I also have no idea how to use an LJ cut. -sheepish- Yeah, so its just there -points-
It tore him apart inside. The 'feelings', and the intensity. But at the same time, he wondered if those things called 'feelings' were real. He wasn't real. He could never be. He hoped, but that didn't mean it would happen. He wondered why he had to be born this way. He despised the humans, the real ones, but at the same time, they intrigued him. He wondered how it felt, to be real. To be able to feel. Or the adrenaline and fear of being able to die. Pain. He wanted to feel pain. It was odd really, uncalled for, but he wanted it so badly. He wanted to be able to feel when he died, he deserved that. Death was something he deserved, but when he was killed, he wanted it to be by the hand of the elder Elric.
He loved the way he acted, with his fiery personality, and the anger that filled his golden eyes when he was hit with an insult. He wanted what he had. But he didn't know what it was he wanted. He hoped that before his death he would figure it out, but that was a useless passing thought. What he wanted he couldn't have. He was Envy, and that just the way it was.
There were no other options.