thing?” Fury asked.

“Yes Fury, why?” Farman asked.

“I believe that we have been caught.” Mustang sighed.

“Not if I can help it!” Havoc yelled. He gets cuffed. “Oh, I guess I can’t.”

“It’s just Monday and you’ve gotten us thrown in jail!” Farman yelled.

“We need a better agent.” Breda sighed.



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