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10 March 2005 @ 06:08 am
Random Crack!Post for you to enjoy  
...And Hohenheim said, "Let there be light!"
And he was.

And then we got home.
And found the Bible.
If you're....really into the Bible, just...kindly, don't read the post.

guardianmars did, like, seriously ALL of this except typing it up.
I was too busy checking journals to help much. XD

Book of Genesis

And Hohenheim said, "Let there be light!" and he was light. Hohenheim saw that the light was good and he separated the light from the darkness. Hohenheim called the light "hikari" and the darkness he called "Dante." And there was Dante and there was Hikari - the first day.

And he who was of the Light turned to the Darkness who was in mourning for the loss of their child, or so it seemed. And Hohenheim said "He can live again."

But their trial was wrought with failure and instead Envy was created.

And the Darkness smiled and said "Let us make more of them! Let us make them in our image, in our likeness. And let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock and the earth, and over and over all the creatures that move along the ground.

So Darkness created them in his own image, in the image of Them, he created them, male and female he created them.

Then Hohenheim said, "I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of this whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. I give you poppies with which to make Laudanum, which will cure you of all ailments..."

Note: 'Laudanum' is more of a reference to Paracelsus, as opposed to Amestris' Hohenheim, in case you're confused by that.

Book of Revelation

A great and wonderous sign appeared in the heaven : A woman clotheed with the sun with the moon under her feet and a streak of pink in her hair. She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth. Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous green dragon with palm tree hair. The dragon stood in front of the woman, so that he might snatch up her child the moment it was born. So that he might snacth up mother and child and deliver them unto Darkness.

The woman fled into the depths of the city to a place prepared for her by refugees of war and was made their holy mother. And the Darkness was enraged. She had shed her former body and would soon need another. The Darkness took her rage out on her children; those she had created in Their image.

And there was a war in Heaven. Edward and his brother fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his Homonculi fought back.

But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in Heaven. The great dragon was hurled down - that ancient serpent called Envy who leads the new Homonculi astray. He was hurled through the Gate shouting gleefully: "Take me to Hohenheim!"

(feel free to make crack!image edits with this if you'd like. ^^)
Jaqui: christianity (snark)storyinmypocket on March 10th, 2005 06:49 am (UTC)
Ooooh, shiny!

But then, I'm only moderately 'into the Bible', and from a history/litgeek standpoint more than a religious standpoint. (It would probably help if I figured out whether I'm a Catholic or a Pagan, I'm sure...)

Anyway, rambling aside, I love it. ^_^

Since you've mentioned crack!image edits, I'm suddenly thinking of making icons. [Homer Simpson voice]Mmmm.... icons...[/Homer Simpson voice] ^_^
I watched the stars crash in the sea.tsukitaichou on March 10th, 2005 02:44 pm (UTC)

I'm glad you like it. It was fun. XD
hork13bajir5 on March 10th, 2005 08:35 am (UTC)
My idea of the Fullmetal Bible was stolens. D:
I watched the stars crash in the sea.tsukitaichou on March 10th, 2005 02:53 pm (UTC)
Awwwwww, I'm sorry.
But feel free to do yours, anyway!
I wanna see what your differences would be.

Hey, the more laudanum crack, the better!
The Glass Swordsannask on March 10th, 2005 09:14 am (UTC)
omg. you are insane. and ain't it great.

hahahha, with child and a streak of pink, and a dragon with palm tree hair. hahahahahhahahhahah.

cookies for joo.
I watched the stars crash in the sea.tsukitaichou on March 10th, 2005 02:56 pm (UTC)
We loves to be insane, and full of da crack. XD

And the pink hair was a stroke of genius on guardianmars's part - I couldn't figure out how to say it was Rose. @_@

*eats cookies*
(Deleted comment)
taostrife on March 10th, 2005 11:50 am (UTC)
(Oh wow, your icon is lovely!!)

Hehe, great crack!post. Is there any chance of this being continued?
I watched the stars crash in the sea.: Laudanum 01tsukitaichou on March 10th, 2005 02:58 pm (UTC)
Is there any chance of this being continued?

We'll see.
It's hard to sit around and look at the Bible. >.>
But I'd like to make more. So I'm hoping. ^___^v
*reminisce__ on March 10th, 2005 03:43 pm (UTC)
..Oh dear. Envy as a DBZ dragon with palm tree hair. I literally died reading that XD

I don't read the Bible or anything, so I can't really comment on anything, except that it's insane XD
I watched the stars crash in the sea.: Laudanum 01tsukitaichou on March 10th, 2005 04:59 pm (UTC)
Actually, I'm like, avidly atheist. So the Bible = don't ever read it for me.
But it's still fun to crack it up.

Glad it made you laugh. We're thinking of doing another one. XD