Title: A Very Fullmetal Story
Pairing: Everyone with everyone else
Summary: Al goes looking for love
Warnings: A bit picture-heavy
Once upon a time in the land of Amestris, there lived a young, angsty boy named Ed.
He was all angsty cause his brother, Al, was a suit of armor.
Of course, Al was pretty angsty as well. He had no human body, so he couldn’t act upon the unfulfilled desires he got whenever he saw his brother being the hootchie main character,
or Roy Mustang taking off his pants…
and then placing them on Ed’s head.
Yes, Roy and Ed made such a cute couple.
Al was extremely jealous, so he set forth to find someone who would love him even if he were just a suit of armor.
He tried looking amongst his friends in the military. Havoc seemed like a good start, since he was always looking for a date. Unfortunately, Al wasn’t good at sexual euphemisms and Havoc just thought he wanted a cigarette.
He tried asking Hughes for advice, but Hughes’s shirt distracted him too much.
He never was able to stop staring long enough to ask. It seemed poor Havoc was also drawn to Hughes's crotch.
Al decided the military isn’t a good place to look for love. He ran out of the base, but stopped short when he saw his brother and the homunculus named Lust. They seemed to be on more than just friendly terms.
He was confused. Why was Ed cheating on Roy? Did male relationships not last? Would he have to go straight? He shuddered at the thought.
All of a sudden, he snapped out of the horrible mental picture when Scar came racing up to Lust.
“What are you doing with that kid!” he yelled at her. “I thought you loved me!”
“Don’t give me that BS,” Lust replied. “I found out the truth about you! You’re cheating on me with Greed!”
“Is that right?!” A new voice yelled from around the corner. Greed stormed up to Scar and punched him.
“You told me you were single! In that case, it’s over between us! I’m going after Fullmetal instead!” With that, Greed grabbed Ed and started making googly faces at him.
“Noooooo!!” Scar cried, completely crushed. “I’ll kill you, Fullmetal!” He reached out his hand and grabbed Ed as the short boy pouted.
“Damnit, just cause I’m the main character doesn’t mean I have to die, like, twenty thousand times!”
“Yes it does.” And with that, Scar blew his head off.
“Nooooo!!!” Al screamed and threw himself on his brother’s lifeless body.
“I’m sorry, Al…” Scar tried to comfort the armor. “But I had to… he was a slut…”
“I know,” Al sniffed. “I forgive you…”
Meanwhile, Greed completely melted at Scar’s display of love and forgave him as well.
Al was happy for them, but he was still alone. Greed took notice and gave Al a hug.
Al, being completely grateful that someone loves him at last, gave himself over to the sexy homunculus.
Greed then proceeded to teach Al the wonders of man-love.
He even went as far as taking Al’s virginity.
They were all happy and went home together to get kinky.
Meanwhile, Roy came outside and found Ed’s body on the ground. “Well… nothing a bit of formaldehyde won’t fix…”.
A few days later, a statue of the famous Fullmetal Alchemist was erected outside where the tragic young man died.
Up in heaven, Ed was finally able to relax, surrounded by chibi angel love (who just happens to look like his brother).
Al eventually left Greed and Scar and met his true love, Wrath
Crossposted to my own journal