wolfenzippo (wolfenzippo) wrote in fm_alchemist,

Learning With Fury...

“Guys I have a question!” Havoc yelled running in.

“Very good, it is time for Learning with Fury.” Fury smiled at the screen. “Today we’ll learn about the relationship of the moon and waves.”

“Like in the football stadium?”

“Yes Havoc like in the…” he looks over. “What?”

“You know, like when they do the wave! I tried to start the wave once, but everyone just stared.”

“No Havoc,” Fury sighed.

“He means like in the ocean.” Farman started.

“I love the ocean!” Mustang shouts. “Many scantily clad women sunbathing!”

“Guys,” Fury started.

“The women are sunbathing on the coast, not in the ocean if I remember correctly.” Al started.

“Yeah, it’s impossible to sunbath in the ocean.” Ed scoffed.

“Unless you’re on a boat.” Breda started.

“Or a floaty,” Envy continued.

“Floaties are great!” Havoc grinned. “This one time in Wal-Mart I tried to start a floaty duel with an old lady, you know the foam kind, anyway for some reason she fell over and we got kicked out.”

“Which is why we got sued.” Fury groaned.

“Old people creep me out,” Breda shuttered.

“Farman is standing right there!” Al cried trying to cover his ears.

“I am not old.” Farman tried to defend.

“You have white hair!” Ed scowled.

“Yeah, what are you; Hatsuharu (Fruits Basket character) aged sixty years?” Roy eyed him.

“It all makes sense!” Hughes grinned. “He got too old for Fruits Basket and got sent here!”

“I am not Haru.” Farman growled.

“Oh don’t try to deny it.” Envy glared.

“Speaking of which there’s this new Military proposal.” Roy started. “That anyone over sixty is used as a shield in war.”

“Oh right,” Havoc continued. “And you get a cupcake as your last meal; it’s also good for cleaning up your blood.”

“Oh sure,” Farman sighed. “Just jam a cupcake into my artery as I gag and die.”

“Why do I bother?” Fury asks the screen.

“Who are you talking to?” Havoc asks.

“He’s gone mad.” Breda stated.

“Again?” Al asked.

“I was hoping that he had gotten over it after the pillow incident.” Ed continued.

“Find a happy place…” Fury chanted in fetal position.

“Let’s roll him out of here.” Hughes kicks him.




It was a sunny day when Havoc got a car. “I have a car.”

Yeah, well I’m tired of looking at that Model T.” a flash of light. “Here’s your Mustang, he glares, “Fine, a Toyota!”

“You stuck me with a Toyota.”

Our budget’s low.”


It also has the On Star navigation system.”

“Toyotas come with that?”

They do now!” Fury walks up.

“I got a new car!” Havoc grins.

“What was wrong with your old one?”

“Beats me.” He grins. “Let’s go for a drive!”

“Why me?” Fury groans. They drove down a sunny lane. The birds and squirrels were singing, that is until Havoc decided to go into sniper mode.

“Got me a birdie!” Havoc laughed as he nailed a bird out of the sky.

“Sir, watch the road!” Fury cowered as they narrowly missed splatting an old lady.

“Oh look, a convenience store!” Havoc smiled as he sped into the parking lot and barely missed flattening a kid while parking. “Let’s go!” he skipped/sauntered in.

Three hours and five suings later…

“I can’t believe they moved the cigs to the pottery isle.” He muttered. “They were better off in the small child department.”

“Yes, a shame,” Fury twitched. “Just open the car door and let’s go.”

“Right.” He paused. “Um…”

“What?” Fury suspiciously asked.

“I think I left the keys in the car.”

“Well open the door.”

“It’s locked.”

“Well use the On Star thing.”

“I can’t.” Havoc growled. “The unlock thing is on the keys.”

“Well, call for help.”

“The phone-thing is in the car, and court has banned me from having a cell phone.”

“I don’t have a cell phone.” Fury checked.

“I guess we’ll have to break the windows to get the keys.” As Havoc loped over to the window the car alarm went off.

“Sir wait!” Fury shouted as Havoc grabbed a shopping cart and lifted it into the air.

“What are you two doing?” an officer walked over. And that kiddies is how Fury and Havoc got a house arrest.




