Syd (xkesshoux) wrote in fm_alchemist,
Syd
xkesshoux
fm_alchemist

Ficcage, for once I actually make an effort! o.o; -Gasp-

Okay, just a few notes to start off, I've got about six sections that are finished so I'll go ahead and put them up in a couple posts due to length of some sections. I'll put the setting and location under the cut, just one cut, sections will be in order and each posted with their own respective titles, settings, and locations. Hope you like!
Part 4 gets its own section cause it's really fecking long, and because it's RoyxEd smut.

Title: Unsettling Affairs Part 4/?
Pairings: RoyxEd, EdxAl, EnvyxEd, KimbleyxNarcisse(OC) in all, not all necessarily in this section.
Rating: PG13/R
Warnings: Shounen-ai/Yaoi/Man sex. Strong language, overly suggestive dialogue, confusing timelines, major spoilers through the end of the series, incest, descriptive intimate scenes between two men, descriptive violence and gore, etc, etc, etc.
Timeline: Beginning of RoyxEd.
Setting: Central City, the ruins of Roy's office. Day after Ed met Cain.



Part 4: Picking up the Pieces


The boy on the floor in the midst of a wrecked office whimpered in his sleep and rolled over, crying out in pain as the corner of a broken table pushed against the burnt flesh on his stomach, but he didn't wake.

Quiet footsteps moving down a hallway. A rattling noise of keys; a faint moue of surprise as the door pushed open at a touch. Creak of hinges.

A swift gasp.

Roy took stock. One ruined office, check. One rising temper, check.

One sleeping National Alchemist... check?

Moving around the rubbish, Colonel Roy Mustang approached the sleeping boy and prodded gently at his shoulder, carefully avoiding the evident... burns? "Major Elric," he said, congratulating himself for keeping a (mostly) calm tone. "Do wake up and explain yourself, because I am looking forward to what you have to say."

The blonde's touseled bangs at the moment hid his face, but at the nudging he rolled over onto his back, grimacing. His face was flushed and he appeared pained, hair clinging to his skin due to the layer of cold sweat that had condensed there. A thin line of burgandy crust marked the corner of his mouth to his chin, and on the carpet where his head had been situated before, a dark red, almost black now, spot confirmed that it was indeed blood. Edward still didn't wake, despite whimpering slightly in pain.

"Oh," Roy breathed, and for a moment didn't think about anything at all.

He looked around. The office furniture was more or less intact, but the rug was a total loss. Papers and debris had blown about wildly, and one window had a fine webbing of cracks radiating from its center, brilliant light streaming through the flaws and pooling on the office floor.

Roy looked from the sleeping boy to the wreckage. On one hand, Edward Elric, hair plastered to his face with what was most certainly dried sweat and blood; on the other hand, his completely ruined office, most furnishings of which would need to be replaced--Financing Department in Central will have a fit, he thought with a mental groan.

Boy. Wreckage. Boy. Wreckage.

With a sigh and a feeling of surrender--one that had become all too familiar since Roy had first met Edward and Elric, nothing but lost, damaged boys missing their mother, boys with a terrible talent that could slay hundreds with a single gesture--Roy began to tidy up. I'll ask about it later, he reasoned with himself... After he wakes up.

Edward's entire body tensed suddenly, the sudden straightening of limbs in a harsh movement kicking the nearby leg of an intact table. Well, at least it was intact before he kicked it. So was that vase. Oh well. Aside from the breakage of even MORE of the Colonol's office furniture and decorations, this sudden movement had caused an obvious jolt of pain that roused the older Elric from a restless feverish sleep. Golden eyes flew open, unfocused and yet wide awake and aware of only the happenings that flew through his head in recap mode, and within seconds of awakening there was one word on the tip of his tongue that ended up as a scream. "Taisa-AAGH!" As he was violently interrupted by the searing pain in his chest, his body jolting up to a sitting position only to cause an almost instantaneous dizziness in the same moment that he felt the urge to puke and coughed up blood, tears leaking from his eyes at the pain as he was jerked forward in that violent cough.

His stomach muscles seared with hot pain and it clouded his vision, his breaths raspy after the rude awakening. And he just sat there, hunched forward, in pain, ears ringing.

