...But, honestly (and with apologies to Thomas Jefferson), that is a bunch of BS. Inspiration, wot? I propose bribes!
To this end, I declare open the following contest:
The Indiana Edward and the Last Crusade/ Hot Doujinshi Prize Contest!
(because I know that creativity is not adequately stoked until the needs of avarice are sated)
There will be one and only one winner, and this lucky soul will win doujinshi. Currently I have two fairly hot yaoi doujin in hand: one is Ed/Roy, one is Roy/Havoc (Links to scans at the bottom of this post). Depending on the response to this contest, I might add prizes as I feel fit, primarily FMA-themed items such as calendars or watches or figures, but in general I want to keep the contest pure... so that means doujin. These two doujinshi are the MINIMUM prize for the ultimate winner; if I am feeling the love, I'll up the ante.
I thought of this idea a few months ago while chatting with anax, when I realized that I wanted to read a really good parody fic of Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, set in the world of Amesteris (or in post-series Spoilerdom) with Ed in the Harrison Ford role of Indiana Jones, and Hohenheim in the hot Sean Connery role as the intrepid father.
The key thing is that I didn't want to write this fic, I wanted to read it.
But, how to induce someone to get into that mood for me? The answer was obvious:
There is only one rule: adventure!
Well, okay, there are a few actual rules.
1. The story must include the characters Ed and Hohenheim. (No, this does not imply incest, although that is
2. The story must be at least 5,000 words long. No drabbles, please.
3. Even though I am a WELL KNOWN SCAR LOVER, I am purposefully setting that aside. There will be no bonus points for including Scar (only my undying gratitude if you do so).
4. 'Shipping' is NOT mandatory. Even though the prizes are currently yaoi doujin, that doesn't mean that the story has to be yaoi. It can include het or yuri, and in fact it can be gen (meaning, with no specific pairings at all).
5. No scriptfics. Mostly because these annoy me, and it's my damn contest. :)
6. I want the "Tickets, please" scene. Also, the bit where Sean Connery brings down a plane with the power of an umbrella and some birds. Also, a motorbike-with-sidecar and jousting scene. These are critical and must be included. (Okay, just one of these must be included, and of course should be modified to fit the actual fic).
7. SOMEONE should be cast in the Dr. Marcus Brody role. No, I do not want it to be Dr. Marcoh.
8. The fic should be COMPLETE: no WIPs.
Fics will be graded based on cleverness of the parody, originality of the idea, and characterization. In particular I'm looking for believable, interesting Ed/Hohenheim bonding. Humor will gain bonus points, of course, but the story doesn't have to be hilarious to win.
I would like to see some of the ancillary Last Crusade roles cast, of course, but I want to leave discretion to the author in how this is done, so there will only be bonus points if the inclusion of other FMA characters is smartly done. So, like, if you want to put Roy in a Nazi role, fine, but make sure it fits his personality. Roles do NOT need to be cast according to gender, BTW... Dr. Elsa Schneider's role can be played by a boy (and I would probably find it very hot).
Even though the rules are kind of rigid, I'm actually hoping that people will allow their imagination to run free with this. Priority will NOT be given to the big-name fans, but on the actual quality of the fic; and I will try my damnedest not to be swayed by pairing choices. I will most likely consult with anax on the final winner, but I guarantee that I, at least, will read all fics submitted.
I will top-post a contest post in my fic journal, lukassa. Please reply to that post with a link to your fic.
... How's about June 1st?
And that's it. I will be crossposting this to fma_yaoi. If you can think of any other communities where I should crosspost, please drop a comment. Thanks!
Links to prize scans (yes, these are the scans that came with the eBay auctions as I won them):
1. Bankrupt (Roy/Havok)
Sample Interior Art
2. Unpronouncable Japanese-Named Title, aka Shimekoroshi. (Ed/Roy)
Sample Interior Art
... if I add more doujin, pictures will be added to this post.