Russia's greatest love machine (random_prophet) wrote in fm_alchemist,
Russia's greatest love machine

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Considering Sparkles of Passion was such a huge hit, I’m writing a sequel starring Scar! Will Admirala’s love prove true, or will Scar blow her brains out? Read on to find out!

Title: Sparkles of Passion 2: You Blow My Mind (Out)
Genre: Parody/Romance/Horror
Parings: OC/Armstrong (one sided), OC/Scar
Spoilers: None, unless you squint really hard.
Rating: PG-13 for minimally described violence and blood, vague references to hookers, and general creepiness.

Admirala rushed out of Central Headquarters, furious at Armstrong’s betrayal. How could he not love her? She was beautiful, she had a lovely singing voice, and the two of them would sparkle in perfect unison!

I will never love again, she thought. Not for as long as I live out this miserable existence.


Scar looked down at Admirala’s file. There was no possible way that she couldn’t be the infamous Sparkilypoo Alchemist. She dressed like a Seamstress{1}, she had grossly unnatural hair (honestly, what kind of individual would want green hair?), and a trail of sparkles followed her like a swarm of enraged bees. Her beauty had been grossly exaggerated, though. To Scar, she looked rather plain… but beautiful or not, anyone who went against the word of God had to be eliminated.

{1} Scar had once made the mistake of wandering into a Seamstress’ shop. Unlike many men who had done the same, he came back out decidedly angrier than he had been when he went in.

Admirala tore towards her apartment. When she got home, she planned to slit her wrists. Oh, yes, that’d show him. She imagined the scene: Armstrong sobbing over her casket, wishing he’d loved her…

Then, he stepped out of the alleyway.

He had skin like milk chocolate and sun-bleached white hair. His face was adorned with a grim expression and a pair of sunglasses, which no doubt obscured beautiful eyes. The only disfigurement that she noted was a large, X-shaped scar on his face, which made him look like a mascot for an interactive radio show company{2}, but it added to his charm. Unfortunately, he did not sparkle, but what was one fault?
{2} Interactive radio shows were the Amestrian forerunner of video games, and not nearly as successful. They still drew criticism from the Letoan Church, which certainly says something about organized religions everywhere.

Scar hesitated. A few seconds ago, she’d looked plainer than the Flats of Dublith, but now…

Of course, it must have been her ungodly alchemy. There was no other explanation.

“Admirala Edwina Pheonix, the Sparkilypoo Alchemist. You have been deemed an abomination in the eyes of God-“

“Oh, now don’t play hard to get,” said the alchemist. Scar blinked. What was she talking about? Shouldn’t she be begging for mercy?

“After all, we are destined lovers,” she continued coyly. The Ishbalan gaped, and then regained his bearings.

“No, we are not destined lovers. There is nothing destined about our meeting, other than God guiding me here to smite you. In fact, there have been no records of any prophecies regarding ‘destined lovers’ since the book of Achmed the Lesser, which was fulfilled three hundred years ago by Romaeo and Djuli.”

“Then let us be like those lovers!” exclaimed Admirala, who began to draw close. Scar grabbed her face before she could embrace him.

“May God have mercy on your soul, temptress,” he breathed as he rendered the alchemist’s brains modern art. He let go, watched Admirala slump to the ground, and began to walk away… when he froze. He looked down, and to his horror saw the girl clinging to his leg. Her eyes were vacant, like a dead thing, and her head lolled slightly to the side. Nether factors were as terrifying as her smile, though. He’d seen a similar smile on the Homunculus Gluttony.

“Why did you do that, Scar?” she asked, despite not having been told his alias earlier{3}. “I only wanted to be loved…”

{3}Admirala had the observational skills of a blind person, and failed to notice every wanted poster in Central.

Scar shook her off and bolted. Some things couldn’t be solved with an Arm of Doom, and Admirala was one of them.
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