Roy was instantly at Edward's side, firm hands pushing him down back into a reclining position. "Idiot!" he hissed. "Stay still!" Efficiently he ripped Edward's tattered shirt down the center, exposing his wounds.

Roy sucked in a breath at the ugly sight; he hadn't realized the extent of the damage. Swiftly he stood, crossing the room and rummaging in an almost-undamaged cabinet until he found the first aid kit.

He returned to Edward's side and knelt, extracting ointment, gauze, surgical tape, and scissors from the kit. "Idiot," he murmured as his hands worked on autopilot, measuring out lengths of the bandaging. "Who did this to you?"

"When did...you get here...anyway..." Edward hadn't planned on showing weakness in front of that bastard...what the hell was wrong with him even his thoughts were only half-assedly insulting Roy...He shivered, not from cold, but from the sick feeling.

"A few minutes ago." Roy smoothed ointment on a particularly nasty burn on the side of Edward's stomach with the lightest touch, fingers sliding from the top of Edward's hip to the edge of his ribs. "Answer the question." He cut a length of gauze off the roll and taped it carefully onto the wound before moving on to the next burn.

Ed couldn't help but shiver and tense slightly under Roy's touch, why, he didn't know. "I...don't know..." He cringed at the application of bandages, and for a moment thanked whatever out there would listen to him that his face was already flushed so that his face didn't betray these confusing things he kept feeling.

The older man paused for a moment and looked up at Edward, dark eyes unreadable, as he absentmindedly covered an ugly, puckered ridge of tissue bisecting Ed's side with clean cotton. "You can't remember?" He frowned. "Take the shirt off. I need to see to your back."

The blonde grimaced, sitting up was a painstaking process that took a minute or so. Breathing heavily Ed took hold of the fabric of his shirt with the automail arm, hissing through clenched teeth as he just ripped what was left of it off, causing just a few seconds of discomfort as the fabric brushed against uncovered wounds. "I've never seen them before...I don't know who they were..." He still felt sick.

The Colonol shoved Ed gently back down on his stomach, leaving his back exposed. "Hm." Roy spread more ointment over Ed's shoulders, rubbing gentle circles with his thumbs. "Could you recognize them again if you saw them?" He taped a fresh swathe of gauze over the wounds.

Roy frowned again. "You have some kind of laceration on your hip. Roll onto your side."

Once more Edward was glad that his face was flushed, also glad that the Colonol couldn't see his face for that matter, as, wincing, he did as told. Why was it those hands on his back sent shivers down his spine? "Probably..."

Roy ran a finger gently down what looked like a long scratch that started on the flat plane of Edward's stomach, curving slightly inward over the bones of his hip and disappearing into the waistband of his pants. He pulled the fabric down slightly, not quite far enough for indecency, inspecting the wound.

At the soft sound of Edward shifting he looked up at the boy's face and suddenly flushed, realizing that he was close enough for his breath to cast warm over Edward's stomach. Roy's dark eyes glittered as he hastily jerked back and began applying ointment to the gash with slightly trembling fingers.

Despite being dead set on not looking at Roy at all through this ordeal, a pause as long as that and the way the older man's fingers faltered, the feeling of his breath warm against his skin and goddamnit all the location was enough to have Ed wishing he wore looser pants. Wait. Rewind. WHAT?!

Roy tried (and failed) not to think about the fact that Edward Elric was currently reclining on his couch half-naked. His thumb abruptly stopped rubbing its absent circles on Edward's hip as he came back to himself and realized that Something Perfectly Natural was currently happening to him (oh can't think about the boy that way, he's vulnerable, Mustang, it would be irresponsible not to mention illogical)--

--And, judging from the state of Edward's trousers, to Edward.

Oh dear.

Roy Mustang, veteran of one of the most horrible wars history has known, murderer of hundreds, hardened soldier, flushed a brilliant shade of crimson as he raised his eyes to Edward's, fingers still lightly brushing the other man's hip.

Now that was different...not to mention slightly disturbing... Edward finally gave in to curiosity and slowly turned his head to look over his shoulder, freezing as he saw the look on the Colonol's face...

Mental slap, Ed, this is just a dream. Has to be. No, a nightmare, where else would you be attracted to ROY MUSTANG?! Shit...it hurt too much to be dream...Well there went that excuse, now what, Fullmetal?