It was another day, Monday to be precise and the crew was hungry so, they drove around in a jeep that was conveniently large enough to fit them all in, and looked for a good place to stop.

“Taco Bell!” Al shrieked giddily.

“You can’t eat, your vote doesn’t count.” Farman groaned.

“But the prize machines are fun; I won a balloon on this one…”

“Um, Al,” Fury started.

“No Fury let him be,” Mustang stopped him.

“What?” Al asked.

“Nothing!” Ed growled.


“It’s nothing!” Winry shouted.

“Long John Silver’s” Hawkeye suggested.

“No way.” They all agreed. She pouted and reached for the gun.

“That stalker guy from Inuyasha is in there!” Havoc thought fast.

“Fine.” She mumbled as she put her gun away.

“Wait,” Roy’s eyes got wide. “There,” they looked over at the KFC sign. “Who’s on that sign?” he asked.

“The colonel.” Breda answered.

“But I’m the colonel.”

“Well he’s more important, he has kentuckyfied chicken.” Havoc answered. They stared.

“Don’t you mean Kentucky fried?” Fury asked.

“No, Kentuckyfied.”

“There’s only room for one colonel.” Roy growled.

“Lord save us now.” Ed whimpered.

At the drive in…

“Yes” the drive in guy (DIG) asked boredly.

“I have come to take over this establishment!” Roy roared.

“5.98” the DIG said.

“Fine!” he growled. “This means war!”

“We’re going to die aren’t we?” Al asked.

“Yes Al, we are.” Farman sighed.

“Fire the grenades!”

“Yes sir!” Havoc happily replied, being a blowup happy guy. In a fiery explosion the sign was burnt down and the people ran off screaming.

“Time for change!” Roy triumphantly yelled, hoisting up a big picture of himself in place of the sign.

“I want a happy meal!” Hughes yelled.

“You’re thinking Mac Donald’s.” Al corrected.

“No Happy meal?” he whimpered.

“No but you can have some Roy fried chicken!” Roy smirked.

“What?” Ed asked.

“This establishment is now named Roy fried chicken.”

“That sounds like something a fangirl would come up with.” Fury cringed.

“I’m leaving, this is too nasty.” Breda gagged.

“Look Niisan! I won some weird cotton thing!”

“Al, drop that now.” Ed grimaced as he looked at that small container containing the thing.




I was just bored with this one...

“I hate work,” Farman mumbled as he opened the door to the office only to be pulled in quickly. “What are you doing?!” he yelled with a gun to his head.

“Sorry, thought you were the Divine Design team.” Roy twitched.

“Excuse me?!”

“They’ll be here any day, filthy dogs.” Breda growled.

“Our office doesn’t need a makeover!” Hughes yelled.

“Ok then,” Farman inched away.

“I’ll burn them.” Roy muttered Breda and Hughes agreeing.

“Ok, who let them watch the Home and Gardening Network?” Farman questioned. He looked around.

“Not me,” Fury muttered. “I know how they get.”

“Darn paranoia.” Hawkeye scoffed. “It’s almost funny.”

“Well, to be fair people have been mugged by the Divine Design team.” Al said. “Poor souls, their houses never stood a chance.”

“As long as Armstrong doesn’t watch it I’m fine.” Ed replied. “Where is Armstrong?” they flinched. There is a knocking at the door.

“I’ll get it!” Al rushes to the door.

“Noooo!” a cascade of pink sparkles cascades through the doors.

“We’re going to drown!” Fury wailed.

“How could you let him watch that?!” Farman yelled.

“It seemed so innocent.” Al replied.

“Death by sparkles!” Hughes sighs. “How dramatic.”

“Wait!” Havoc yells. “There’s hope!” he swims to the other room.

“Noooo!” they hear Armstrong yell. “The sparkles begin to dissipate.

“What did you do?” Mustang asks.

“I changed the channel to Martha Stewart,” he looks toward the camera. “It’s a good thing.”

“Havoc you moron, don’t you realize…” Hawkeye was cut off by a surge of photos of Elysia. “Hues is obsessed with her.” Hawkeye passes out.

“I know what to do!” Roy snaps his fingers and the building burns up in a Boom. “Oops.” They glare at him.


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