This was brought on by a FF.net drabble with Roy x Ed fangirls. And way too much sugar.
Ed burst into the Colonel’s office, panting and flushed. “You’ve got to hide me!” He said and Roy Mustang poked his head over the mountain of flowers, candies, and cards that littered his desk and his office. Edward had pieces of ribbon, flowers, cards and candies poking out of his pockets, hair and clothes.
“Something I can help you with Edward-kun?”
“Like I said. HIDE ME!!! Don’t you know what day it is?!?!?!” Edward flung himself down onto Mustang’s leather couch and began picking flower stems and petals out of his braid.
“Yes! Valentines day! Don’t you know what that means?”
“Marry me Ed-kun!” One girl screamed, one of the few not dressed in black and red. Instead it seemed she was dressed in a white wedding dress. Edward just scowled and pulled the shades shut again.
“See! That’s why you have to hide me!” Mustang leaned back in his chair and smiled.
“What’s in it for me if I do?” The infamous Fullmetal Alchemist fought down an angry shout. Stupid, smug colonel.
“I don’t let them know where I hid.” Mustang just lifted an eyebrow and the blond sighed, flopping down onto the leather couch again. “Al keeps track of their newsletter, because it’s helpful to know when and where they’re holding conventions so I can avoid them. Well, last year they met up with the Roy Mustang fan club. They … fought… and a few got down to talking. And then they ran into the Havoc x Fury fanclub… but that’s another story.” Ed blushed. “Anyway, it seems we’re compatible. Very compatible. And they think we should be together. Now if they knew I was here, it would ruin your reputation.”
“And it wouldn’t ruin yours?”
“Haven’t you heard? I’ve slept with half the military. And half the non-state alchemists. And random passerby’s. I’m bi, and I’m fine with it. Life goes on.”
“I thought this handwriting looked familiar. Considering it just says ‘Happy Valentines Day’ I think I should feel very proud of myself.” Ed gave him a shaky grin and bolted for the door. Mustang caught him easily though, longer legs, and pinned Ed to the wall. “But Ed-kun! Don’t you want to see if those girls were right?”