But he couldn't move, well, his mind was shouting for him to run like hell and never look back, but his body was doing a damn good job of ignoring it. He saw a flicker of something in deep pools of ebony, god they were beautiful, and the way--

NO. NOIDIDNOTJUSTTHINKABOUTHIMTHATWAYNO. OHMYGODIDID.

And all the while the little voice inside his head was planning suicide. What the hell is happening to me!?

Roy felt as if he was falling, inevitably, faster, the world he knew blurring away from him in a rush of speed and vertigo.

He leaned forward and rested his face against the side of Edward's hip, a small rough noise low in his throat, hand tightening on the cloth of Edward's waistband.

The blonde felt the heat rising to his face and was vaguely aware he must look like a tomato by now, well, a tomato with yellow on top. "T-Taisa w-what in th-the h-hell are y-you d-d-doing!?"

Roy glanced up at Edward, dark hair falling across his face. "Do you want me to stop?" he asked, forcing the words through the rapidly rising haze of desire. His hands were sliding up Edward's body of their own accord.

Edward smelled of warm skin and the mint of the liniment, underlaid with sweat. It was making it hard to concentrate.

The all-too-flustered alchemist swallowed the lump that had been rising in his throat. "W-wha....T-Tai...s-s-sa...?!" His voice was breathy, stuttering, gasping, faltering words seemed to retreat from the tip of his tongue and down the back of his throat, as though trying to choke him with their existance. "Y-you...t-t-touching...I-I-I...y-you..."

What in the hell was going on here? He couldn't make sense of it, this rushing feeling, dizziness, was it the heat? Wait, where did the heat come from?!

He couldn't even put together a string of words to make a sentence, mumbling and nonsense the only thing out of his mouth, and then nothing at all, just lips moving and no sound but a confused and slightly frightened squeak. And then...

"Don't stop..."

Was that really his voice? God did he just say that? Like THAT? It sounded to his ears like he...wanted...like that was begging...why...but for some reason he couldn't seem to convince himself that any of this was really wrong.

He froze. Roy inhaled, exhaled. He leaned in, pressing his lips to Edward's hip, then pulled himself up to lie next to Edward.

Roy reached out and touched Edward's face, very lightly, dark eyes almost lost.

Ed shivered slightly at the touch, gulping again and meeting the Colonol's gaze. "T...t-Taisa..."

"Roy," he corrected absently, propped up on one elbow. "And you're... Edward." He tasted the name like a new flavor, exotic yet reminiscent of home.

"Edward." On impulse, he brushed a strand of golden hair back and bent down. Ed's lips tasted faintly of blood.

Golden eyes widened in shock for a moment and then a secondary program kicked in. Grinning on the inside, Ed leaned closer so that his lips were right next to Roy's ear, and whispered breathily. "Don't you like it when I call you Taisa?" He slid his arms around Roy's neck and curled one leg up to hook around Roy's waist, pressing his body up against the older alchemist. "Don't you...Taiiisaaa..." Damn was it hard to keep a steady voice through that kind of contact, Ed noted to himself.

He also noted the way that last part came out without him even planning on it, in a dizzy reaction to his own bold movement.

Roy hissed in a breath, hips rocking forward of their own volition. He threaded cool fingers through Edward's hair, one hand sliding up his chest to tilt the boy's chin up. Roy bit his neck not-so-gently, as he had no words to respond with, he answered in actions...

The young boy stiffled a moan at Roy's ear, followed by a jagged gasping and a shiver as those fingers trailed up bare skin to alter the angle of his head. "TaisaaAAA!" The word melted into a cry of pain, still fervently laced with desire, as the blonde tensed, flesh hand clutching tightly at the Colonol's shirt, while metal fingers had begun to tear the fabric, trembling, involuntarily pressing his body even harder against the older man.

The dark haired Colonol framed Edward's face with his hands. "Shhhhh," Roy soothed, calm words at odds with his trembling lips. "It's alright..." His hands trailed down, caressing the angle of Edward's jaw, smoothing his hair back from his neck, brushing against bare chest, and lower...

The blonde shivered again, moving a bit so that his lips brushed against Roy's neck, his head tilted more and Edward caught the older alchemist's earlobe gently between his teeth and nibbled, purring at the Colonol's light touch.

