wolfenzippo (wolfenzippo) wrote in fm_alchemist,

More Random Tales... Could cause brain damage if not used with caution...

Rated PG

How Fury Got his Groove On...

Fury was lounging the day away on his nice soft couch, until Havoc, Hawkeye, and Roy picked him up and carried him gagged and tied into a van. “MmmPHt!”

“What?” Roy asked. Hawkeye sighed and ripped the gag off.

“Yow!” he whimpered. “What are you psychos doing?”

“We have officially declared that you have no rhythm, therefore, we are taking you to the arcade.” Havoc answered.

“The arcade?” Fury asked perplexed.

“Young, naive Fury.” They walked into the arcade and dragged Fury over to a Dance, Dance, Revolution booth, thing.

“Dance, Dance, Revolution?” Fury asked disbelievingly.

“The best way to learn!” Havoc hopped onto it. “Come on!”

“I am not taking you on in a dance off.” Fury declared.

“If you don’t the marshmallow peeps will get you.”

“The peeps!” Fury ducked away.

“Why did you do that?” Hawkeye asked exasperatedly.

“What happened with the peeps?” Mustang asked.

“Let’s just say a bag of them fell onto his head while he was shopping and leave it at that.” Hawkeye muttered.

“Fine I’ll have the dance off!” Fury howled as Havoc tickled him and Fangirls sighed and took pictures.

“How do you do this?” Fury asked.

“Just put you feet where the arrows tell you to.”

“Arrows?” the music started and the arrows went by at top speed. Naturally Havoc was a pro at this sort of thing, unfortunately, Fury wasn’t. “Ahhh!” Fury yowled as he fell over.

“It just begun…” Havoc stated.

“It’s too hard!” Fury cried.

“Why not just get him a makeover to make up for his lack of rhythm?” Mustang asked.

“Sure.” Havoc grinned as he watched the high school girls on the Dance, Dance, Revolution booth.

“Hot Topic?” Fury asked.

“Yeah, this is the only store with clothes that won’t make you look too white.” Mustang stated.

“And you guys?”

“We look good in anything.” Havoc and Mustang stated. A few hours later they all came back out with a disgruntled Fury.

“Geese, I never thought it was possible for anyone to not look good in any style.” Mustang growled.

“It’s not his fault.” Hawkeye stated.

“I’m more of a babe magnet than he is.” Mustang went on.

“Oh my gosh!” a girl squealed.

“My public.” The girl ran past Mustang.

“You’re Fury!”

“Um, yes.”

“I love you!” she dragged him off.

“I never thought I’d see the day that a girl jilted you for Fury.” Havoc grinned. “There’s hope for me yet.”



It was a cultural day for the FMA crew as they went to the opera. The sun was shining and Havoc was stoned, and had a hangover, simultaneously. Fury was on sugar high also which doesn’t bode well for the poor saps in the opera.

“Isn’t this going to be nice and dull.” Ed muttered as he grimaced at the tuning up orchestra.

“You could use some culture chibi.” Mustang grinned.

“Who’s so short that he has to duck Cook’s Pest control every time he leaves the house?!” Ed went on a rant.

“He never said that.” Al tried to calm the shorty down.

“Shaddup.” Havoc muttered as he tried to take a nap in the theater seat, which was hard considering his long legs.

“It’s your own fault for drinking so much at Hughes’ party.” Hawkeye scolded. “Elysia never stood a chance.”

“Which is the reason she isn’t here too.” Hughes growled.

“It’s your own fault for leaving the beer down at that level.”

“Shhh, it’s starting.” Fury shushed jittering in his seat.

“Grrr.” Havoc grumbled. The opera went surprisingly calmly, until the soprano lady came on.

“Shut up!” Havoc yowled as he hurled his opera glasses at the unsuspecting lady.

“Don’t take your hangover pains out on the performers.” Farman scolded.

“Sugar!” Fury smirked as he stole a box of sour straws from a small child.

“Mommy!” the kid wailed.

“Why wont you people just shut up!” he slurred as he knocked out the small kid with the chair as he ripped it out of the ground.

“Who’s so miniature that elves go bounty hunting after him?!”

“Seriously Full Metal, where do you come up with these things?” Roy smirked.

“Niisan, he only commented on your temper, not you.”

“Weee!” Fury yelled as his sugar frenzy led him to pouncing old ladies to get their sugar stash.

“They won’t shut up.” Havoc whimpered in a shivering mass.

“Back off!” Hawkeye growled as Miroku from Inuyasha came up behind her. “Ok, that does it!” she grabbed her gun out and chased after him after he snuck a grope in.

“How did we get down here?” Farman asked Breda and Hughes as they wandered around the stage.

“Beats me, but look at these cool costumes.” Breda grinned at the fat lady suit.

“I feel pretty,” Hughes said as he tried on an Old English dress.

“Oh so pretty.” Breda continued as he put on the fat lady costume. The three of them got the performers to sing with them under the influence of Hughes’ special blend. Meanwhile Fury was still jumping old ladies and stealing their Milk Duds.

“Mine, my precious!” he grinned as he continued possessing the candy.

“Not again.” Mustang growled.

“Does this mean we all settle our differences to round up the sugar high maniac?” Al asked hopefully.

“No way.” Ed and Mustang chorused.

“The pain.” Havoc groaned.

“Here come the cops, should we try to escape?” Winry asked Hawkeye as she beat the proverbial shit out of Miroku.

“Sure.” She shrugged as they escaped as the SWAT team arrived.


It was war; Mustang had run out of toothpaste. He needed that toothpaste for his sexy smile, so he had to go to the mall. As luck would have it, he needed hair gel and other stuff too, also the military and others were coming along. “Why are we in the Disney store?!” Mustang groaned.

“I wanted to get a souvenir.” Fury and others were looking around.

“We’re still in Japan.” Havoc pointed out.

“So?” Al asked hugging a cat plushy as a familiar theme started playing.

“Well I’m going to puff the magic dragon.” Havoc muttered as he pulled out a cig.

“I don’t think that music was supposed to have that effect.” Farman mused.

“Not in the costume isle.” Ed growled.

“Who cares?” Havoc shrugged.

“Sir, you can’t smoke in here.” An annoying clerk dressed in a Mickey outfit said.

“Better mascots than you have tried.” And he stuck the cigarette in the guy’s eye and left.

“Let’s go before we get sued.” Breda muttered.

“Awww.” Al and Fury sighed.

“Wow, I didn’t know they made these.” Hughes smirked as he picked out a see through thong.

“I’m in heaven.” All guys excluding Fury, Al, and Ed drooled.

“Why are we in Victoria’s Secret?!” Ed shouted.

“For supplies.” Mustang grinned at the lingerie.

“Ed,” Al started.

“Don’t look!” Hawkeye and Winry covered his eyes.

“Why is Havoc dressed in drag?” Fury asked.

“Um, sir!” Hawkeye called out.


“What in god’s name are you doing?” Hawkeye stared.
“Securing my masculinity.” He huffed.

“I don’t think this is how you do that.” Farman retched.

“Mommy!” all of the guys cleared out.


“Great, Sears.” Ed smirked. “No way you could get us thrown out of here.”

“I need a new belt.” Fury muttered.

“So do I.” Havoc walked up.

Ten minutes later…

“Curse you interloping Fangirls!” Mustang cried as all (excluding Fury and Havoc) sprinted away from the building.




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