I have a cold, and the other night, I was very bored. So I read fairytales. It came to my attention that in this ILLUSTRATED book, the Hansel in Hansel and Gretel looked very much like Edward...SO I WOVE A BEAUTIFUL STORY. <3
WARNING: It may seem normal at first...but then it all goes horribly wrong. XD That was also around the time I took some stronger cold medicine, so everything looks kind of squiggly as well.
There was once a terrible famine that swept through the land. A poor alchemist and his family were hit hard. One evening, as the family was eating, the alchemist, Hoenheim, led his wife away from the table where his two sons, Edward and Alphonse, sat with a crust of bread apiece.
"We have barely enough food for one person. We won't stay alive at this rate. We must take the children deep into the forest and leave them there." Any argument Trisha attempted was dashed by the man's logic, and she finally agreed. But Edward overheard their plan, and came up with one of his own.
"Al, I'll collect pebbles that shine in the moonlight so we can find our way home!"
The next morning, the family set off into the woods. Edward dropped the pebbles as they went along.
They stopped at a clearing a long ways away from the house, and Hoenheim looked around.
"Well, this looks like a nice place for you children to rest while I go transmute pogo sticks," Hoenheim declared, gesturing for the children to sit. "Stay here and nap. We'll be back soon."
But Hoenheim and Trisha didn't return. As the day's light disappeared, Edward and Alphonse followed the trail of pebbles back home. When they arrived, Hoenheim acted as if nothing was wrong, but looked past to spot the pebbles leading into the forest. "You stayed out too late in the forest! Next time you'll be scolded!" That night though, Hoenheim told Trisha, "This time, we must take them deeper into the forest!"
"Brother, what do we do?! They found out about the pebbles!" Alphonse and Edward sat at the table, overhearing again.
"Don't worry Al, I'll use breadcrumbs to mark our path, from the the crusts they give us!"
The next day, Alphonse and Edward were once again left in the forest. They slept the entire day, and woke up at sunset. To their horror, the birds had eaten all the breadcrumbs Edward had dropped!
"Don't worry Al, I'm sure we'll find the trail!" Edward once again reassured his brother.
Three days passed, and Alphonse couldn't help but lag.
"Brother, I can't go on much longer!"
"Al, hang on. Something HAS to save us!" Just then, a beautiful white dove appeared.
"Like THAT! See Al, I told you! We're saved! We have to follow it!" So the boys followed the dove as it led them to...a small cottage.
Upon closer inspection, they found it was made of vanilla, cake, spun sugar, and other wonderful things. The two eagerly started filling their empty tummies, until they heard a voice:
"Nibble nibble, little mouse! Who's that nibbling at my house?"
An old....woman?...came...out of the house...SHE had short black hair and dark eyes, and wore an odd pair of gloves with a peculiar symbol on them.
"LOVELY little children! What brings you here? Come inside with me! No one's going to hurt you!"
"Aren't you that Roy per-"
SHE DREW THEM A BATH, then put the children to sleep. But once they were, the "woman's" true nature was revealed.
"They're all mine now! They can't escape! They'll taste good in a souffle!"
"Hawkeye, what are you doing here!?"
"Do you really want to know?"
The next morning,
"IDIOT COLONEL PUT ME DOWN!"
"I don't think so little on-"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE COULD HAVE A THIMBLE AS A SUMMER HOME!?"
"...No one. But that's very creative." The evil witch locked Edward into a tiny pen.
Then "she" made Alphonse cook for his brother. "When your brother gets larger I'll-"
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL HE COULD STAND ON A LADDER AND STILL ONLY BE KNEE HIGH TO A GRASSHOPPER?!"
"I know. Just ignore him."
Roy couldn't be bothered to look down and check on Ed's progress, so he had Havoc do it. Unfortunately, in Havoc's cloud of smoke, Edward found it was easy to trick him into feeling a chicken bone instead of his finger.
"He's not getting any bigger, chief..."
"WHAT?! I'VE GROWN AT LEAST ANOTHER 5 INCHES! WHO ARE YOU CALLING-!"
"Enough!" The witch had lost his...her..his, whatever, temper. "All of you, into the oven!"
"But, but...we don't know how!"
"IDIOTS!"This is how it's done!" The witch stood in front of the oven a crouched down. "See, even I can fit!" Alphonse saw his chance, and with a mighty shove, pushed Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist, into the oven.
"...you realize there's no fire in here," he said, sitting quite uncomfortably in the coal and soot. Alphonse unlatched Edward's pen, and helped him out, while Breda and Havoc hauled the colonel out of the oven.
"Brother, let's get out of this place," Alphonse said with a smile. Edward scoffed.
"Don't have to tell me twice." Mustang walked up to them, and pulled out a cloth sack full of something heavy.
"In exchange for your complete silence about what happened here, the military is offering you this sack of money."
"We're rich, brother!"
"This is so cool!" Edward hugged his brother. And so, the boys finally went home, and discovered their parents had gone on a permanent vacation to Aquaroya.
They then became state alchemists, and got to watch Roy Mustang's face contort with a curious look when he saw his new charges.