Roy gasped, arching against him, nails digging into the closest available object--warm flesh. Heat, and a dizzy spinning, and oh. Very close now. His eyes fell into thin shining slits, mouth open.

Ed's left hand moved down Roy's arm, clutching desperately at the fabric, mouth opening to emit a small gasp as he felt nails digging into his skin. A thin trail of saliva stretched for only a moment between the Colonol's ear and the tip of Edward's tongue, his throat dry despite wetness of lips and tongue. "Taisaaa... I've never...done anything...like...this before..." His voice was a bit shaky, nervous, but not afraid. But damn, did he wish he wore looser pants! He never knew how much that hurt!

"I am not exactly... familiar with this type of... situation either," Roy muttered. He relaxed his hands with an effort, moving them down Edward's stomach until they grasped his waistband lightly, tugging at it. "Shall I do the honors?"

Ed swallowed hard, wriggling a bit to push his boots off without the use of his hands and without moving too much. He let out a yelp of pain when, in his little fit of wriggling, gravity took its rightful place and, still clutching Roy's arm and shoulder, he managed somehow to end up falling off the couch, pulling Roy with him. Edward's face flushed furiously at how he'd ended up pulling the Colonol down on top of him. It was a rather compromising position to say the least.

Roy made a sort of "oof" noise, eyes wide; then his shocked expression dissolved into shaking laughter. His mirth faded as he realized the advantages of their current respective positions. Shifting, he smiled down at Edward. "I hope you're quite--ahh--quite comfortable, because I'm liking being"--his breath caught as the boy moved under him--"being on top..."

Ed blinked a few times and nodded dumbly for a second, trying to keep an otherwise straight face. "H-haiiiIIi TaisaaAaaa..." He could feel the Colonol's chest rise and fall when he breathed, or rather the pressure that was applied and then released, and all that moving around wasn't helping him keep his voice in check.

"Are you having trouble breathing?" Roy asked innocently, bastard that he was. "Perhaps you need some mouth-to-mouth." He bent and kissed Edward, tongue slipping into the other boy's hot mouth.

Edward released a moan into the kiss, tongue eagerly engaging Roy's in arousing play. One hand moved to thread human fingers through raven locks, the other roaming down to the small of the older man's back, pulling, at the same time as he arched against the body above him.

Roy shuddered as he allowed himself to be pulled down, stifling a moan at that long-desired contact. His hips seemed to surge back of their own volition, needing to move, needing to feel...

There was a shiver that ran down the length of Edward's spine, as he collapsed the short distance back to the floor, squirming slightly as both hands moved to Roy's shoulders, pushing down, the only thought running through his head at the moment was that everything, all this cloth was too restraining it was suffocating and he needed it off...now.

Responding to the other man's unspoken wishes, Roy flicked open Edward's buttons, a soft zwip of fabric rubbing against fabric.

There was a sharp gasp and Ed's automail fingers carved at the exposed wood of the floor, golden eyes stared openly at Roy, helplessly, but at the same time begging, pleading, needing. As if to affirm the look in those golden eyes, flushed pink lips parted to speak. "Taisaaa....onegaaaiii....Taisaa..."

Hair falling into his eyes, Roy kissed Edward's neck, working his way down... Here the slant of a collarbone, here the peak of a nipple, Edward's flat stomach tasting of salt, and lower...

Ed shuddered, head tilting back as his eyes closed, back arching against the sensation of warm lips and tongue as hands clawed for purchase on either wood or carpet, lower body practically squirming beneath Roy's warmth. Strangled moans parted from deep in his throat each time Roy found a particularly sensitive area, and his body would relax and stiffen suddenly again, fingers constantly flexing in an attempt to release some of that intense hoard of pent up energy.

Roy's hands had somehow moved of their own volition, one splayed in the small of Edward's back, another pressing into his hip. Edward's skin tasted dark, richer than normal... The flavors rolled around in his mouth, warm and damp.

Edward's left hand moved from the ruined carpet, fingers becoming entwined once more in the Colonol's dark hair, nudging against his head with not entirely subtle suggestion. He didn't even hear his own voice when the words, barely audible, slipped from flushed lips. They sounded distant.

"Taisa...please...take me...Taisaaa..."

Roy obliged.

Interesting how skin could take on a hardened quality, yet still be velvet-soft. Interesting how completely Edward filled his mouth. Roy grazed his teeth lightly along the edge of the skin, eliciting moans.

