{Holly} (holly_san) wrote in fm_alchemist,

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I bring crack-ficcage!

I should be shot for this! :D

*comes bearing the BEST FANFIC EVAR* Best part is? NO SPOILERS FOR 51! YAAAY! Okay, maybe the best part is that it's liek ttly OTP!!11one Ed x lightbulb 4ever!!! lolz!111

So one night Ed was lying in bed in Central City, reading a book. When suddenly, the light flickered out!

“OMGWTF?” Ed exclaimed, as this had never happened before! What to do?! He hadn’t even been aware that Central City lights ran on electricity! However, he was reading a reaaally good book, so he decided that being Super Beanplant Edo, he would fix it all by himself. ^_^

However, Ed quickly ran into a problem. The ceilings in the room weren’t particularly high, but for one who was vertically challenged, it might as well have been like… Mt Everest or something! “What should I do?” Ed wondered. “Aha! I shall use my shiny alchemy powers to transmute a ladder! And since this is the best fanfic ever, I can forget about touka koukan!”

So, it was settled. However, just as he was about to start the transmutation, Edo noticed something odd… there was a replacement lightbulb on the table next to his bed! “Funny…” Ed thought; had that lightbulb been there a moment ago? Even though our young alchemist hero was a genius and rather perceptive for his age, he decided that even though the lightbulb was cackling evilly and had sprouted palm-tree like hair, it was good enough!

So Ed grabbed the lightbulb, and shoved it in his pocket! Yep! He was all set, now! Ed was feeling pretty damn proud of himself by now, for being such a responsible, organized alchemist!

That was when he felt something wriggling in his pocket. “OMGWTFBBQ?!” This scared poor Edo very much, all the way to his little beanplanty roots. Inanimate objects such as lightbulbs weren’t supposed to move like that, were they? And there was still that odd laugh!

“PWNED!” exclaimed the lightbulb, and flew out of Ed’s pocket, hovering with cute little wings in front of him. Ed was then propelled onto the bed, flat on his face! Before he knew what was happening, OMG, AN ATTACK OF CAPS LOCK BLINDED HIM!!!1one and then he felt something cold and evil with tickly hair shoved RIIIGHT up his ass!

“OW! HELP ME!” Ed said sadly, but the lightbulb did not listen, possibly because it didn’t have ears. So it screwed itself in a little more, and there was no lubrication, and it was a BIG OWIE because the lightbulb was a sadistic little thing. :O

By then Ed’s screams had attracted the attention of other people who were like… conveniently absent before. They all came running in. “WHO TOUCHED MY UKE?” Roy, Al, and Gluttony all screamed at once. Roy went to do a transmutation to ya know… get the embedded lightbulb out, but the second he touched it, lo and behold! The heavens shone down upon the blessed scene, and the lightbulb in Ed’s ass glowed like no lightbulb had glowed before!

“Well… you know, I do need a new light in my office…” Roy said thoughtfully.

That is why, the next morning, Edo woke up, naked, and tied to Roy Mustang’s ceiling.

It was later determined that the lightbulb was actually Envy, and that was how the homunculus infiltrated the military… but Roy didn’t want incriminate his ass, so with the help of some alcohol and hawt bondage, Ed quickly “forgot” allllll about the whole incident~


Feel free to shoot me now and/or sue me for killing brain cells. :D

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