Ed's breath caught in his throat as a dizzying sensation flooded through him. Hips thrust against that searing heat without warning, and his brain vaguely registered a gagging sound from Roy, but god the tightening! The hot and the wet, Ed's mind was spinning, moans slipping free more and more frequently, louder each time he felt the light scraping of teeth, and despite his attempts to keep from choking Roy it was so damn hard not to move with it, against it.

The older man made a small noise as Edward moved against him, shifting his focus, tongue rolling over the tip, wanting to hear those sounds from Edward, triumphant in the knowledge that he, Roy, was coaxing them...

"Nnnhh...." Edward bit his lip until he could taste the metallic tinge of blood seeping into his mouth, automail scraping against the wood floor and splintering it as he moaned Roy's name, practically squirming at the subtlety, it was torture but it was really fucking good torture!

Roy released Edward's flesh with one final light bite, and moved up his body again, shoving his hair out of his face as he looked down at Edward's face. "Edward..." His shirt was still on, Roy realized, if slightly battered from Ed's automail. He tugged at it impatiently.

Ed was panting, in much the same state as he had been when Roy had first walked into the office, though now he was sweaty and flushed for a different reason. Golden eyes looked up to meet black and he whispered, "Why...the fuck...did you stop...damnit..." Alright, that came out a little harsher than he'd meant for it to.

The Colonol laughed and kissed Edward, knowing that the other man could taste himself in Roy's mouth, then divested himself of his shirt. Hands on his waistband, Roy paused and looked to Edward for approval.

Edward gave his commanding officer a very obvious 'I-don't-care-what-the-fuck-you-do-just-HURRY-UP' look, that is, before he divulged himself with some nice eye candy, AKA Roy's bare chest.

Roy rolled his eyes and slipped out of his pants, seemingly entirely at ease with his nakedness. He stretched like a leopard, enjoying the feel of Edward's eyes on him, watching the hard play of his muscles. Roy quirked an eye at Edward, knowing that he was driving the other man crazy, daring him to do something about it.

Hungry golden eyes took in every flawless inch of milky white skin, fantasies playing out in his head that nearly made him explode. The blonde noticed Roy's eyes on him, watching as he watched him, taking it all in. He was faintly aware that his mouth hung open slightly, drool starting to run down his chin, but he made no move to wipe it away. Edward could only stare and want and be tortured to the point of snapping, but he couldn't even move.

Roy made a humming noise to himself, as if to say, "Hmmmmmm, wonderful weather we're having, isn't it..." He smirked at Edward's poleaxed expression, reaching behind the other boy's head and untying his hair with a flick of his wrist, letting the golden locks tumble down.

Almost instantly a thought struck him and he reacted, left hand reaching up and snatching Roy's wrist, not letting go as Ed stared into Roy's eyes. The message seemed to not even need to be spoken. His eyes said 'Not on the floor...'

Roy's eyes flicked to the massive desk and back to Ed, a wicked grin crossing his face. He quirked an eyebrow at Edward.

Ed's eyes followed where Roy had looked, and then back to Roy's eyes. He nodded. That would do.

On a whim Roy kissed Edward's forehead before leading him over to the desk, smoothing Edward's hair back, the tawny strands cool under his fingers.

Completely forgetting that his pants were pulled down to his knees, Ed stumbled and lost his balance, tripping to land, a lot harder than intended, stomach down on the afforementioned desk. Fuck that hurt. Knocked the wind out of him too, and he clung to the desk just to keep himself from sliding to the ground. He coughed, and noticed red on the desk in front of him, reminding him that he was, in fact, injured.

"Ah!" Roy bent down to Edward, examining the damage. "Are you alright? What hurts?" He clinically tugged off the cumbersome pants and checked Edward's bandages to see if something'd come undone, brows drawn into a deep vee.

"F-f-f-f-fine..." Ed managed to blurt out, pulling himself up onto the desk only to sprawl out, trying to catch his breath again.

"Are you sure?" Roy said, looking up at Edward through a fall of dark hair, suddenly aware that one hand was hovering just above Ed's shoulder, the other splayed across Edward's stomach, that Edward was blushing a particularly attractive debauched shade, and of the crucial point that both of them were completely naked... He tried in vain to catch his breath, but it sped up of its own volition.

"Taaaaiisaaaaa...." If that temptingly seductive note didn't assure that he was perfectly fine, he didn't know what would. But just to play the part, he put up the helpless act. "Taaisaa....maybe I don't feel so well...it's just soooo hoooooot..." Edward stretched, arching his back off the desk. "Nnnnnhh..." He twisted slightly, back still off the desk and then back down again, head tilted to the side with eyes closed. He could play the temptation too, after all.

Roy swallowed convulsively. His hand trailed down Ed's body as Ed stretched away, stroking slowly. He leaned forward and lightly bit the curve of Edward's hip.

"Taaaaaiiiissssaaaaaa....." Taunting. Ed was taunting him. Daring him to take just what he wanted, because damn if the man wasn't taking long enough as it was.

Amused at Edward's impatience, Roy shifted his mouth, resting his elbows on the desk, hands once again pressed into the small of Edward's back... The older man took Edward in again, wanting to give him the satisfaction that had been denied, wanting to hear him whimper again.

And whimper Ed did, among other things, like moaning, panting, trying like hell to curse Roy for drawing this out so long and failing miserably as his words came out in more little pleasure sounds rather than steamed insults.

The dark haired man would've laughed, but don't people always say that it's bad manners to laugh with your mouth full? Roy moved faster, one hand reaching down to caress himself compulsively, moving in rhythm.

Ed bit his lip again to keep from screaming in pure ecstasy, strangled moans filtering up out of him, as he propped himself up just slightly with his automail arm, human hand tangling fingers in damp black, guiding subconsciously as he let his head hang back, jaw slack and breaths heavy and quick.

Edward felt like his entire body was on fire, and he would explode if this went on any longer, he was almost sure of it.

"Rooooiiiitthththinnnnhhaaah....!"

The addressed man rolled his eyes up to see Edward's face, releasing his grip to breathe gently across Edward's skin, then licking gently around the underside, the tip, salt on his tongue, almost bitter... He could feel how close Edward was, how close he himself was. Roy made a small, desperate noise.

"Nnnnnnnnnhhhh.....TaaaaaaaisaaAAaAaaaA!!" Ed's back arched swiftly off of the desk, entire body tensing, the hand in Roy's hair suddenly gripping uncomfortably tight, pulling, but only for a matter of moments before his entire body went slack again, back hitting the desk with a loud thud, body trembling and breath irregular but slowly calming down. Golden eyes were closed and golden locks spilled in an ornate mess about his head, some strands clinging to damp skin of neck and face.

Roy tensed as his own release came to him, panting as he lifted his head and flung it back, thigh muscles spasming.

He relaxed and swallowed, black eyes slitting open, tongue darting out to lick his glistening lips.

"Not used to these kinds of things my ass..." Ed huffed once he'd gotten his breath back, not even bothering to move from where he was. "Get up here damnit I can't see you..."

The older man moved up to the desk, for once too spent to have a witty response, and reclined next to Edward. Roy sighed.

"Roy...." Edward reached out to brush damp black locks out of the Colonol's face, and sighed. "This...was going to be the last report I turned in to you..." The words were heavy as if lined with pure lead, and barely audible because he could barely bring himself to say them. Tears welling in golden eyes as his fingers gently traced the contours of Roy's face.

Dark brows drew into a deep vee. "What are you saying?" The question held no anger, only concern. Roy caught up Edward's hand and planted a kiss in the palm, watching the other man, waiting for an explanation.

"Ever since...I restored Al...I can't help but feel like I'm missing a part of myself...but everything's still here...I don't understand..." Edward closed his eyes to avoid having to see the look on that face. "I feel like I'm dying..."

The Flame Alchemist stilled. Liquid black eyes fixed on Edward's face. "I don't know what to say," Roy said carefully, neutrally.

"How can you always be so fucking calm!" Golden eyes were open now, though squinted with hurt and anger, glistening with tears. "How can you just sit there like nothing happened!" Ed made an effort, mostly with his automail limbs, to shove Roy off of the desk and onto the floor, not so gently. "Don't you ever feel anything?! Don't you ever break!" He was leaning over the side of the desk, staring down at Roy as tears fell, he was pissed, but mostly at himself.

"You don't have to put up a mask for me, Roy!"

Sprawled on the floor, the Colonol gingerly felt the back of his head for wounds. Roy stared up at Edward. "Maybe..." he breathed in, closing his eyes, trying for composure. "Maybe I don't know any other way to behave. Maybe you... bring out the vulnerability in me. Maybe that scares me."

"Bastard..." The seething blonde spat, vehemence obvious but undertoned with obvious hurt, rolling over onto his other side on the desk and curling into a fetal position and shedding silent tears. Edward felt suddenly cold.

"Don't do that." Suddenly fragility crept into Roy's voice, pain showing through. He pulled himself with the aid of his desk, reaching for Edward's shoulder. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what I've done to upset you, Edward--I--Edward, please. I... care for you... very much. I apologize. Sometimes I am..." He winced, remembering. "Less than tender. It's... difficult."

"And it's because of all those things that it hurts even more...because...I.can't.stay...." The fragile boy cringed under Roy's touch, one sob audible before Edward regained control again.

The older man drew back as if Edward had burned him, pain openly showing on his face. "...Edward?" Roy fought to contain control of his voice, but it broke slightly just the same. "...Why? Why? I can change if you need me to. Please, just tell me. I don't want to--" oh the dreaded word again-- "lose you. Please, Edward." Voice low and urgent now, pleading.

"But what if I don't have a choice...." Fullmetal curled up even more, hugging himself tightly. "Touka Koukan, Roy...I couldn't have restored Al without losing something...but I'm still physically whole...so what was it that I lost Roy, what else would there be for me to lose?"

"'What if' doesn't count," Roy said gently. "As long as you want me, the only way for you to lose me is for me to leave you. I'm not going to leave you unless you want me to..." Oh, a new wash of fears at that one.

"You don't get it, Roy...I lost something!" Edward slid off of the desk and walked past Roy, grabbing the man's coat from the rack near the door and wrapping it around himself as he took a seat on one of the cleaner couches, huddled there in the coat. "I'm fucking scared, Roy...I can't shake the feeling that I'm slowly dying from the inside out..."

Roy distractedly tugged on his pants. "It's probably all in your mind, Edward," he rationalized. "Even if there's a... problem... you can see people, doctors..."

"Roy...I...I don't know how to explain it...but I think Al understands...it was like that for him too..." Golden eyes looked pleadingly to the older man. "I can't stay here...take the watch, I can't stay in the military..I can't stay your dog...but I can stay your pet...I don't want to disappear...."

Dark eyes flickered. "What are you saying?" Roy asked again, quietly. "Where are you going? What's happening, Edward?"

"I don't want to go anywhere...I just want to stay by your side...but I don't want to be a dog of the military anymore..." Ed reached his automail arm out of the coat towards Roy. "I just need you to hold me and remind me that I'm still alive...don't let me disappear, Roy...please don't let me disappear..."

Roy enveloped Edward in his arms, rocking him slowly back and forth, kissing that golden hair, taking in the scent of cool, damp locks. "Don't... It's alright. Shhh. It'll be alright. I'm not going to let you slip away... You can quit the military if you want. Please, Edward... Please..."

He didn't even know what he was asking for.

Edward pulled the older man down to the couch, somehow managing to give him enough room to stretch out before he curled up on top of Roy, the coat now covering both of them, as Ed let the warmth soak through his body and mind. Ever since he'd restored Al, he hadn't felt truly alive...but here...here in Roy's arms, Edward was more than just alive...

Still frowning faintly, Roy stroked the nape of Edward's neck, rubbing tension out of those shoulders. "Please," he repeated softly, hardly even aware of his words.

"Thank you....for everything..." Their location smelled faintly of smoke and tinder, aftereffects of the flame, and the smells of sex, sweat, blood, heat. But most of all, Edward was calmed by a smell that he alone could recognize anywhere...and that was the scent of Colonol Roy Mustang. It put him at peace, and the warmth of the other man so close...he was so tired...his mind floating high above the clouds in dreamland.

"Aishiteru..."

"Aishiteru," Roy told the sleeping boy, and held him close.

God knew they needed this small bit of comfort... If only for tonight.

Please excuse me for spamming so many posts at once, I should've spaced them out more over time but I couldn't bring myself to do it. x_x; x-posted to fm_alchemist fma_yaoi fma_fiction
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